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Closer and closer as Christmas approaches, fair maiden's
lovely figure parts and encroaches. Two inches to her
hips and three to her waist, her thighs spread before her in
an about face. And what to her wondering eyes did
appear, before her stood Lardy Girl smack in her mirror!
"Oh my, not again!" she cries and screams, "Christmas has
exiled my waist to my dreams!"
"Now what do I
do?" she frets and ponders. "To regain the figure I have now
squandered?"
"Worry not,"
pronounces a voice from behind. "Damage may be done but you
have yet to cross the line."
As she turns to
address the voice in the back, whom should appear? None other
than General Practitioner, Dr Ian Campbell, the Chairman of
England's National Obesity Forum, standing ready, willing and
near.
"Your BMI has
hit 30, Miss Lardy my dear, settling your indulgences smack on
your rear." TOP
Puzzled she looks at him full of doubt,
her mouth slung low in a hapless pout.
"Though an apple a day is recommended they say, when that
apple is your figure, this isn't the way. Excess weight
carried around the waist you see, brings on obesity,
cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes."
"But how?" begs Miss Lardy, "Can I ever succeed, when these holiday
treats keep chasing me? TOP
The Twelve Days
of Christmas Eating
On the
first day of
Christmas this is what I ate: a scrumptious piece of chocolate
Christmas cake
On the second
day of Christmas this is what I ate: Two mince pies and a
scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas cake
On the
third day of
Christmas this is what I ate: Three sausage rolls, two mince
pies and a scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas cake TOP
On the
fourth day
of Christmas this is what I ate: Four roasted spuds, three
sausage rolls, two mince pies and a scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas cake
On the
fifth day of
Christmas this is what I ate: Five Christmas puuuuuuuuds, four
roasted spuds, three sausage rolls, two mince pies and a
scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas cake
On the
sixth day of
Christmas this is what I ate: Six balls of stuffing, five
Christmas puuuuuuuuds, four roasted spuds, three sausage
rolls, two mince pies and a scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas cake TOP
On the
seventh day
of Christmas this is what I ate: Seven chipolatas, six balls
of stuffing, five Christmas puuuuuuuuds, four roasted spuds,
three sausage rolls, two mince pies and a scrumptious piece of
chocolate Christmas
cake
On the
eighth day
of Christmas this is what I ate: Eight brandy butters, seven
chipolatas, six balls of stuffing, five Christmas puuuuuuuuds,
four roasted spuds, three sausage rolls, two mince pies and a
scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas cake
On the
ninth day of
Christmas this is what I ate: Nine Brussels sprouts, eight
brandy butters, seven chipolatas, six balls of stuffing,
five Christmas
puuuuuuuuds, four roasted spuds, three sausage rolls, two
mince pies and a scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas cake TOP
On the
tenth day of
Christmas this is what I ate: Ten cheesy crackers, nine
Brussels sprouts, eight brandy butters, seven chipolatas, six
balls of stuffing, five Christmas puuuuuuuuds, four roasted
spuds, three sausage rolls, two mince pies and a scrumptious
piece of chocolate
Christmas cake
On the
eleventh day
of Christmas this is what I ate: Eleven plates of turkey, ten
cheesy crackers, nine Brussels sprouts, eight brandy butters,
seven chipolatas, six balls of stuffing, five Christmas
puuuuuuuuds, four roasted spuds, three sausage rolls, two
mince pies and a scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas cake
On the twelfth
day of Christmas this is what I ate: Twelve chocolate Santa's,
eleven plates of turkey, ten cheesy crackers, nine Brussels
sprouts, eight brandy butters, seven chipolatas, six balls of
stuffing, five Christmas puuuuuuuuds, four roasted spuds,
three sausage rolls, two mince pies and a scrumptious piece of chocolate Christmas
cake TOP
Dr. Campbell paused,
grappling in thought, "Hmm...I see Miss Lardy, I see what you
mean. A new healthy attitude is what I deem. With exercise,
choices and a treat or two, you'll soon be on your way to a
brand new you. But to whom should we turn for such wisdom and
restrain, none other than BBC Dietitian & Specialist Ms. Lyndel Costain."
"Ms. Costain," Miss Lardy
exclaimed, "Can you help me enjoy the holidays without my food
being too plain?" TOP
"So pleased I
am that that you chosen to no longer regress! Of course my
dear, the answer is yes. I'll give you tips to manage your
weight and tricks to use; it's never too late. Being
overweight is a serious health risk, so first visit your
general practitioner and pass his list. With a clean bill of
health we'll be able to start, establishing new habits
healthy, satisfying and above all smart. Below are my
suggestions for this Christmas break."
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