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romantic tips for the romantically challenged |
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How to Get Close When You Are
Far Apart
by Michael Webb |
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In this age of Internet chat rooms, easy international
travel and jobs
that take us thousands of miles away from home, long
distance romances are more prevalent than ever.
In reality, relationships where husband and wife live
under the same roof can essentially be long distance
relationships if they have
different (or too busy) schedules and rarely spend
time together.
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I think it is nearly impossible (I did say *nearly*) for long
distance
relationships to remain blissful over the long term. By long
term I
mean two or more years being apart with less than two weeks
being
physically together each year. Intimate relationships thrive
on
touch, feel, sight and smell. TOP
If you find yourself apart from your loved one, here are some
things
you can do to survive the temporary separation.
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Have a concrete plan of permanently reuniting within a
certain time
frame. Hopefully within two years or less. A longer
separation will
likely destroy your relationship. That also goes for couples
who work
different shifts and never see each other at home. If you
don't give
your relationship that vision, it will perish.
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Don't rely solely on email for contact. Again, we need as much physical contact as possible so call when practical and be soothed and encouraged by the sound of each others voice. Send gently worn garments of your clothes so they can remember your distinct smell (maybe use their t-shirt as your pillowcase).
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Send photographs that can be displayed.
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Write letters and spray with your cologne
or
perfume. Have a friend videotape you.
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If both of you have access to email, take the 1000 Questions
for
Couples e-course -- answering 3 or 4 questions a day over 10
months.
Discussing these important and thought provoking questions
will draw
close together even though you might be physically apart.
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Consider writing sensual and graphic letters or emails (not
to
company addresses) to your spouse, reliving some of your past
hot and steamy times together or dream up what the two of you
can do when you come back together. More adventurous couples
might try this over the phone.
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Arrange to do the same things together even though you are
apart.
Plan to take a bubble bath at the very same time in your
respective
tubs or burn a candle at the same time, taking the moment to
think
about each other. Rent the identical movie on the same night
and
imagine holding hands while watching it. Call or email to
talk about
the movie the next day. If you have cheap long distance you
can stay
on the phone while watching the video together.
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Visit your sweetheart's relatives if possible. It will help
keep
your lover present in your mind and draw all of you closer
together.
Michael Webb is a best-selling author and frequent talk show
guest. He is a resident romance expert for Couples Company
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| Philosophical reasoning? I
think it is nearly impossible (I did say *nearly*) for long
distance relationships to remain blissful over the long term.
By long term I mean two or more years being apart with less
than two weeks being physically together each year. Intimate
relationships thrive on touch, feel, sight and smell.>
And I think you are tragically correct. I can only describe it
in comparison to something I once read in how raising a
teenager was like nailing Jell-O to a tree!
My husband and I have thus far survived a marriage of 19
years. And through quite a lot of separations by comparison to
many of his Air Force peers. Nothing concrete comes to mind as
to how we survived for so long. At least not at this time.
I can only make reference to my religious
upbringing as it is often described as the "Religion of Love".
Agape is the Greek word for unconditional love. An
acquaintance brought it to my attention that I may be "in love
with love", and this is possibly why my marriage has survived.
This makes reasonable sense to me as I've apparently not let
anything of this earth come between my love for my husband
because it is love itself that I am in love with. Confusing?
Yes, I'm not sure how I got to this state of my being myself.
Anyway, the most horrendous part has been in being pretty much
a single parent for the last 12 years. It seems it might be
close to the experience of being a widow as there is little
support.
Since we've been stationed with the Army for the last 12
years, I've become familiar with what the Army has called
family support. But I find this as being a terrible answer
(being AF, I did not benefit by this support) because it seems
the burden is put on the spouses of those left behind in the
command that is deployed.
I've experienced an unusual phenomena that when my
husband leaves, the "household gremlins" move-in and
everything that could break down, suddenly does! Leaving me
stressed and unable to engage in lovely-dovey communication
with my deployed spouse. Once, when taking my children to
school, the batteries we dead in both vehicles! One was brand
new! Luckily I have an angel neighbor who does things like
noticing I didn't put my trash out and does it for me when my
husband is gone. Usually I am ill or stressed out when I
forget!
Maybe if the civilian communities like having the military
families continue to live there when the spouse is deployed or
at war, they can have their own sort of "Hearts Apart"
Community program to provide support in things such as
childcare, transportation (vehicle breakdowns), and minor
repairs. This can be done through community volunteers and
businesses by giving redeemable coupons so as the system is
not taken advantage of. |
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