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Continued... |
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Take the case of one of the most
romantic love stories of the Twentieth Century: the
abdication of the throne in the Twentieth Century by
the King of Great Britain to marry "the woman that I
love". All England was aghast when Edward did so in
1936, in order to marry a woman who didn’t meet the
technical qualifications to be the wife of the King of
England.
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The power
of love is much more than skin deep |
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Nonetheless, his devotion to a woman who
many considered to be clearly far beneath him in class,
wealth, and looks shocked many. What allowed this woman, who many
considered so inferior to the King, to command such devotion
from, and wield such influence over, him?
King Edward, who was movie star handsome,
somehow fell deeply in love with a woman who obviously had
something going for her other than the typical skin-deep
beauty and credentials of society so often sought after by
most men. What was it?
It was her personality, the way she chose to
conduct her behavior.
Wallis Simpson was a woman who exuded
confidence in herself, a woman who believed in her own
equality with any other woman in the world. And because she
believed in herself – in her own self-worth, the King believed
in her too!
What it Really Takes
In college I learned firsthand about the
illusion of so-called "good looks".
My roommate and I one day were at a friend’s
apartment visiting when several girls came by with whom we
were slightly familiar. We had seen them around before, but
never really felt any attraction towards either of them or
paid attention because they didn’t have that "first
impression" kind of good looks that leaves you longing for
more.
But as we got better acquainted that day and
talked with them, suddenly a transformation occurred right
before our eyes. Both girls suddenly got VERY GOOD LOOKING
right in front of us. I realized it was happening to me, but
the experience was confirmed as actual when my roommate
suddenly turned to me on the sly and said, "Tom, where in the
world have these two girls been hiding all this time?!!"
The answer, of course, is that they had always
been there, but it took this positive interaction for us to
finally see them as good looking. And the impression didn’t go
away as I developed a serious crush on one of the girls that
lasted the rest of that school year!
What was it they had, you might ask, that
caused this effect on us?
Several things, as I look back.
One, they didn’t act particularly like they
cared whether we were attracted to them or not.
And two, they were friendly and caring,
showing interest in us as persons, but exhibiting no
anxiousness to necessarily get involved with us.
That same year, I had a professor in college
who demonstrated a surreal-like ability to mesmerize his
students that I realized later came from exhibiting these same
kinds of qualities. He was one of my favorite professors of
all time, well beloved by all his students, and at one point
voted Professor of the Year.
Each time I came into his huge class, I
noticed the buzz of all the students visiting among themselves
before class. When the Professor first entered, the students
still continued visiting, as he never formally called the
class to order.
He just started talking. Quietly, but firmly
and unfazed by the buzz of all the chatter going on around
him, he persisted in making his presentation. And slowly, but
surely, the chatter died until you could have heard a pin
drop. The only sound was his interesting presentation.
Let me tell you that he would begin lecturing
in a low voice while the class was still talking, but over the
course of a few minutes he had every person in the room
(several hundred!) eating out of the palm of his hand!
What struck me about his style in after-years
is the fact that he never attempted to force the class to pay
attention. I have been in many classes where that has been
tried and failed, but he was a master at understanding the
psychology of letting the class come to him of their own
volition. It was all the more powerful because he did.
It is the same in winning someone’s heart, as
in winning their attention. Professor Pace had confidence in
himself (acquired through experience) so that he didn't have
to try to force things.
Lessons Learned About
What It Takes to Win
Someone’s Heart
What did these persons have in common, both
the girls that won our rapt admiration, as well as the
professor who won the hearts of his students?
Three things come to mind:
Character trumps looks and possessions every
time, and is more determined by the way
you think and act than the way you look. Not
that natural beauty isn’t important, but that through
character you become good looking to the one you want.
People say that "first impressions are
important", but I say, "Last impressions are more important".
And last impressions always are made by the way you behave.
Don’t give up just because things don’t seem to be going your
way at first.
Consistently do the right things and
ultimately you will have the world eating out of your hand!
They won’t remember why you initially didn’t seem good looking
or attractive to them in the beginning. They will only wonder
why they were so blind to begin with!
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She went on to say, "People,
even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived,
reclaimed and redeemed. Never throw out anybody. Remember: if
you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of
your arm. As you grow older you will discover that you have
two hands. One for helping yourself, the other for helping
others." |
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Summing Up
People, contrary to popular opinion, don’t
marry based on "first impressions". No, they marry based on
last – or, most recent – impressions! And that is
why it is so important to consistently trust in the way
that you act or behave to ultimately achieve your goals,
rather than upon your superficial looks or possessions.
Think about it, how many persons (including
yourself) have you ever known to be smitten like crazy by
someone one week, only for him or her to start having
completely second thoughts about things the next week? And the
change doesn’t result because the one they’re interested in
has suddenly lost their looks or money, but because character
flaws have suddenly become evident.
Have Confidence in Confidence Alone
Act right and think right, and everything will
come out right in the end. That is the true moral of the tale
of the Tortoise and the Hare. You don’t have to be flashy to
win the One You Want. You just have to choose your actions
wisely and interact appropriately. That’s where Love Tactics
comes in! When you know you’re making correct choices in the
way you behave, you feel a confidence that will see you
through.
You can win the One You Want! You have
nothing to fear but fear itself. As Julie Andrews, as Maria,
sings in The Sound of Music, "I have confidence in confidence
alone…I have confidence in me."
Realize the power of your actions and it will
be much easier for you to have confidence knowing these
things. |
