He is not interested in having sex with women. He wants the same relationship he had with his mother: enjoying the benefits of being taken care of by a woman, while giving nothing in return. He appears to be a Mama’s boy who never grew up and a bi-sexual who is more interested in men than women. Here are some possible clues.

1. You behave like a very giving "Mommy"
and he behaves like a very self-absorbed boy.

1. You are affectionate towards him, yet he avoids initiating sex with you.

2. You take care of him but he doesn’t take care of you.

3. You let him live at your place and he never offers to help with the rent.

4. You behave as a friend and he responds at best like a room mate or disinterested companion.

5. You appear unconditionally loving and he never acts appreciative or loving in return. TOP

2. You appear to be the maid
and he may prefer men.

1. He never shares the "sweeter things in life" with you. My guess is that he shares them with others. You mentioned he leaves a couple of days each week. My sense is that your probably just the "maid" and when he wants the "sweeter thins in life" he takes off looking for interesting men.

2. Notice that he likes to "lay on his back" and be pleasured sexually. There is nothing special about this except that it seems to be his favorite sexual pastime. He likes being passive with someone else (usually a man) doing the initiating. Let’s notice where else he avoids initiating. TOP

3. He never initiates any affection
or growth in the relationship.

1. He never initiates romance:

2. No special trips, flowers, jewelry, restaurants, or sexual favors.

3. Only camping, inexpensive second-hand gifts and no offer to pay for anything.

4. You’re just a handy companion whom he does not value much. He doesn’t think of you in terms of sex, caring or friendship.

This pattern appears pervasive, as he never initiates making future plans, deepening the relationship or even suggesting a special vacation together. He never initiates romance or sex with you or anyone else. I say anyone else, because if he’s going out on you, you can be sure he is not initiating sex, but is open to someone else’s moves. This is the "queen" in homosexual circles. Queens never need to initiate (or help out). They just have to show-up and play their part.

This man never loved you and was never your friend. When you asked to have your own needs met, he just moved on as if you were an easily replaced commodity. Possibly he knew you were beginning to see through his weak answers, or he was afraid you’d discover the secret life he led when away from you. TOP

It would be easy to conclude that you were unfairly treated by a self-absorbed, ungrateful and passive man. But that would be missing the point. The real point is that you stayed. You accepted a man who never loved, cared or befriended you. You accepted a one-way relationship without question for a long time without requiring your needs to be met or ending the relationship yourself.

I hope that you will own your part in this loss and take steps to guarantee this will never happen to you again. If you learn to set limits, say "no" comfortably, feel entitled to talk openly about your feelings and needs, and learn to leave if the other person fails to respond positively most of the time - your life will change.

I would suggest you find a good therapist. Ask for help in becoming the center of your own life while developing an emotional strength around getting your own needs met in a relationship. If you do this before you get involved with another man, you’ll start getting the attention of men who can be as loving and caring as yourself. That is certainly my wish for you.

Andy Whaling, MFT

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PS: Many men who are interested in men more than women want a pretend girlfriend as a cover. Did he ever introduce you to friends or business associates, yet keep you away from deeper social involvement? Or if you did appear together in social situations, was he more affectionate when you were with others than when you were alone? If so, he was using you to "prove" his interest in women so no one might discover he was really more interested in men. TOP

PSS: Unless you saw his portfolio, bank account or proof of owned assets, you can’t be sure he’s as rich as he seems. He may be wealthy, but many men borrow, lease or pretend to have more than they really do. And yes, some rich men really are incredibly cheap, acting as if they are the son who is naturally the center of your life and you are the ever-giving mommy who asks nothing in return. You’re a generous woman, you deserve an appreciate man who will make you very special.