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The Situation
"Why are you waiting?" she asked between breaths as he
continued to thrust inside her. She could tell he wanted to
cum, the veins on his forehead shown blue, strained as if to burst
from his skin. He was sweating, intent and flush from excitement.
"You first," he panted, gritting his teeth in
an attempt to control the forces taking over his body and
scrambling his mind with an excruciating need to release.
Freedom was close, so close, yet she seemed so far away from the
same. Beneath him she again pleaded, "Darling, now!
Explode! Now, now, please!"
"No," he grimaces between thrusts. "You
haven't cum yet. You first!"
But he doesn't know she never will. Not
like this.
Inside, the pounding and fast friction for
minutes at a time have dulled the nerve endings. The only
thing she feels is a numb pounding, vaguely painful now,
increasing in intensity as each thrust crashes into her cervix.
Even her clitoris is useless, numbed too from the repetitive
pounding. To regain the feeling, she knows all must stop for
at least a half hour or longer. But she's set a precedence,
too many times before. Pressure, she's feeling it now, but
not the physical kind. The mental pressure to climax.
She must do it. Somehow she must do it! TOP
He takes such pride in being the man able to
break the "O" barrier, to give her such pleasure and relief.
He is her savior, her deliverer to ecstasy, virile, strong and
loving. She has no desire to love another, only he.
And, as concerned for her, he's postponing his own pleasure so she
too can share. TOP
To cum, he's insisting. An act of
chivalry she both appreciates and dreads. The harder she
tries to comply, the more anxious and further from achievement she
slides. As her level of anxiety rises, her body begins to
dry. Yet another obstacle she now must overcome as the
promise of deliverance slips further from her grasp.
These thoughts scatter about her head as he
continues to do his best to please her. She's now tired,
becoming sore and fatigued, but so wants to make him happy.
Her reward? The ear to ear grin and happy exhaustion he
emanates, proud in his accomplishment to once again please her.
How can she take that away from him? It's one of her favorite
moments, that satisfied grin of a happy little boy, so proud of
himself and the liquid masterpiece he's painted.
TOP
She will not take that away. Next time
she'll try harder, focus more on the tactile within. Next
time. There is always next time.
Closing her eyes, she begins the dance.
The breathing, the words, the panting, moaning and sweat.
She knows the faster she breathes, the more oxygen she takes in,
and with it her skin will glow. To a young man, not well
schooled in women, this would be enough. The proper cry, a
clutch and tensing of the leg muscles, to a young man she' s cum.
Take a man with experience and he will see through this, as will
she because she now knows what it means to cum. Pulsating
within, she uses her Keigle muscles to grab at him, pressing and
releasing in quick succession. She's learn to do this
through sessions with herself and has perfected the art to near
science. She knows she can orgasm; she knows what it
feels like and has studied her body to recreate this for him.
To tell him differently, she hasn't the courage.
What's Going On?
The situation described in this story is played out by
millions of women around the world every night. It is a
secret most are too afraid to tell, yet as women we talk about it
amongst ourselves.
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Please note that
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The media and popular culture paint
achieving orgasm in a woman as the bellwether of
virility in a man. For most adults, our first exposure
to what an orgasm looks or sounds like came in the form of
movies and romance novels. In these we are taught to
moan, groan and breathe heavily. Men are shown
aggressively pumping pleasure into a woman, and she in turn
acknowledges this gratification vocally and physically.
This is what we learn, and this is what we believe.
Prior to 25 years ago, this subject was not
discussed in polite society. It was taboo and considered
ill-mannered. Today it is discussed, but it is still
considered taboo to admit to faking orgasm. Yet go to
any newsstand selling lifestyle magazines in the United States
and you would be hard pressed not to find at least one cover
touting the solution to achieving orgasm.
In 1996, when I first began writing the
Sensuality Series, I privately interviewed 100 women (23-65)
about their sexual practices, likes and dislikes. Though
not scientific, a few themes emerged.
TOP
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100% had faked orgasm at some point in their
life.
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81% admitted to doing so with their current
partner
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29% of the married women stated they had never
experienced an orgasm either with their husband or
through self-manipulation.
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72% said they have never experienced an orgasm
through penile penetration alone.
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Of those whom did manage to experience
orgasm with a man inside, 40% were able to do so through anal
sex, and 69% by being on top. Another method that seemed
to work well was spooning or having the man come from behind,
assisted by clitoral stimulation or bullet insertions.
The average number of years of sexual
experience before a woman experienced her first orgasm: 5
years. TOP
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So why do women fake it? There are a
number of reasons as individual as the women themselves, but a
few reasons were fairly consistent.
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1) To spare their lovers feelings
Men are heroes to the women that love them and the
last thing most want to do is give them a reason to feel
less than superman. By faking it, women believe the
illusion of a perfect sex life can be maintained and her
lover will continue to believe he is the best that has
ever been.
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2) Embarrassment
There are two types of embarrassment. The first
is the amount of time it takes for most women to reach
orgasm with a partner...around 35-40 minutes. The second
is based upon credibility, even if she wants to address
the issue. How do you tell a man you've been with
for months or years that you've been faking it the entire
time?
3) Didn't realize she was faking it
In Thelma & Louise, there is a classic scene in
the coffee shop where Gena Davis comes in flush after a
night of sex with Brad Pitt. She says to Susan Sarandon,
"Now I finally know what all of the fuss is about!"
Many women truly believe they cum,
based upon the build-up sensations, which are quite
powerful and titillating. Then one day, they
suddenly learn what it really is either through
happenstance, masturbation or a savvy lover. Until
then, she honestly does not realize she's been faking it. TOP
4) Not in the mood, but want to
satisfy him
Part of being a good wife is keeping your husband
happy. Sometimes he's in the mood, but she's not.
By faking it, she can leave him satisfied and fulfilled
and move onto what she was doing. TOP
5) Ready to wrap it up
Like the story at the beginning of this article,
faking it is the quickest way to end the encounter.
That doesn't mean she is not enjoying herself. Quite
the contrary. It usually means she's just getting tired,
sore or has too many other things on her mind to devote
complete attention to the act and she doesn't see herself
achieving orgasm. It's a graceful exit. TOP
6) Guilt
This is where chivalry turns to guilt. She knows
her lover adores her and may even cherish the fact he will
not cum until she does. But, this places a
tremendous amount of pressure on her to perform.
This pressure turns to anxiety, the anxiety turns to panic
and now she is so worked up over having an orgasm, she
can't. Since this is his policy, he may never cum
again! Out of guilt, she concedes in an effort to
satisfy him. TOP
7) Fear
Some women are just afraid to cum, or afraid they
never will. Some believe God will punish them for
enjoying sex, practicing fellatio or even
self-exploration, while others believe there is something
wrong with themselves. If everyone else can, why can't
she? She's afraid to tell you because she's afraid
you will see her as flawed and less of a woman. She
believes you will stop loving her and not want her because
she can't be pleased.
TOP
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Whether you think it is right or wrong,
women do fake orgasm and the reasons are as varied as the
situations themselves. But what is most important for
men to understand is that when a woman fakes it, she's not
mocking or disparaging you. In her own way, she's trying
to protect you and the relationship. It's self
perpetuating, especially if the act has become habit.
Then, how do you get out of it? This is where Couples
Company needs your help.
Hypothetical situation: If you suspect your wife or girlfriend
is faking orgasm with you:
Tell us what
you think and how you would approach this situation.
We'll be using the answers you provide in a future article,
which will premier in Couples Company's woman's area, Mystique.
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