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The freedom to explore
ourselves, our sexuality and our ambitions, this is what our
twenties are all about. So when do we become adults?
It’s at that moment when
you realize that should your parents catch you in an act of
intimacy, you’d laugh. But should your date’s fifteen-year-old
son walk in on you, you’d die. Adulthood is when you are more
afraid of your kids catching you engaged in carnal knowledge,
than you ever could have been had your parents. I just entered
adulthood, and it feels like, well, a four letter word.
TOP
Since January, my boyfriend
and I have been unable to participate in my favorite part of a
romantic relationship. Time, cycles and privacy had prevented
consummation and then for Lent, he chose to give up something of
value. Sex, all forms: kissing, hugging, fellatio, and petting.
Did I die and go to hell? Of course, I was not consulted on
this issue; I discovered it the hard way. In fact, I didn’t
know Protestants observed Lent. Isn’t that a Catholic thing?
Turns out we do, at least the conservative factions. I guess I
missed that detail during confirmation class.
Hurray, April 7th
and Easter arrives! No more Lent. Chocolate bunnies and jelly
bellies were not the treats I wanted. Rather, a basket full of
condoms and a weekend to use them were on my wish list. The
following Saturday, my wish came true…one hundred and ten days.
I couldn’t wait. TOP
Turns out, neither could he. Turns out we should have.
Currently, I don’t have
children, but I’ve dated men with children. This is always
difficult because I do enjoy the freedoms afforded non-parents
and dating parents can be frustrating. Sometimes I forget to
act parental, marshal my tongue and restrain my sexuality. This
is easier with a five year old. Fifteen year olds tend to pick
up on innuendo and body language more readily. And they look for
it.
But 110 days of no sexual
intimacy and two bottles of wine, instructions to the boy to
stay in his room for the rest of the night and you can guess
what happened.
One, we should have never
expected his son to stay put. Two, we should not have been
fooling around in the living room with his son in his bedroom,
(the logic here was that if we were in the bedroom, his son
would know what we were doing). Three, we figured if he came
out, we’d hear him.
TOP
When I left that evening, I
figured we were home free. Wrong.
His son came out to get a
glass of water and looked around the corner. Neither of us
realized this. I have no idea what he saw. We were dressed and
we did not go all the way that evening, just most of it. From
what I understand, what he saw shattered his idealistic and
chaste impression of his father and has now brought into
questions all of the teachings of righteousness his father has
imparted. Suddenly, I feel like the Eve, giving Adam the apple
of temptation and shattering all remnants of innocence as I
strip-mined the Garden of Eden.
As a father, he’s both
loving and strict and follows stringent Christian codes of
conduct. His son has been raised to adhere to the basic
teachings of our joint faith. Sex before marriage for him is a
major no-no. Personally, I don't buy into this. When this idea
was passed the average age for marriage was sixteen and life
expectancy was forty-two. I think it's ridiculous, hypocritical
and unrealistic, especially given his father's past. I do agree
a person should be eighteen before engaging in copulation
though. TOP
This is his son though and
I must respect his wishes. Together we have always been careful about not
showing any type of sexuality around his son; even kissing on
the lips good-bye is taboo. For the past two years, if we were
ever amorous in his home, his son was at friend’s home or
relative’s that night. The one time we get careless, we get
caught!
Yes, we made some bad
judgment calls. Now we need damage control. His son is a bit
traumatized and Dad is doing guilt. Father and son are quite
close and have been speaking about the episode; his son is very
upset because he knows he was conceived out of wedlock and it
was that conception that forced the ill-fated marriage. To him,
his father looks like a hypocrite, saying one thing and doing
another.
I on the other hand, am
extremely embarrassed and don’t know how to deal with the
situation. Do I say something? Should I just keep quiet? We
both agree that children should never know about their parent’s
sex life. Now what do we do when that child has accidentally
seen it? TOP
Sincerely,
Caught in the Act,
Female (35) Los Angeles
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