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The Plan (based on our
advice seekers situation):
0-24 months:
Addressing and eliminating the obstacles
Our advice
seeker has several daunting personal issues that must be
addresses and resolved prior to pursuing her goal of moving to
San Francisco. She must focus first on
the family and take care of the problems impeding progress
before making plans to implement it. Moving now without a plan
or strategy will be disastrous. She and her
family need to stay put in their small town for the next two
years. They have some personal issues that need to be addressed
and solved first.
Her first step will be to persuade her husband
to seek counseling so he can work through the fear that is
trapping his family and himself. This can be done nearly for
free as many communities have sliding scale or gratis programs for
psychologists in training or where practicing psychologists give
back to the community. Expect this to be at least a two-year
commitment. Until he changes his attitude and blasts through
the fears holding him back, nothing else can happen. The family
is dead in the water.
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While he’s
working on his issues, she needs to be patient and take control.
Teamwork is part of a strong marriage and each spouse will hit
times of trial when reliance on the other becomes paramount to
the survival of the union. Our advice seeker has entered
into such a situation.
Her husband
needs the time to work through his fear, anger, frustration and
undoubted feelings of inadequacy. She needs marshal her
dissatisfaction and respect his need to address the issues.
While he focuses on these changes, she will need to assume
position as the temporary head of household. This frees him up
to confront his own fears without the fear of aural castration
and dissent from her. Concurrently, she needs to begin
exploring her own options and deciding where she (and later he
when healthier), want to be in ten years.
This is the plan.
Decide where you want to be. Once the plan and goal are
identified, the next step is to outline the execution. The steps
of execution can
include going to night school, devoting 2-hours a day to
self-education or taking a part-time job that puts her in a
position to learn skills like filing, computers and phone
skills.
What if you do
not have computer skills?
Personally, with the exception of a Computer Aided Drafting,
(CAD) class I took in 1988 and the Fortran programming class I
flunked in 1989, I've never taken a computer class. An
autodidact, everything I've learned about office programs,
web development, graphics and programming I've taught myself.
Computers are intuitive. Our advice seeker can
self-teach herself at the local library the basic office
programs in less than 3-days. Yes, it takes a little longer
to master the programs, but the skills are there for anyone with
two to three days to spare. It’s only the first two hours
that are intimidating.
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Years 2-5: Putting the plan into action
Our advice
seeker wants to be
closer to her family and they are in San Francisco. During this
period, moving to California may be a good idea if she and her
husband are committed to getting an education to better their
lives. Cities like Bakersfield, Redding, Fresno or Riverside
offer relatively affordable housing and good job prospects
without the competition of Los Angeles and San Francisco.
After a year to
establish residency, both will be able to attend college. The
community colleges are extremely inexpensive in California
averaging just $180 a quarter for full-time; since she has a
family and a low income level, Financial Aid and grants will
cover most of this. She can be filing for these as they
establish residency. On a limited budget, a two-year,
transferable Associates Degree will enable both to complete
their Freshman and Sophomore years inexpensively, and more
importantly in small classes where they can really learn. At
schools like UCLA, many of freshman and sophomore required
courses are conducted in a stadium setting with classes
exceeding 450 students. Not optimal for learning the basics
like math and English, especially if these are areas you
struggle in. A state university is also not a prudent
choice for the first two years if finances are a problem.
And here is a
piece of inside information. When you receive your 4-year
degree, it only shows the university you graduate from.
Nobody ever needs to know you attended a community college.
In 20-years of working, I've never had any employer or
institution question or check past the 4 year degree and
institution. Attending a Community College can remain your
little secret.
Bonus: Most
of the people attending school at a community college with them,
will be like them: older, with families and striving for a
better life. This is a tremendous support system and a rich
resource for real-world applications of the lessons learned.
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With a two-year
degree in business in cities like Redding, Fresno or
Bakersfield, both spouses will have the skills to take positions
in management or assistant management at local retailers and
small companies. Some of larger companies may also have tuition
reimbursement programs that will assist in paying for the final
two years at one of the state universities. Even universities
like UCLA and USC are very inexpensive in California when compared
to other states. It’s the cost of living that makes them
expensive. This can avoided by sticking to state universities
located outside the major cities like in Dublin, Fresno and
Riverside.
Years 6-8:
Adding the
experience and building the network
During this
period the couple will have two focuses:
completing the degree and focusing on work experience. By this
point, the couple will be very close to realizing their dreams
and they’ve shown their children the value of goals and
education. Their standard of living will likely be 4X that of
what they started with six years before and the best will be
yet to come.
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Years 9-10:
Reaping the rewards
Graduation and
time to move, but not to San Francisco, yet. Sacramento is just
2 hours from San Francisco and as a mid-size city, it will offer
the couple a chance to pay their career dues and fine tune their
skills. Here they can move up and learn the basic principles
that drive a business, experiment in different industries to
find their passion, develop a network and experience cushion.
This is also close enough to San Francisco that the couple can
begin testing the waters and looking into new opportunities.
Opportunities will present themselves with some effort in
finding them. Now our advice seeker and her husband will have one of the keys to success,
an education. Through diligence they can create the other
keys, experience and network. With all three in place, they can
confidently move to San Francisco and start living their dreams.
Conclusion: This
same scenario works in any state. All states have small
towns, midsize and large cities. The key is to first deal
with any personal issues that will impede your ability to apply
yourself. Next gain experience and skills along the way by
living in an environment that is going to afford you and your
family the best opportunities and quality of life. America
is a wonderful country. The opportunities are available to
you. You just need the courage and commitment to take
them.
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Worried you don't have enough money?
Worried you are not smart enough?
Contrary to popular belief, you do not have
to be smart to go to college or have thousands of dollars
saved. The government gives grants to the mentally
disabled to attend. The government provides grants and
child care to single parents or families below the poverty line.
If the mentally disabled can attend and succeed in college with
below average intelligence, why do so many with average
intelligence think they are not smart enough? In my experience
the only two differences between high school and college are
time and freedom. In high school you have nine months to
learn what you learn in 13-weeks in college. It's not any
harder. You just need to focus on what you are doing,
budget your time accordingly and pay attention.
As for freedom, in college you choose your major and you can
drink coffee and often eat in class. In high school I was
expelled from AP English my senior year three weeks before
graduation, (I was a bit of a rebel) for eating lifesavers,
drinking coffee during the seven-forty am class and
wearing mini skirts. The reason? This was not
appropriate behavior for a future college student!
According to my 63 year old English teacher in 1984, college
students do not bring refreshments to class and certainly do not
wear mini skirts or sweats to class. I enjoyed proving her
wrong by wearing a mini skirt to class nearly every day and
always having a hot cup of coffee on my desk through tests and
lectures my entire college career.
What is holding you back from changing your life?
You need to make up your mind and go and then
stick with it until you finish, even if it takes 20 years.
You've made it through twelve years of education. Why are
you afraid of just four more? In college you'll discover
passion and be exposed to ideas you never dreamed existed.
It's not like high school. You learn what you want and
focus on what you need. What is stopping you? To
start you only need to enroll in one class.
In Practice:
My Story
Speaking to
college freshmen and high school students about the power of
education is one of my favorite activities. After each
speech, I'm amazed at the number of students that approach me to
thank me. My own story seems to inspire many who were unable to
achieve the traditional 4 year, 18-22 plan.
The above plan
is exactly how me and millions of others have gotten our
degrees. Personally, I spent 6 years in the community college
going to night school to get the transfer degrees and 5 years at
the University completing the bachelors. Throughout this period
I endured homelessness, four assaults, two serious car
accidents, (one that ended my modeling career three weeks after
I'd signed with a top level agency), three life-threatening
hospitalizations and several other major obstacles.
Despite the set backs I kept going forward, working full-time
through it all. At one point I was working four jobs and going
to school full-time. During this period I lost fifty pounds
I didn't have to lose, passed out in a grocery store during a
job interview, (no, they didn't hire me:) and ended up in the
hospital. Four jobs and full-time school? No, I would not
recommend this!
Making the
Time
Time was always
an issue. I did my homework from 4 AM to 7:30 AM each day,
worked from 8AM to 5PM and went to school from 5:30PM to 9:30PM. It took 11-years, but I
completed my studies with only $1600
in student loans, no government grants or financial assistance
from my parents. By working my way through, I gained ten years of
sales, management and marketing experience
through my employers. I chose my employer, The Washington Post
my last six years of college
specifically because of its tuition reimbursement program and my
ability to practice advertising and marketing in a nurturing
corporate environment. By the time I graduated, my
experience was equal in desirability, income and prestige to
my peers who managed the entire process in 4-5 years on their
father’s dime.
For me the
college experience practical but not fun. As I learned, I
dovetailed the lessons
from class directly to my job. These lessons resulted in national awards
for advertising, promotions and industry recognition. My
first six years of college, I never made more than $13,500 gross
working fulltime. During my sixth year, I joined The Post.
From their $7,500 tuition and 5 years of salary investment in me,
they realized an additional $1.5 Million in revenue. That's a
769% ROI on their investment in me over five years!
Within one year of graduation after moving to Los Angeles, I
made the top 10% income bracket in the United States.
The Power of
Belief
Not getting a degree never entered my mind and this is one
key differences I see between myself and many my age who are
afraid of college or continue to make excuses why they cannot
go. Not going was never an option for me. Even
though my parents didn't have a college fund for me and my
sister, from age five I
knew I was going to college. I knew I would graduate.
My friends growing up were much smarter than me academically.
I gained focus by surrounding myself with their intelligence and
inspiration. Several have become doctors and lawyers.
All of my childhood friends have graduated from college. Most of
my adult friends have also graduated. Many like me took
8-12 years to do it.
I didn't know it would take as long as it did. Then again, I
didn't think it would take me six years to Couples Company off
the ground either! The point is, the time doesn't matter.
The accomplishment and its rewards are as sweet in four years as
in eleven. Far sweeter is knowing you've done it in spite of the
odds and tribulations. Would I do it again? Without a
doubt. Preferably with less drama, decidedly with more fun and
definitely in less time. But I would do it. With my nature
I'd have to.
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Think You're Too Old? Think Again!
One more story
of success, just in case you think you’re too old, here’s some
hope. A woman I know began her freshman at a community college
at age 49 in 1985. She sat two rows ahead of me in
Algebra.
In 1963, she was
the first person in her family to ever graduate from high
school. She married at 19, had her first daughter at 20 and
second at 22. In 1992 she graduated, Cum Laude with a bachelor
of science in Finance and Business Administration. She is the
first person in her family to ever achieve a four-year degree,
and she did so a year ahead of her youngest daughter and three
ahead of her oldest.
That woman is my
mother.
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