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I speak from
experience when I say it is possible to marry your best
friend and enjoy a rich, fulfilling, and romantic,
relationship with her for a lifetime.
For lack of
a plan, too many men fall for a woman too quickly¾or
not at all. We suffer from poor odds in intimate relationships
because we don’t know enough about ourselves or about the
specifics that interest us in a woman. If we get slam-dunked
by her unworldly beauty or our own overwhelming sexuality, we
miss a lot of points in, what to us is an Olympian event.
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I say,
plan the work, then work the plan. Start by asking
yourself some questions. For example,
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What do
you really want in a woman¾the
one you’ll want to be with for a lifetime?
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What
qualities do you need to avoid at all costs?
By making,
and discussing with close friends, a list of negotiable and
non-negotiable qualities that are important to you, you’ll
learn more about who you are, what you want, and have a much
better chance for success. Try to keep
non-negotiables at no more than 5 and no less than 3.
Everything else is icing on the cake and part of your wish
list.
Rule
number one. Great sex, driven by mutual lust can’t
support a relationship for long. Maybe six months¾a
year if you’re lucky. Playing the sex card before you know if
she has the right stuff will always distort your judgment.
Then as lust falls away and close emotional attachment reaches
for a loving hand to hold, you’ll want a lot more in common
than a good time between the sheets to avoid disappointment.
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So the
best strategy is don’t initiate sex until you’re satisfied she
has enough in common with you so that a lasting relationship
is a possibility. Learn if she is who you hope she is for
the long run, by being sharp and listening up.
See Chapter
Three in Build a Better Spouse Trap, or
read next month’s column to learn
how to find out if she might be that great love you are
looking for.
(Parts
of this column have been excerpted from Build a Better
Spouse Trap. M. Evans, Publisher.) |
