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1. "You used to think I was funny." Many men wonder what
happened to the girl they used to make laugh, and why she now
looks at him as silly. Yet women find it hard to laugh when a guy
has not followed through on things he promised to do.
2. "I said I'd do it! Just stop nagging me!" Men wonder why
women burst out telling them to do things now when they're
busy doing something else. Women think that there's rarely a
"good" time to ask men anything.
3. "I want sex, but I'd rather not have to initiate it again."
It's tough for men to keep initiating sex when their partners are
not in the mood. Then if men become sullen at the lack of sex,
women will be turned off and even less likely to get in the mood,
much less initiate physical intimacy.
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4. "You don't want me to listen to you; you want me to agree
with you." Men like the give-and-take in conversations. They
don't like directives to change opinions and agree, while
pretending they are having an open discussion.
5. "How is it that you're so sure what I'm feeling when you
haven't bothered to find out the facts?" Men can't stand when
women presume what makes them tick. Especially when women dish it
out, but can't take it in return. Women can't understand why their
words cause defensiveness when they are only trying to make their
mate a "better person."
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6. "Why does needing a little quiet time mean I'm aloof, shut
down or, worse, sneaky?" Men come home and just want some time
to relax. Women often feel that they themselves never get a break.
Resentment in either direction makes it even more difficult to
relax.
7. "If I don't say you look great, I'm critical; if I do, then
I'm just saying it to pacify you." Women who frequently ask
how they look are going to start looking unattractive. Women
wonder why men check out other women, yet could care less about
the appearance of their own partner.
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8. "When I'm too overloaded with details from my day to listen
to yours, it means I don't care. Yet when you asks what's on my
mind and I begin to tell you, you change the subject." It's
tough for guys to listen to the details of their mate's day when
they have no available brain space. And when they do open up, it's
frustrating for them to begin to share, only to discover that
their partner isn't interested.
9. "If you spend money to decorate our home, that's for us. If
I spend money on things I like, I'm being selfish." Men
are often puzzled and resentful when their wives fix up the home
for "both of them," when the men themselves could be happy living
in a Winnebago. Then, when they buy something that's purely fun
for themselves, men are considered selfish. Women wonder, though,
why their men then show pride when friends are impressed with how
great their place looks.
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10. "Why are you always trying to change me?" Men often
wonder why they were good enough the way they were when they met
their wives, yet now it seems that nothing they do is ever good
enough.
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Feel like exploding from all these wrongful charges? Want to
deliver your list to the guy in your life?
Here's a better suggestion. Print up this list, share it with your
guy, and ask him these three questions:
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How many of these thoughts do you have?
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How much do they bother you, and for how long have they been on
your mind?
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How worried were you that I'd explode if you said them to me?
If your partner does have these common complaints, bring them out
in the open and talk them through. Find out how and why he came to
feel certain frustrated in certain ways -- so you can stop the
frustrations from coming between you.
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