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Fortunately, this little experiment in spontaneous fornication hurt badly enough that I
did learn my lesson, but it also put me in the awkward situation of explaining to others
my current status as a single, since I was again on the market. What I have discovered is
most men equate dating or seeing someone as "having sex" with someone. This fact
makes communication a little difficult, for both parties and left me to wonder.
Were my
definitions ludicrous? I consulted the experts. First my friends, and then Webster
himself. Below are the true definitions of what women are really
thinking about your relationship, translated directly for you by the words she chooses.
Dating, Seeing or Involved
Definitively Defined
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at least heard of you. You talk on
the phone at least twice a week.
Does not include intercourse or fellatio, but allows for some heavy
groping.
Involved:
Are having sex with. Can occur before 4 dates for many women.
Exclusivity is implied but not necessarily verbalized. May, (if he’s called
‘boyfriend’) or may not (if he’s called ‘boy-toy’) include a
long-term commitment.
Webster
kind of agrees with the women of today on the distinctions between Dating, Seeing, and
Involved. Once a woman becomes involved with a man, things usually do get complicated or
entangled. And when a woman sees a guy, she is trying to learn from him and figure him
our…primarily to see if he’s involvement material. Both camps seem to agree on
dating. So, why the confusion? Maybe the distinctions have never been explained.
Here’s an analogy.
TOP
Dating is like
shopping for women. We try on, (date) several styles of men until we find one that
feels right, is versatile and makes us look great. After some consideration, if we think
he’s a good deal, we pay for him with affection (start seeing him) and take
him home. If he lives up to the advertising hype and doesn’t break down before his
warranty expires, we’ll take good care of him, making sure he gets his regularly
scheduled maintenance, (sex, companionship and intimacy), and become involved. But,
if after awhile he doesn’t fit, or makes us feel bad, we either take him back or give
him to the Goodwill, writing him off on our emotional taxes. It’s that simple.
Dating, Seeing and Involved-each has a distinct meaning and a
specific set of actions accompanying the word. For women, if we say we are dating or
seeing, that definitely means we are not involved, which means we are still available to
you.
So
what did I learn from this little adventure in dating terminology? Be
specific when speaking to men. If they ask, "Do you have a boyfriend?" unless
I’m involved, I answer, "No, I am single." Men understand
"Single". There is no room for misinterpretation there.
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