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Dear SMACD:
You should definitely visit your neighbor
in person as a first effort.
Reporting it would only create animosity. But don't think
of it as a
confrontation, think of it as a friendly visit to ask for a
favor. This
will start things out on a positive tone.
Next, remember the Clarity Factor Focal Points: FOCUS,
MAGNIFY, PENETRATE and LISTEN. Focus your message by simply
thinking through what you want to say and what kind of
response you want. I think with this type of situation a
short version of your thought process might go something
like this: TOP
Forming Your Strategy,
Counsel Yourself:
"If I get angry and say something antagonistic, that
might do more harm than good, but if I can make them
understand how the noise disrupts our household, and create
a friendly relationship, maybe they'll make an effort to
keep it down."
Now add some specifics to that. What are
worst times of day? What does the noise do that's
disruptive -- drown out the TV? Make your children cry?
Your dog bark? Wake your baby? The bottom line is get very
clear in your own mind about what you want to say -- that's
FOCUS. TOP
The next Focal Point is to MAGNIFY THE LISTENER'S ATTENTION,
in other words remove any distractions and be sure he or she
is focused on you. In this case, I don't believe that will
be a problem, but I would still preface what I had to say
with a phrase like:
The Approach:
"Do you have just a few minutes? It's really important that
we talk."
At that point you'll have two things: a
clear message in your mind (FOCUS) and the listener's full
attention (MAGNIFICATION). Next you have to use that
wonderful opportunity to penetrate you listener's personal
barriers --the unconscious filters people use to reshape what you say
into what they think you said. How do you do that? With
clear, concise language. I think an abbreviated version of
your initial message might go something like the following
(keep in mind that since I don't know the details of your
situation, I'm going to make up some facts, simply as
examples): TOP
The Script:
"Hi. Do you have just a few minutes? I'm from downstairs
and it's really important that we talk. First, I hope you'll
understand that I'm here as a friend, not to cause
problems. But, in fact, I do have a problem. For some
reason, at certain times of the day we get very loud
thumping and banging coming from overhead. I do understand
that some of that is simply because we live close together
in an apartment complex, but around 9:00 every night it
actually wakes up my daughter, and my dog gets crazy, too.
Getting her back to sleep and getting things calmed down is
major effort.
Like I said, I know some noise is the nature of the beast,
but I wonder if we could work together on maybe keeping it
down during some periods? Especially in the evenings? I'd
be forever grateful, honestly."
Having said this, you will have been very
clear and positive. It would be difficult for the listener
to distort what you've said into something
negative or threatening. You will have managed to FOCUS,
MAGNIFY and PENETRATE. Now comes the final Focal Point --
LISTENING WITH CLARITY. And that means dropping your own
personal barriers so you don't misconstrue their feelings.
Instead, empathize, put yourself in their shoes and then
begin to look for common ground.
TOP
All communication situations are different, of course, but
this is one
example of how a few simple rules applied to a common
problem can change a negative confrontation into a clear and
friendly exchange of ideas.
About the Author:
Ray DiZazzo is a communications consultant
and author from Southern California.
The Clarity Factor is
DiZazzo’s sixth book. His clients have included Acura
Motors, GTE, J.D. Power and Associates, ITT and other major
companies. |
