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Could it be that our salacious voyeuristic
instincts are just getting off wondering what these women are
thinking of their man's behavior or could it be that the look is not
that unfamiliar to millions of women who have looked that way at
their men or to their men who have been looked at that way.
What has happened to marriage? Baby, baby where
did our love go?
I remember a husband once saying to his wife in
my therapy room: Whatever happened to my sweet little girl who used
to adore me?
Without missing a beat his wife responded: You
stopped being adorable.
I have seen hundreds of couples where husbands
have the same complaints: 'She used to think I was funny and be so
warm and so nurturing and now she looks at me like I'm silly and
everything is a negotiation. I still love her, but I don't think she
likes me.'
What's up? And what brought marriage down to its
knees?
Wherever you go, you see it? Women directing,
barking orders and men passive aggressively dawdling or sullenly
muttering, 'Get off my frickin back!'. That look of adoration in her
eyes had been replaced by annoyance, irritation and impatience. The
men don't like it, but since one of the rules they still live by
'It's not okay to hit a girl,' they take their hurt and anger out in
other ways.
That might mean alcohol, gambling, cars,
motorcycles. And sometimes it means looking elsewhere for the
adoration and respect that their wives once felt for them. It could
be with an affair or using their imagination and attributing those
feelings to a smile on a prostitute or the smile from a porn star on
their computer monitor.
What happened? How did the strong foundation for
love become a floor that drops out of a marriage?
The answer is that the love was flawed from the
beginning. It turns out he never knew her or cared to really know
her in the first place. He just loved the way she made him feel
about himself.
And when she discovered that she was being used
and often made promises in the heat of passion that he never had
intended to keep, she fired back and started to use him in return to
father a child, feather a nest or support her career aspirations.
And the solution? Couples need to realize and
accept that true intimacy only begins when the intoxication and
illusion of early love and lust dies down and gives way to reality.
They need to see that immature love is about loving the other for
what they do right and mature love is about loving someone in spite
of what they do wrong. If you look for it, there is much to
love in spite of what each other does wrong. You just have to look
for it.
Just because early love is an illusion, doesn't mean you have to
become disillusioned with later love.
Also See:
My Partner Cheat? Never!
29 Red Flags That May Suggest a Cheater
&
What's a guy to do when his wife is just not into sex?
What's your opinion? Share it at the
Usable Insight blog.
(c) 2008 Mark Goulston
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