PassionFile

Recent films like Wanderlust, The Vow, Valentine's Day and so many other movies support the notion that intimacy has to be so much more than just holding hands. These movies and so many more support and promote the expectation that intimacy must include a heated interchange, physical calisthenics and ex-rated moves.

The Hollywood stories couldn't be the farther from the truth.

When I see a couple that have been together for well over ten years and holding hands, that condenses the whole feeling of this reality. Often-times I will be out with my wife and we will see a senior couple that is clearly in love and all that they might be doing is holding hands. That may not be because they can't or won't get intimate with each  other in the hot, passionate Hollywood style (I hear the ews from my daughters), but rather that they can now appreciate how much emotion enters into the relationship equation and the true basis for intimacy.

Seniors and Children Need Touch Too

It isn't a question of how intimate a couple gets. All people need some form of affection. We know scientifically, that babies need love to grow and that children need love in order to have self-confidence. In fact, a report on the BBC made it clear that teens and young adults get involved with gangs and submit to a variety of degrading and dangerous activities specifically because their parents don't give them love and affection that doesn't necessarily include and involve hugs and kisses, just recognition, boundaries and encouragement, not pressure to perform, be perfect or a friend to the  parent.

Children need Hugs and Kisses

Often times we will get push-back from an individual in any stage of life for one reason or another and it is in our best interest to communicate as to why. It is understandable that there is difficulty in talking about certain issues, especially sexual activity as a parent with children that may be exploring this. No matter how uncomfortable we are with the issues, it is our job to introduce and discuss them (drugs, bullying, etc...) and not act like a friend to our children. It is well known in the annals of child rearing, yet so many parents get it wrong and look for recognition and support for themselves when it should be the other way around. Remember who the parent is as we often get things mixed-up.

Indeed, you'll notice how difficult it is to actually touch an individual in our culture as in many others. I don't mean shaking someones hand which is a relatively new practice adopted in the wars or with marriages (depending on which history you believe). A hand on someones shoulder, or elbow or other body part will often feel inappropriate and uncomfortable, but over-time will be accepted. The same is true for relationships, whether intimate or parental and some people take longer to accept the gesture than others. For couples, this should obviously be natural and if relationships are suffering, it is one of the first things to go, that is any sense of intimacy, including touching, no matter how small.

That shouldn't stop you from making contact, rather it should allow you to discuss the desired intimacy and deal with any surface or more deep seated issues so that a hug, hand-holding or other similarly subtle physical gesture is welcomed and nurturing. If you are a couple, it is a perfect way to get things back on track. A simple, sweet effort. Small, but sincere is very powerful.