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How long does it Take to Get over a relationship? |
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Stage 3: Anger
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Rejoice!
If
you are feeling anger toward your ex, you are almost home free. This is the final stage
that takes some work getting through but it also means that soon you’ll be back to
your old self again.
Anger is a familiar
emotion to men; as a man you have little difficulty in expressing it because society
accepts anger from you. Women on the other hand have difficulty with anger and its
manifestation can take on characteristics that make it look like depression.
Women tend to
internalize anger or display it via passive-aggressive behavior like a compliment followed by an action of
aggression. The following are some of the signs that will help you determine if you are
finally in the anger stage. |
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Anger
is part of recovery, but it can
turn
the sweetest person into a
veritable
nightmare if not managed
properly.
PRINT |
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You may be in the
Anger stage if
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Any form of emotional, physical or psychological abuse you
allowed from your former mate now appalls you.
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You hope you are around the day someone breaks his/her heart
so you can see him or her get what’s coming to him/her.
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Boiling in oil followed by drawing and quartering is too light
of a sentence for your ex.
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Just thinking of him/her makes you nauseous.
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Methodically you have defaced every picture you ever had of
him/her—and then you burned them.
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Control-Alt-Delete is your favorite database command.
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You’ve considered turning him/her over to the IRS, even
without cause.
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You’ve discovered burning
his/her clothes is cheap firewood.
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When alone, you engage his/her memory in heated arguments,
covering all of the ills, unfairness and destructive things he/she did to you. Righteous,
of course you win. TOP
Anger is an emotion difficult for some,
especially women.
Women are taught to be non-confrontational and caretakers in
our society. Expressions of anger are often realized in two
manners: passive-aggressive acts and despondent depression.
In severe cases of depression, self-mutilation is in
evidence. This is also a symptom of deep depression brought
on by self-loathing and does require professional help.
Self-loathing can be caused when a a woman blames the end of
the relationship on who she is and believes it is her faults
and imperfection that chased him away.
Anger in men is often seen in bullying, displays of physical
superiority, indifference (i.e.: hiding in his work) and passive-aggressive
behavior, (some of the most destructive p-a's I know are men).
Over a long period of time, none of these expressions is healthy, but acting out some of
the angry thoughts is of little use too. There are several constructive methods for
working through anger. Below are a few. TOP |
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Finding
constructive outlets for your anger will keep you in power of your emotions and your life
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Pray.
Even if you do not believe in God, choose something to pray to, a door knob, a
tree, your teddy bear. This is a trick 12-step programs use with Atheists and it
works wonders for the non-religious..
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Find ways to express your anger that does not harm
others |
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Action Plan:
Tools for Navigating Anger
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Pray (seriously) that your ex
experiences all the happiness, love, fortune and gifts that
life has to offer. It will kill you for the first two weeks
but you’ll be surprised at how quickly the anger will pass. TOP
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During the anger phase it is not unusual to find yourself
flip-flopping between anger, depression and denial.
When this happens, re-read the list you made back in the
denial phase that helped you focus on the truth rather than
your efforts to romanticize the experience. Over time,
the anger will dissipate and one day you'll wake up smiling
realizing you have finally reached stage four and the end of
the pain. Welcome to
Acceptance! |
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