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So often in coaching couples about the sexual side of their
relationship, I hear one or both partners say, "The passion is gone.
We're just roommates. It's just not the same as it was. We hardly
ever make love anymore." How sad to have moved away from the
excitement that once was.
While it may be true that with the passing of time some couples
tend to tilt away from the consistency of effort that is required to
keep them on track, it doesn't have to be that way.
When you have experienced a pulling away; a slowdown in
affection, sex and all the other important things that seemed to
matter when you first met, it is often difficult to begin again.
The hardest part of coming out of a sexual slump is acknowledging
you are in one. You cannot solve a problem that you cannot admit you
have.
Someone has to make the first move. Perhaps you must give up
being "right" about the issue that has kept the love fire at a
simmer rather than a red hot flame. Go ahead. You be it.
When the energy you pour into your relationship has slowed to a
trickle, here are some things to consider for extraordinary sexual
sex-cess.
Put Passion Back in Fashion - Passion is not only about
sex. It's about having strong feelings about something. Ever hear of
a crime of passion? Passion means many things to many people. It may
be a burning desire to reconnect with your partner in conversation.
Demonstrate passion by passionately working together on your
relationship. It can blaze new trails.
Time Out - No Sex? Not much intimacy anymore? Been a long
time since you actually made love? Too long? Hummm! Know this is
true: "Relationship problems always show up in the bedroom." Many
couples avoid sex when marital issues surface because they feel
emotionally distant. Often couples who come to me for relationship
coaching in the sexual area discover that it's not about sex at all.
A lack of sex is nearly always a symptom of something that needs
fixing in the relationship. It's about fixing all the little nuances
that bring on the upsets in your relationship. It is difficult to be
turned on to make love when there are upsets with your partner you
have yet to address. Anger, resentment, disappointment, bitterness
and stress do not make good bed partners. Unless there is a medical
problem, when you fix these problems, usually the sex will take care
of itself.
Honk If You're Horney! - Let your partner know when you
are hungry for sex. Don't hint. Hints don't work. Be more assertive.
Take the lead. Ask. Plan a get-away. Get naked together and take
turns sponging off your partner in the shower. Hmmmmm. Wonder what
that could lead to?
Discover Your Partner's Hot Buttons - . . . and push them!
Where is that special place she loves to be kissed? What is that
special thing you do that turns him on? Write down what you really
like or something you would like to try on a piece of paper and
trade papers. Next time you're together, surprise your partner with
something from their list.
Go Back to School - Where did you learn about sex?
Education is a valuable asset. Perhaps some of you would be better
off discarding all you think you know about making love and starting
over. Attend sex seminars, read books and talk with a
sex coach. Learn all you can about pleasing your partner. Men,
are you paying attention?
Weed Your Garden - Cast off all complaints, sarcasm and
negative comments about your lover. No sniveling. If your partner is
not the greatest lover and you want "more and better," then be
his/her teacher. Only complaining about it will not change anything.
Continuing to speak about your lover's in a negative way only
continues what you say you don't want. Wise up. Be grateful for what
you have.
• • •
Who is your ideal sexual partner? Find out! Take a free
PhD-certified
Sexual Personality Test and get a 10-page Personalized Report.
• • •
Larry James has been a full-time professional
speaker, author and inspiring relationship and sex coach since 1987.
He is the President of Internet Relationship web site:
CelebrateIntimacy.com
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