WHY BRIDES CHANGE
LAST NAMES

PART 1 OF 2 (Updated November 11, 2011)

Bride thinking about whether she should change her last name

Why do brides adopt the last name of the groom? Until the 1970’s feminist explosion, few questioned this. Legal documents in various states show most women (roughly 85%) continue to change names upon marriage. A smaller percentage defer to hyphenation. But why do brides do this? Is it tradition? A custom? Or, is there another reason?

When I first posed this question I figured this would be a short 300-400 word article with an easy answer. It isn't. In fact it took 3 month of research to put this together and over 20 interviews and I still didn't have the answer. Searching the Internet, several sources instruct on the process of name change, usually for a fee. The feminist contingency urges abstention, (not changing your name) for identity, financial and individualist reasons. Neither feminists nor the commercial interests behind name changing address the tradition or from whence it originates. Sociology, women’s studies and history professors tapped on this issue argue the differences, exceptions and traditions of various cultures; none offered a reason or theory regarding the origin.

After multiple dead ends (and a lot of arduous academic text), I was getting frustrated. Then like many of life’s mysteries, the answer sought became the answer seeking, solving itself when least expected. I stumbled upon it researching a completely different and unrelated subject, Dispensationalism for a news story on current events in the Middle East. Even then it wasn't obvious. To find the answer in the bible, you need to be familiar with several chapters and view it comprehensively. Even the bible doesn't come out and say "Woman, thou shall change thy name upon marriage." The religious aspects also don't address the secular aspects as this tradition is found in polytheistic and pagan societies as well. Therefore once going through several books in the Old and New Testament, and cross-referencing these with cultural traditions over the past 5,000 or so years, this is what I found out.

The key reasons for a bride taking the groom’s name traditionally are:

•   Protection of family and wealth
•   Designation of a new life direction
•   Acknowledgement of God’s presence in and endorsement of the marriage

That's the short answer.

For those of you who are curious about the why and how, dynamics of a covenant and history...keep reading. This two part series looks first at the origins of the above. In part two we go into detail about the biblical origins of this tradition. Let's tackle the secular reason first: protection of family and wealth.

WEALTH’S ROLE IN NAME CHANGES

Absent a will through the early twentieth century, property, family lineage, name and items of value passed to succeeding generations via the male head of household. Women, (the exception occurring within royal and gentry succession), as second class citizens were prohibited from owning property in most countries as late as the eighteenth century; even today some cultures consider a wife the husband’s property. Upon the patriarch’s death with the absence of male heirs, the state (ruling party in control of the country, city or fiefdom) often acquired wealth, land or assets unless the wife’s children bore male children or male relatives petitioned. [1] Tradition held a woman is an extension of the man and therefore she and her children assumed his name. He in turn provided for her monetarily, physically and socially.

With the advent of nation states [2] around the seventeenth century and the perpetuation of the modern legal profession [3], legal contracts designating wealth distribution between generations were created. These legal documents standardized familial wealth transference, but society still limited what a woman could and couldn't do. Today legal contracts eliminate the need for marriage as the conduit of wealth to spouses and descendants. Courts have ruled in various states that couples living together for a period of time are “married” in the eyes of the law, with or without a license. What once was a necessity forcing women to change names today functions as convenience. The transference of wealth reason no longer applies.

PROTECTION'S ROLE IN NAME CHANGE

True, today it is considered politically incorrect to suggest that a woman or man need each other to survive and thrive. We don't. We can go it alone, but census data and numerous studies prove that people who are married live longer and generally healthier lives than those who do not marry or find themselves single later in life. The fact is 90% of us will marry at least once at some point in our life, (that includes some of the less than 6 month marriages Hollywood seems to like). Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses. We're just better together and the older we get, the more we need each other.

Historically, marriage insured a woman’s survival. Until very recently, brawn rather than brains put food on the table. Life was physical until the late 19th century. With a woman raising children (and pregnant a lot) there was only so much she could do. Threats to her safety and life came from other men, nature or the animal kingdom. Women who did not marry found few choices for survival: living with parents or employment as a governess, servant, school teacher or whore. She could also become mistress as long as beauty remained an asset. Sans sunscreen, typically to age thirty if lucky. Women who became pregnant out of wedlock had even fewer options. Fortunately the average life span was under 50 so a long retirement rarely existed.

In centuries past and today in third world nations children represent(ed) a woman’s 401K, but only if born of marriage. Bastards were branded akin to a Hawthornian 'B'. Changing name and changing titled, going from “Miss Scarlet” to “Mrs. Butler” announced to the world a woman and her children belonged. Accepting his name brought her instant respectability and station in society, protecting her future, present and past. An unmarried woman didn't have a lot of choices and few adults want to spend the rest of their lives living with mom and dad. This option is no longer an issue for western women, though the Great Recession is taking its toll on singles, especially if they've lost high paying jobs and therefore their sole income. It has been particularly hard on single mothers and people of color.

In modern society, the secular reasons for name change are no longer applicable. However the reasons for the name change as they apply to religion still apply. Of particular note is the acknowledgement of God's support and endorsement of the marriage. The Christian traditions afforded to this exemplify the importance through the use of candles. Other faiths will use ribbons, symbols and faith-specific rituals supporting their beliefs. Perhaps some of our readers will share those in the comments below?

THE UNITY CANDLE, THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY
& THE RITUAL OF NAME CHANGE

QUESTION: If men and women are now considered equal in society, why is it only the woman who takes his name rather than he hers?

ANSWER: It is a tradition with deep spiritual roots.

Customs are habitual; traditions bestow significance and are performed for a reason. Women change their name. Men do not.

This tradition with last names has only existed for about 1,000 years and it does appear to originate in Christianity sometime in the 12th Century AD, when last names first came into play. Like many customs, clichés and traditions in modern society, male before female is biblically based tracing back to the customs of the Israelites and later the Hebrews. In this case the deferring to the man goes back even further, beginning in Genesis within the Garden of Eden.

God creates Adam first and from Adam’s rib, his companion Eve. Adam and Eve together become a new entity, the couple:

Gen: 21-25

"And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

Genesis sets the stage for God’s recognition of joining man and woman as one through the covenant of marriage. He invites her into his life. She joins him rather than he joining her. The tradition originates with Adam's rib. The Unity Candle representing leaving and cleaving used during the marriage ceremony is the ritual and symbol of this.

In Christian wedding ceremonies the Unity Candle sits on the alter. It includes three candles. The two on the outside represent the families of the bride and the groom. The center candle represents the married couple. The outside candles are lit before the ceremony and the center is left dark. Upon their vows to each other before God, the bride and groom blow out the side candle representing their family. This signifies they are leaving their parents to form a new union represented by the single candle, (one body, one flesh) in the center. Together they light this. When he cleaves (merges with her and brings her unto him) as his wife they become one. To God, the couple is a new being, sacred and beyond separation by anyone but Him. Marriage in Christianity isn't simply a life transition. It's actually a sacrament.

There are seven sacraments in Christianity. These are like the five pillars of Islam or the 613 laws of Judaism and part the Seven Sacraments of what makes a Christian a Christian. These include Baptism, Communion and Marriage. The book of Genesis demonstrates God’s intention that woman is an extension of the man, (his better half some say). Scripture teaches that a man is not complete until he joins (cleaves) with a woman. Should he or she remain single, in days of old he would become a steward of the church and she a bride of Christ by entering into the clergy. This was seen as marrying the church and thus allowed even the unmarried to fulfill the marriage sacrament. The marriage covenant between man, woman and God solidifies the union and fulfills the sacrament. The shared last name honors this oneness and announces to the world the man and woman are married.

Times have changed, but the tradition's origins continue. In Part II of this series, Origins of Name Changing we explore the biblical and secular origins as well as the spiritual significance of a bride changing her name. Part II goes into depth on reasons 2 and 3: Designation of a New Life Direction and The Acknowledgement of God's Presence in the relationship. Click here to continue to Part II.

About the Author:

Laura Dawn Lewis is the Publisher and Founder of Couples Company and the author of 2012 Event, Editorial & Promotional Calendar, The Storybook Advent Calendar: 24 Stories for Christmas and the Laid Off Now What Series. She can also be found on LinkedIn.

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REFERENCES

[1] This is a generalization based upon Western traditions beginning in Europe and later exported to the Americas. Different cultures treat this uniquely.

[2] NATION STATES emerged during the seventeenth century AD. A NATION STATE is man-made and involves defendable and defined borders with international recognition and sovereignty. A NATION is a common people, cultural in nature bound together by common beliefs, customs and origin. During biblical time the people following one God were first known as the Israelites, then the Hebrews and later by their tribes. Finally in the fourteenth century, with the addition of the letter 'J' to the English language, the Yudeans (Judeans) were expanded to include all twelve tribes under one moniker, Jewish or Jews for short. These followers of God through the various changes to their faith, culture and focus defined the “nation” of Israel…just as today we refer to followers of Mohammed as “the nation of Islam”.

[3] The first legal document was the Urukagina's Code of 2350 BC though the first law school wasn’t established until 1100 AD. Modern law as we currently see it appears to have begun with the 1689 drafting of the English Bill of Rights. The use of family law to govern the passing down of inheritance didn’t come into being until the early twentieth century, largely occurring from the efforts of Elizabeth Cady Stanton between 1848 and 1877. If you are paying or receiving child support, divorced or engaged in a common law marriage, you have Stanton to thank…or blame. The modern law Americans practice came of age in the twentieth century. In previous century’s law focused upon common law, basic right/wrong and personal accountability. Today law in the United States increasingly parallels Talmudic law, circular, victim/perpetrator with deferred accountability.
Sources: DuhaimeLaw.org, Social Science Research Network

that is informative!

Incredible information as I am studying about putting Jesus' name first in our lives as believers. The Church is represented in the Bible as the bride of Christ, as such we put his name above our own - our names are no longer important but that we exalt
his name is all that matters!

Great article! Thanks for your article. I was pondering this question myself because I wondered where the history of name changing came from when considering whether to take my soon to be fiance's last name.

I am already married and was just curious as to why women changed their last names and found this to be very informative! I had no idea it had such signifigance but you are right; only God can bless the marriage and truly marry us. I will never again take
the name changing lightly! I will be sharing this article definitley.

It is now 2011. Doesn't your husband vow to you to? Where is your identity the marriage? Can't you still be a Christian and love God with your own name. ANSWER: The husband and the wife make vows to each other in the presence of God within the Christian,
Jewish and Muslim faiths. A covenant is a vow unto each other and it is, according to Dr. Pat Allen and many other marriage experts, the only form of a marriage that ultimately succeeds because it requires each person in the marriage honor the other and each
becomes responsible for the aspects of that marriage to which each is best suited. It's about becoming a new entity: the couple. Sometimes a covenant follows traditional gender rolls. Sometimes it does not. It's up to the couple to define their covenant and
make changes as needed. You don't lose yourself in a covenant. You enhance your strengths and defer your weaknesses to the care of your partner so that together you are stronger as a united couple than you were as singles apart. The tradition of taking his
name begins in the bible and is due to the other two reasons which no longer apply in most western cultures: her lack of legal standing and the need for protection. The tradition is biblical. That doesn't mean individuals cannot chose to reverse it. It is
a tradition, not a mandate. Thanks for your comments!

Even though last names did not exist until this past millennium, Verse 24 signifies the primary meaning of a woman taking a man’s name. "(He) shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” OK, I do not know ancient Greek, Aramaic or Hebrew,
so perhaps the translation you cite is subtly inaccurate. However, your quote states a man and a woman become one flesh. Fine, but to then stretch that to encompass surnames - which did not exist in Biblical times - is a logical step too far. I might even
accept the idea that they be known by a single moniker (though I personally would dispute this) but I can see nothing in the text that mandates whose moniker this should be.

WHY BRIDES CHANGE LAST NAMES