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We developed this gift as the
result of two events.
Event
One:
For my twenty-fifth birthday, my mother gave me my
most cherished gift. She spent hours compiling a photo
album for me beginning with the day I was born through my
twenty-fifth birthday. Included are pictures of the day
I came home from the hospital, my first day of kindergarten,
my grinning freckled silver lined brace-face, even the crooked
bangs from my mother's 2nd grade attempt to save money on the
barber! I did not realize how lucky I am to have this
until I realized most of my friends and nearly every man I've
dated over the last eleven years doesn't have such a
collection. Most people I know, including my parents
have a handful of pictures from their childhood and nothing
more.
Long-distance Love? Solution...
The second event happened last year. For
anyone out there who has started a company, temporary poverty
is a way of life. It seems as an entrepreneur you are
either flush or eating Top Ramen and canned spinach.
Last year my boyfriend and I had been together just five
months when his birthday came up. He sent me and my
sister on a ten day vacation to die for for my birthday
while he attended to his businesses. Even at the height
of sales career I couldn't have done that! For his
birthday, I couldn't afford to buy him anything and was
extremely embarrassed. I had to get creative. At the
time we both lived two hours from each other. I was in
Los Angeles and he lived in San Diego. Long distance
relationships are hard. He did call several times a week
and we'd speak for an hour or two; but not having him down the
street or close by leaves a woman feeling lonely. And
I'm the kind that craves the contact more than once a week.
Six weeks before his birthday I
started a diary for him. Not one that I would write in
for myself, but one where I spoke to him. In this diary
I told him when I was thinking of him, about him and how I
missed him. I regaled him with the silly day-to-day and
occasionally I slipped in a sexy story or a graphic
description of what I wished I was doing to or with him at
that time! I wrapped the book in the same bag he'd given
me my Valentine's Day gift in, (I'm a classic sentimental
pack-rat!) and I included a dried rose from the first
bouquet he sent me as the bow. The tag on the gift was
the receipt from the first movie we saw together. (Don't say
it...I make my sister sick too!)
Writing the diary to him helped
me significantly with loneliness I was feeling through our
physical separation. The act of writing gave
me the satisfaction of daily contact and support.
Moreover I created a gift for him that on our thirtieth or
fiftieth anniversary we can look back on and remember what we
were feeling when we first began to date. I gave him a
piece of myself, something he can turn to also when he misses
me. That in itself is priceless.
How to Do
This
Now combine the two: writing and a photo album.
See where I'm going?
As a parent you have multitudes
of life experiences your children have yet to encounter.
What if you could go back in time to age sixteen or twenty-one
and advise yourself? What if you could take your
experiences and life lessons and provide your younger self
with the wisdom you now have?
Now consider a legacy,
something your children can add to for their own children in
years to come. This gift, which I call "The Life
Manual," is just that. You won't be around
forever, but your wisdom can be. Technology allows us to
publish, through simple programs like MS Word, books complete
with pictures and text easily. The sample of my book for
my little sister is created entirely in MS Word.
To create a "Life Manual"
legacy, collect pictures for your children and then look at
the major life situations. What do you know now that
would have made your life easier at your child's age?
What simple situations do you know they'll encounter, (i.e.:
dealing with escrow, understand debt, fixing a clogged toilet,
etc..). How can you be there for them with advice and
comfort now and in the years after your death?
You may not be there, but your
words, wisdom and thoughts can be. Granted, this is not
a quick fix gift. It is one you'll add to for years to
come. This is why you'll want to keep it in a 3-ring binder.
What you are creating is a "Life Manual" of memories,
solutions and advice for your children and their children, and
their children's children. You safeguarding your
families heritage and you're passing on the wisdom and
memories from generation to generation.
For my own children (yet to be
born) my Life Manual includes my father's family tree
which traces my family back to 1675 in the United States when
they arrived here and prior to that England. Our
original family name is Haart. My mother's family tree
originates in Germany and Poland. Her family's name is
Bohrenski and arrived in the United States in 1857. I've
included my great-grandma Bohr's secret recipe for chocolate
cake and copies of my father's paintings, which are hanging in
businesses and galleries. From my sister I included the
poem she wrote to me when I was sixteen and a copy of the song
"Wind Beneath My Wings" that she bought to tell me how much
she loves and admires me. Most of the advice
follows the same as the book I'm creating for my Little
Sister, though that for my own children is much more
personalized.
This is a gift that is never
finished, but think of the impact it can have on your
children, especially if your child is between 16 and 24, (when
he/she knows everything). Most children in this age
group are proving themselves and they won't ask for help
directly. Your Life Manual can be there for them to turn
to and receive your guidance even when their pride won't allow
them to pick up the phone. With its pictures of their
childhood, it can also be a source of comfort during those
times of fear, loneliness and indecision we all face from time
to time. Personalize your life manual with the
scriptures you turn to for inspiration, quotes from those you
admire and antidotes that make you laugh. Include the
hard lessons you've learned and what you wish you'd done to
avoid them. As your children grow, they can begin adding
their own pages to the Life Manual and pass on a copy to their
own children when they mature. A Life Manual is a legacy
of your family, historical, inspirational and practical, a
gift that will keep on giving even after you're gone.
Need some
ideas for your Life Manual?
These are the chapter topics I'm using for the book
I'm creating for my Little Sister.
See how I put together the chapter for her on Dating. Use
these or add others of your own! There is no right way
or wrong way to create a Life Manual. The only rule is that it
comes from the heart! |
