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My husband has never really had any sexual attraction for me
throughout our relationship (he didn't even KISS me until our
wedding night) and on top of that now takes several medications
that considerably lower his libido. I have been content with the
relationship up until a couple of months ago when I met a young
man at work who I took an immediate liking to (the hormones came
into play on this one). Most of my years of working I have been
in a mostly female work environment and have never given a
second thought to another man. But as soon as this person was
introduced to me and he smiled and shook my hand, my hormones
took a turn for the unexpected.
At first, I really didn't give it much thought. I thought he was
attractive and very nice and that maybe he was attracted to me
by the way he would choose to talk with me on breaks, or make it
a point to talk with me on other occasions and the way he would
always make a point of giving a big smile and saying hello
whenever he passed me - these were small things granted, but
done in such a way that it was sort of flirtatious. Now I
haven't had much experience with the dating game or
relationships, but you know it just struck me as being very sexy
and intriguing in an innocent sort of way. The more I talked
with him and saw him; the more and more flirtatious I got with
him too. And before I knew it my hormones were raging!! Another
twist on this whole situation is that although I think of myself
as an attractive woman, I didn't think he could even be
attracted to me since I'm 20 years older!! (Although people are
surprised when I tell them my age and most think I look 10 and
sometimes 15 years younger). He's 23, so I'm sure he can tell
that I'm older, just not HOW MUCH older! So, now my womanly side
of me is thinking about this guy constantly. I'm online looking
up websites on relationships, men, flirting, you name it and
I've looked for it.
Finally it came to a head for me...I was making myself look very
feminine and dressing a little more provocative, I was doing all
the flirting and attracting body language that I could without
being blatantly forward at the workplace, I went out of my way
to see him, and it was all I could do to keep him from my mind.
And we know the kind of thoughts that can happen when you let
your mind go! During this time he (or so it seemed) seemed to
cool down some; either that or I was so heated up that it seemed
like he did, although he still seemed comfortable around me. I
was really surprised at what I did next - I asked him for his
email address, which he gave me quite freely, and then about a
week after that asked him if he wanted to have lunch together
(we work at an evening job together so lunch would be outside of
work). I'm definitely not someone who puts herself out on a limb
like that, but there it was and I couldn't stop myself. I figure
if these thoughts were going to go continually go through my
mind that I might as well see how they would play out in reality
– my thought being you only live once and I’m too old to be
playing the shy young thing. I also ""knew"" that if anyone was
going to make the first move that it would probably have to be
me since he knew that I was married. During this entire time I'm
not thinking about my husband and what effect this could have on
him either. I'm just feeling more feminine and sensual than I
have ever felt in my life!! A couple of days later, he emailed
me back saying he didn't feel comfortable meeting me outside of
work.
But not to feel like I couldn't still talk with him at work. I
didn’t take this hard, I appreciated his honesty and told him so
and that I understood and everything was ""cool"". Since then
though (I'm sure you've already probably guessed) he does seem a
little more uncomfortable around me - he is a very confident
male so we still talk and he is still very nice to me, but the
flirting has cooled down and I have tried to make sure I don't
make him feel uncomfortable by flirting too much with him
either. The problem is that I still can't get him out of my mind
and he did tell me that the main reason he didn't feel
comfortable having lunch was because he had had a bad experience
with another coworker.... it wasn't even the married thing that
was the main reason! (Or at least that's what he said) I’m DYING
to let him know about the marriage (or lack thereof) I have with
my husband, only so that he’ll know that it’s OK to want to be
around me. I think he is still attracted and would go out with
me if these things were brought out, but I don’t want to tell
him this if it isn’t the right time and scare him off either.
And although it’s a little uncomfortable for me now at work
because I don’t know what he’s thinking, and don’t want to push
anything, I would STILL like to have a relationship with him
because I feel so good when I'm around him, so feminine and
sensual, which, although I have tried to have that with my
husband it has never worked.
The problem is that those things that made me feel good around
him - the flirting and such - have all but stopped. I know I
could get all kinds of advice about my marriage, but I'm not
sure where that is heading at this point.
What I really want is to know the best way to
go about getting back to the stage where I and my coworker are
flirting and enjoying each other's company (if there is such a
way to do that). I need advice on how to make him more
comfortable around me and that I'm still a ""safe"" person to
flirt with and have fun with even though I've asked him to lunch
- I mean it was only lunch and it didn't even happen! And
eventually I'd like to know how to get to the point where I
eventually and completely drive him crazy, so that he can't stop
thinking about me and would have a relationship with me coworker
or not. Another shocker to me is that a good portion of me
really does want to just have a sexual relationship with him,
but I've never let on to that and I'm not sure he would be open
to that (it's just a feeling-could I be wrong?). And that opens
up another question...since I think I would be ok with simply a
sexual relationship with this person, is there a way to let him
know that without completely scaring or turning him off? I don't
follow him around like a puppy, I don't act desperate around
him, I don't email him anymore or act like a lovesick individual
nor do I think I'd be that way at work if we did have a sexual
relationship (or any relationship for that matter). I'm a very
self-confidant woman, so to keep myself at bay at work wouldn't
be that difficult for me. I'm simply wanting to cultivate a
relationship with this man where ever it may lead because I like
these feelings I get around him and need the best advice I can
get considering all of the circumstances surrounding me. Please
no advice on the marriage – I’d have written one of the other
advice experts if I wanted that. NEXT
Samantha (F) 43
Raleigh, NC |
