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I
finally found a great photographer! He (and everyone who knows
me) knows that photographer is my favorite hobby! I told him
that the pictures were over a thousand dollars. I described the
package to him. When he came back from deployment I took him to
the photography studio but it was closed. Originally, I said
that I would pay for the wedding album. Later after I did some
deep thinking I felt that (this being MY wedding and HIS
wedding) that we should BOTH pay half for the album. When I
mentioned this to him he didn't like it.
He thought
the package was too expensive. He felt that he wasn't apart of
the process of picking a photographer. I also reminded him that
he wasn't part of lots of things because he was deployed! I've
told him over and over that you shouldn't skimp on wedding
photography- you'll regret it. Also my parents paid for the
wedding reception and the wedding. He is only paying for some
wedding flowers and the rehearsal dinner (his dad) and the
honeymoon!! So it's not like he's paid for the bulk of the
wedding anyway! One comment he made was that he didn't want us
to be in debt after the wedding. Yet in the beginning he
expected us to pay for the wedding. I have paid for lots of
expenses but I wasn't able to take out a loan because I wouldn't
have a job after the wedding. Therefore, my parents paid for the
bulk of the wedding. The wedding album has been a sore spot ever
since I picked that photographer.
Then about
fourteen days BEFORE our wedding he purchased a brand new SUV. I
told him that it was insensitive of him to purchase such a big
ticket item DAYS before our wedding (without me being apart of
it)! And also how can he continue to complain about the wedding
album (which he did as we dined on the last day of our honeymoon
cruise) when he purchased an SUV, which is a much more than
pictures??? My new husband is a neat freak. I won't say that
everything is totally spotless but he cleans the dishes right
after he eats. He doesn't use the dishwasher because he feels
that it doesn't get the dishes completely clean (I use the
dishwasher though). He is critical of my keeping receipts (which
cause clutter) verses seeing the transactions on the Internet.
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He
says once I've seen that the transactions have posted, I
should throw away the receipt. He washes closes almost
nightly- because he doesn't like dirty clothes. I cooked
my first meal for him and I gave him a little taste. He
never even made a plate of food to try it. When I asked
him if he liked it he said that he only tasted the
little bit that I gave him. That was pretty
disappointing to me (that being the FIRST time I cooked
for him). He is a naval lieutenant. When we got married
I moved where he was and resigned from my teaching
position. As a result I've received my last paycheck
from my previous job and will be dependant upon him
financially. Yesterday I bought some bar soap and when
he got home he questioned me about this purchase. He
said that he didn't understand why I needed to buy bar
soap when he already bought shower gel. I told him that
sometimes I like to use soap and other times I like
showers gel. |
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engagement TIP
If you are about to get
married soon and would like to AVOID this type of strife
in your new marriage, Couples Company strongly suggests
purchasing Michael Webb's book:
1,000 questions for Couples.
These are
the questions you should be asking before you say I
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If you are
already married, this book can help you get on the same
page for the parenting challenges ahead. |
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We
continued to discuss this issue. Then I laughed and said are we
really arguing because I bought some soap? I thought this was
totally foolish. He felt that since we already had soap we
didn't need anymore. I feel that is an issue of control. I also
realize that when people argue over foolish issues they are
really mad about something else. I am also left to wonder if
this is a problem- a purchase that I made with my own money. How
will things be when I'm totally dependant upon him financially?
Before we got married he told me that he came with benefits
(which is weird to say)-being that he's educated (and so am I)
and in the military. He also seems to be doing well financially
which he has let me know (he has also recently received a
promotion to) but we seem to have MAJOR issues when it comes to
finances.
I've moved
CLEAR across the country to be with him- and being that his
career is here (in California). I'm from Georgia so I talk to my
parents, brother and friends frequently (email and telephone). I
just want them to know how I'm doing. He seems to feel that I
should be closer to him than them now. Possibly, if I didn't
feel these reoccurring problems I would feel closer to him (and
not talk to him as often). I feel that he is used to being in
control yet I'm used to being responsible for myself. I also
realize that there is no "magic solution" to solve these
problems. However, could you please give me some suggestions to
help this very new marriage?
Answer
Newlywed (26) F
Naugatuck, CT Married <30 days
Together 4 years and 2 months
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