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This Question is Answered by
Laura Dawn Lewis
Hello
Miss Ivan:
Let's
take a look at what you've got going for you first. Of all the
religions in the world, Islam and Christianity are as close to
each other as religions can get. Both recognize and revere
Jesus Christ, the Virgin Mary and the Apostles as prophets.
Both hold the Ten Commandments in high esteem and as God's law.
Both are monolithic, and espouse servitude to God and the
tolerance and charity toward all fellow men. Both place
forgiveness and acceptance as reverence and demonstration of
faith. In these key areas, your faiths are compatible. True,
both faiths have groups that twist their meanings to their own
purposes, but in the core values, the faiths are identical.
This is a good thing.
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Where
you are going to run into problems is the execution of your
faiths and in this area your fiancé has a valid concern.
As you say you cannot change your faith. The same is true
for him. Christianity isn't disposable to those whom both
practice and adhere to the faith, the same as Islam isn't
disposable to you or to other Muslims whom are devote.
When I
say execution, what I mean is the manner by which you both
follow your faiths: customs, traditions, holidays (or lack there
of), time and method of prayer and the rules set forth by each
faith that determine how you each behave and go about your
business day to day. Here are a few examples.
key issues in Christianity, Islam
that may break your inter-faith relationship.
When we speak about faith, we speak about the key values, principles and morals each of us develops in childhood that sustain us through life. Through this prism, we see our world. These values define who you are at the core, beneath the veneer of politically correct behavior and social conditioning. Understanding these differences before committing will create a stronger relationship if you and your partner discuss the differences ahead of time and agree on how to deal with them.
Who's right who's wrong isn't the issue; that's not the objective of this article. The objective is simple to point out the difference and provide a place to start broaching these differences before I Do, rather than allowing them to destroy your relationship later on. If you're going into a interfaith relationship, you need to know the values, issues and differences that define each faith and where these come from. The more devote each person is, the more likely these
fundamental differences will tear you apart.
Photographs & Music:
This may or may not be an issue for you as Islam has as many
different factions as Christianity, but in some portions of
Islam it is forbidden to have photographs of people on the
walls, listen to music or participate in many of the rituals
customary in Christianity. Christians surround themselves
with photos of loved ones and music plays a significant part of
worship. Christians also celebrate birthdays and the
drinking of wine and alcohol is central to some of our
traditions and ceremonies, (though some factions of Christianity
like the Methodists do not use or promote alcohol).
Conversion to another faith:
As a
Christian, if he were to convert to Islam or any non-Christian faith, it is an action akin
to a mortal sin. By doing so he denies Christ is the Messiah,
(the cornerstone of his faith). In Christianity, once exposed to
Christ and the choice is made to turn your back on Him,
Christians believe they are no longer admitted to heaven and
denied ever-lasting life in God's kingdom. Basically it means a Christian can no
longer spend eternity with God. There are only two sins in Christianity that cannot be forgiven: suicide and rejecting Christ. Depending on which portion of
the Christian faith he is, this can mean he is sentenced to
eternal damnation in hell or relegated to a different area of
heaven. Either way, for a devote Christian, eternity is high
price to pay for earthly pleasure. Just like Islam, a devote
Christian believes his reward comes after he leaves this earth.
His time here is a test of his worthiness and willingness to
place God above all others and his purpose as a Christian is to
serve God first.
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Another
issue you will run into is
his duty to share his faith.
It is
the duty of every Christian to share their faith and spread the
words of Jesus Christ to non-believers because we believe the only way to heaven is through Jesus Christ; again exceptions do
occur in certain segments of Christianity like Quakers in this
instance, but in general extolling the faith is part of his duty
as Christian whether through scripture, thought or deed. This doesn't mean he goes about it like the Evangelical Christian Zionists, which are often referred to as "Bible Thumpers" preaching and quoting the bible while supporting, funding and promoting actions it forbids overseas. Hypocrisy is the one trait which angers God beyond all others and unfortunately this approach to spreading His words has caused more damage than good, which being in the Middle East you've witnessed first hand. True Christians share their faith by example and
draw people by what they do rather than what they say.
Likewise, asking him not to raise
the children Christian or to raise them under two faiths is the
same as asking him to forsake his faith. He cannot do this and
continue to be a devote Christian. Again, this damns him to an eternity in hell.
I'm not
as familiar with Islam, but I have studied the Qur'ân. From what
I understand the penalties according to your faith should you
convert or augment it, are similar those of Christianity.
What you need to ask yourself is whether it is more important to
you to serve God according to your faith or to get married.
If it
is to serve God as your faith has taught you, marriage doesn't
seem to be in your best interest given this situation. One
of you will have to compromise your core values and in the end,
this usually breeds resentment.
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Can an Inter-faith Marriage Work?
Interfaith marriages can work, but rarely when both people are
devote as you've stated you and he are. Marriages between
faiths work when one or both persons are pseudo religious,
meaning he or she states they may be Christian, Muslim,
Jewish, Mormon or any other faith but doesn't practice it.
A pseudo religious person may go to church or temple and
occasionally pray, celebrate the holidays or follow some of the
traditions, but these people don't live their faith.
Sometimes, especially with teens and young adults, much anger
can be directed at their faith because the media tends to report
the bad examples and abuses. More commonly, a person experiences
the faith being abused and used toward evil ends. Christianity,
Islam and Judaism all have current examples of people using
these faiths as cover and conviction for evil. Seeing this
and understanding it leaves many disillusioned and at times the
disillusioned will seek a different faith to escape the abuse of
their own or empathize with another faith believing it more just
and pristine. People in disillusionment are not
pseudo-religious. They are usually quite devote and just
need time to work through the anger. In time they realize
it is not the faith that is the problem but the fact that humans
administer it and humans aren't perfect, nor do they always have
the best interests of their fellow man in mind. A
disillusioned person will reclaim their faith, much stronger the
second time around due to two occurrences: children or personal
challenge. It is amazing how important faith can become when
children enter the picture or when a person faces a major
crisis.
In the instance where
one person is pseudo religious and the other is devote, the
pseudo religious person always converts to the religious
spouse's faith. After consulting with several people in the
clergy for all three faiths, none of our sources are aware of an
inter-faith relationship involving two devote persons of
differing faiths that has been successful.
It requires a compromise of faith and values. For devoted
followers of any faith, devotion to God comes before all else.
The sacrificing of the faith is too much of a burden for those
whom are devote to live with.
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Understanding this, ask yourself if it would be fair to either
of you to ask the other to abandon a principle part of what
makes each of you who you are? If you love each other,
your answer has to be no.
One statement you
made, "I'll do anything" concerns me.
Be very careful about changing who you are to please a potential
husband and likewise asking him to change for you. In the
end it never works out and you'll become bitter and resentful
toward each other.
What is important is that you stay true to yourself and true to
the core values and beliefs that make you who you are. No
man is worth the price of abandoning these, no matter how much
you love him. Likewise for him, no woman is worth abandoning his
relationship with God nor would it be right for him to ask you
to forsake your own relationship with God.
One
final comment on some of your fears.
I
understand you're worried that at twenty-three you will never
have a chance to marry again. I also understand that in Pakistan
women marry young and at twenty three you're probably feeling
quite old. If you'll permit me to get personal, I remember
feeling the same way when I became engaged at your age.
Fortunately I broke that off when I realized he and I were
morally incompatible. In our case it wasn't religion but our
ideas of what parents should be. It took two years before I
started dating again and it seemed like I'd never meet the right
man. Then, still single, I turned thirty.
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Believe
me, I know the fear of never meeting a husband. I was a basket
case (American slang for going crazy with worry and anxiety) by age thirty-three.
Finally I turned my marital
status issues over to God. I decided I was tired of trying and
I'd just let him show me what to do. If it is his will I marry,
he'd make it happen. If not, he had another purpose for me and
I just needed to wait to find out what it was. Six months later
I met my future husband. The lesson? I tried writing the script
for my life and it turns out God had a better one. When I
stopped fighting His will, He came through.
The
truth is, 90% of all people get married at one point in their
lives. Your chances are very good that if this relationship
doesn't work out, God will provide you with a life mate later
on. He has plans for you. All you need to do is ask,
listen and follow
His guidance and your faith. He will show you the way.
Good
luck!
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