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Romance Ends Due to House of Filthy
Horrors
A modern day true story of love (and a night of brain-altering
sex) lost to cockroaches and college sheik
Josie, thirty-four year old executive met an
attractive, articulate thirty-five year old attorney at a party in Los Angeles. The two
hit it off right away and he invited her down for dinner at his home in San Diego. At
first look, his home was sparsely decorated and he shared the rental with two college
students, a twenty-year old girl and a twenty-two year old boy. Josie decided she could
live with this since she had her own place, but found it a bit strange that a thirty-five
year old still lived in this situation.
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For Josie, home is very important. It
represents security, a safe place to go where she can be herself and escape the world. She
lived alone in an upscale apartment community and though her furniture and decorations
were not expensive, her home is kept clean and comfortable. In view of what she saw, she
became nervous. Just one year before she had been involved with another thirty-five
year old man, a doctor and the similarities in their living styles were undeniable.
She hoped this was not the case with this man.
For several weeks, the two visited
each other going back and forth between cities. Josie loved being with him. He was a
passionate kisser, thoughtful and fun. She found him so easy to be with. On her eighth
trip to San Diego, Josie decided to finally spend the night. This was the first time she
saw his bedroom.
Nothing could have prepared her for
the shock. Situated against the wall, a beat up desk with a computer on it and a box
spring with mattress on the floor. This was the only furniture in the room. The white
walls had long since turned gray and had not seen a coat of paint in at least a decade.
The doors were half hung on the closet, clothes were lying out and the bed was unmade, no
comforter or spread, but at least he had a top and bottom sheet. The wood floor displayed
a thin layer of dust and the varnish had worn off sometime in the past century. Taking in
the room, all intentions and desires toward romance evaporated from her. She felt
like she was in a cheap hotel banished to a room fit only for a ten dollar whore. But that
wasn’t the worse of it.
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In the bathroom, the shower was caked
with black mold, soap scum and a hair clogged drain. She nearly vomited at the thought of
using it. Next to the toilet, a kitchen size garbage can overflowed with paper and other
discards. As she moved it aside to use the facilities, a cockroach crawled out from
behind. A shiver ran through her body. She had lived like this when she was nineteen in
college; she would be damned if she were going to live like this again. A glance at the
clock, and panic set in. It was eleven at night and she'd been drinking. She’d
have to stay and drive back in the morning.
Careful not to touch the floor with
her bare feet, she wiggled into her night shirt. Sex was out of the question even
though she had planned to make this night their first time. Now, she couldn't. Her
skin was crawling from the experience and her stomach nauseous from the restroom. Quietly
she lay next to him in bed and as he drew her into his arms, she nearly forgot about the
bathroom, the floor and everything else until….Vrooooom!
His home was located in the flight
path of the San Diego International Airport and the planes were taking off every three
minutes. The picture on the wall shook with each new departure. This lasted until
midnight. At six fifteen in the morning, the planes started again. He seemed oblivious.
She was exasperated. It was Monday morning and she still had the three-hour rush hour
drive to her job in LA ahead of her. Frightened of the shower, she washed her face in the
dish laden kitchen sink, kissed him hastily good-bye and ran for the safety of her car.
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On the drive home, she realized this
would never work out. The distance wasn’t the problem. If all went well, she had
decided to move to San Diego when her lease expired in six months. The planes were
annoying. But she could live with that for six months. The deal-breaker was the filth and
college like existence. She didn’t feel safe in the house. She didn’t feel
comfortable and his lack of pride for his surroundings told her that his values regarding
house and home were incompatible with hers.
Maids cost just $50 (or $16.66 per
roommate) a week, a small price for comfort she surmised. Yet it was too high of
price for him to pay; his habitat spoke this fact in volumes. With their living in
two cities, that meant his would be her second home. She couldn’t stomach
staying even one more night in those surroundings. Regrettably she admitted to herself on
the long drive home, this relationship, which seemed so promising was indeed, over.
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Epilogue:
Puzzled by her sudden disinterest in him, her quick escape and avoidance of his
phone calls, our San Diego man drove up to LA to see what was up. Josie explained to
him what she was uncomfortable with and what it would take for her to continue dating him.
Shocked, he had not considered the repercussions of his lifestyle and became angry and
drove off, only to call her an hour later from his car to negotiate something they could
both live with. The deal they struck was that he would get a maid, a bed frame and
paint the walls in his room (which she offered to help with) and she agreed to buy ear
plugs to contend with the planes taking off. She then informed him if his home ever
looked like a slum lord's house again when she entered, she would either go home or stay
in a hotel, alone and he would pay for it. Fortunately, she only had to do this
three times, at his expense before he figured out the maid was cheaper.
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On the Next Page we
translate for you women's impressions, good and bad, based
upon the things she sees when entering your home. On the third
page, (because it wouldn't be fair to tell you all this stuff and
then not give you the tools to do it) we've included a
checklist and cheat sheet that will have your
date feeling like a princess and your mother thoroughly impressed
with your maturity and housekeeping abilities.
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