Four Stages of Grief: Anger

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How long does it Take to Get over a relationship?

Denial

Depression

Anger

Acceptance

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Stage 3: Anger

 

Rejoice! If you are feeling anger toward your ex, you are almost home free. This is the final stage that takes some work getting through but it also means that soon you’ll be back to your old self again.

Anger is a familiar emotion to men; as a man you have little difficulty in expressing it because society accepts anger from you.  Women on the other hand have difficulty with anger and its manifestation can take on characteristics that make it look like depression. Women tend to internalize anger or display it via passive-aggressive behavior like a compliment followed by an action of aggression. The following are some of the signs that will help you determine if you are finally in the anger stage.

 

Anger is part of recovery, but it can turn the sweetest person into a veritable nightmare if not managed properly.

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You may be in the Anger stage if
  • Any form of emotional, physical or psychological abuse you allowed from your former mate now appalls you.

  • You hope you are around the day someone breaks his/her heart so you can see him or her get what’s coming to him/her.

  • Boiling in oil followed by drawing and quartering is too light of a sentence for your ex.

  • Just thinking of him/her makes you nauseous.

  • Methodically you have defaced every picture you ever had of him/her—and then you burned them.

  • Control-Alt-Delete is your favorite database command.

  • You’ve considered turning him/her over to the IRS, even without cause.

  • You’ve discovered burning his/her clothes is cheap firewood.

  • When alone, you engage his/her memory in heated arguments, covering all of the ills, unfairness and destructive things he/she did to you. Righteous, of course you win. TOP

Anger is an emotion difficult for some, especially women. Women are taught to be non-confrontational and caretakers in our society. Expressions of anger are often realized in two manners:  passive-aggressive acts and despondent depression. In severe cases of depression, self-mutilation is in evidence.  This is also a symptom of deep depression brought on by self-loathing and does require professional help.  Self-loathing can be caused when a a woman blames the end of the relationship on who she is and believes it is her faults and imperfection that chased him away.

Anger in men is often seen in bullying, displays of physical superiority, indifference (i.e.: hiding in his work) and passive-aggressive behavior, (some of the most destructive p-a's I know are men). Over a long period of time, none of these expressions is healthy, but acting out some of the angry thoughts is of little use too. There are several constructive methods for working through anger. Below are a few. TOP

 
 
Finding constructive outlets for your anger will keep you in power of your emotions and your life
 

Pray.   Even if you do not believe in God, choose something to pray to, a door knob, a tree, your teddy bear.  This is a trick 12-step programs use with Atheists and it works wonders for the non-religious.. 
 

Find ways to express your anger that does not harm others

Action Plan:
Tools for Navigating Anger

  • Discover the china and glass section at the Goodwill. Buy some old plates and glasses then crash and break as many as you want. It is deliciously therapeutic to slam them into the ground and listen to them break. They also make great Frisbees.

  • Write down all the reasons you hate your ex, throw away anything that reminds you of him or her into a large trash bag and hold your own funeral for him/her at the city dump. Write the epitaph on cardboard and leave it on top for everyone to see.

  • Glue a picture of your former lover’s face on the bottom of your shoes and walk on him/her all day

  • Take up Kick Boxing or Karate

  • Pray (seriously) that your ex experiences all the happiness, love, fortune and gifts that life has to offer. It will kill you for the first two weeks but you’ll be surprised at how quickly the anger will pass. TOP

 

During the anger phase it is not unusual to find yourself flip-flopping between anger, depression and denial.    When this happens, re-read the list you made back in the denial phase that helped you focus on the truth rather than your efforts to romanticize the experience.  Over time, the anger will dissipate and one day you'll wake up smiling realizing you have finally reached stage four and the end of the pain.  Welcome to Acceptance!

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