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he loves me but won't commit? |
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Guest
Relationship Expert, Dr.
Tina B Tessina answers this month's Relationship Q&A
Is He
Commitment Phobic... or is it
me? |
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Dear Dr. Tina:
"I have been with my boyfriend for a
little over 3 years. I have recently brought up the
topic of marriage. A few months ago he told me that I
complete his life and that he can't imagine his life
without me, but then he says he not ready for the
marriage "commitment".
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"If
he doesn't know if he wants to get married than he
doesn't "love" me as much as he says he does?"
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PRINT |
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He says that it has nothing to do with me. He
also says that he knows that I would make a wonderful wife and
mother. Unfortunately, I take it so personal and become so
depressed. He does NOT understand why I am so harsh on myself. I
feel like if he doesn't know if he wants to get married than he
doesn't "love" me as much as he says he does? We basically never
argue and we are the best of friends. I couldn't ask for a
better boyfriend. Why is he so scared and why does he say he
can't imagine my life without me, but will not propose marriage.
I'm not saying that I want to get married at the moment, but a
promise of marriage would be nice. Can you please help me out?
I'm so depressed. I don't understand?? He said that he would go
to counseling with me. Help me please. What should I do? Should
I drop the subject and keep dating him or what????"
Sarah (F) 25
Los Angeles, CA US
Together 3 years
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Dear Sarah:
You may not realize it, but you're sending mixed messages about
whether you really want to be married or not. You're blaming
yourself for his lack of commitment, and you seem to be fighting
with yourself about whether you want the commitment or the
relationship. I suggest you take him up on his offer to go for
counseling, and even get some counseling on your own.
Consider the picture you're presenting to him. Why would he
want to marry you when you're depressed and upset? Get yourself
together, and figure out what you want. Do you want marriage
Whether it's with him or without him? Are you willing to
be with him even if you're not married? Pouting, being
emotionally upset, and making demands are not mature and
effective ways to build a working partnership.
Tina Tessina, PhD
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