I often heard that some of the responses I give when answering delicate relationship questions sound, canned or as if "I wrote the book". Not to worry, I don't do that... much... anymore, but what it did teach me is that most anyone can be educated in the ways of romance.
You can be romantically or socially handicapped and sometimes both
Sure, there is a wide spectrum of candidates and some men and women resist the effort to do romantic things and essentially let themselves be romantic. Romance is indeed a frame of mind. The football watching jock that hasn't got a clue about the needs, wants and desires of the poor woman that has fallen in love with him, or the geeky tech drone who spends his days playing games and his nights fixing computer components are both very real examples of the romantically and socially handicapped.
For the most part, these examples are outliers in the world of relationships, but there are a whole lot of people (yes, far more men, likely because we men have less of the nurturing hormones coursing through out veins and in our brain) who can use some education when it comes to romance. The commercial companies would have us believe that it requires expensive gifts, frequent dinners out and diamonds, a whole lot of diamonds! The truth is that the most romantic gestures come in the form of consideration and thoughtfulness, not from the little blue jewellery box, or some hip-hop bling.
Think about what you're saying and take your time with the delivery
The reason some of my responses sound pre-programmed or too good to be true, is that in today's' society, our expectation of chivalry in a man and deportment in a woman are very low and for good reason. Beyond the insulting and mind numbingly poor personalities splashed all over the reality television screens, we have become a nation of people who settle. That is why saying the right thing automatically perks peoples ears up and makes them cynical, questioning a persons motives or sanity when they reply properly. It doesn't take a great deal of effort to just listen and respond slowly and deliberately with deference to your partner or potential partner. There seems to be a rush to do and say everything and that is one key difference between being romantic and not. Think about what you are saying and take your time!
Now that I have your attention, I'm happy to say that the teaching of being romantic is not that difficult and can be quick and humorous as well. Oh yes and that would be lesson number two. You don't have to be a split your rib-cage comedian to be humorous. All you need to be is attentive and witty with a few well placed remarks about everyday issues that can be easily related to. Once again, you don't have to be an expert, just willing to try and even the effort is often perceived as being romantic, especially if you put your foot in your mouth trying to be funny.
That is the beauty of being romantic, it takes only a few moments of focusing on your partner and no matter how imperfect the gesture is, it will be appreciated and you will be well thought of. You don't need to memorize and special physical cues. Nor will you need to study the 15 things necessary to build-up your romance IQ. You just need to take the first step and don't fall for the traditional or mundane. Explore different and simple options that won't have the possibility of failing miserably. You won't have to have any anxiety about whether or not you picked the right restaurant, vacation spot or diamond ring. After-all, it isn't the ring that is romantic, it is the process of setting that ring on your love ones finger, or making your partner a special meal that he/she loves and often it is just holding hands down a romantic path in a part of town that exudes romance. These places can be easily found, just ask like minded people ideally that know you and your partner.
You can take formal courses or just trial and error
As for seminars, conferences and courses to teach someone how to be romantic, you should absolutely explore these more formal types of information gathering and habit forming. If you are one of the many people who don't quite know what to do about romance, a good read or a one hour course with someone well versed in romance can be a launchpad to a life of romance and what happens after (that would be passion and intimacy). Often these two benefits are not considered when considering a romantic interlude and that in and of itself should be enough to make everyone start getting romantic. Not only is it good for our mental health, but it's also good for us physically (hormones again) and for some spiritually. It makes the learning about romance so much more palatable than sitting in a classroom watching some fuddy-duddy write lessons on the white board!
Of course, not everyone will learn the basics and excel at romance. Just as we all have different levels of those feel good, nurturing and stress hormones in our bodies, we will also have similarly different experiences picking-up romantic gestures, understanding the subtleties of relationship building with a romantic bent and letting go of our concern about being perfect or whether our partner is happy, or likes what we've done. Like I said before, it isn't about the thing, it's about the effort. While we may not get-it the first to the tenth time, we may already have the benefits of even thinking about it and that is the third most important aspect of romance, just thinking about it, since that alone will be a motivator and the results will likely lead to more romance and then... well you get the idea!
