HOW CAN I GET HIM
TO BE MORE ROMANTIC?

QUESTION

Dear Tina

Our relationship has gotten boring. We have the same routine. We do the same thing week after week and I don't know how to get the spontaneity back into it. We used to do crazy stuff together. Now it feels like we're married. There is no romance and he doesn't seem to think we need it anymore. I miss it. How can I get him to be more romantic?

Ginny,

Las Vegas, Nevada

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ANSWER

Dear Ginny:

The answer to your question is you're going to need to get involved in your relationship and gently lead him toward being the romantic you crave. The following are some suggestions.

1. Lead the way, don't just mope or complain.

2. Invite him out, don't tell him where you're going, and do something you used to do when you were dating.

3. If you feel like you and your boyfriend are in a rut -- This is where counting your blessings and sharing what you're grateful for can enhance the joy in your relationship.

4. If you're bored, you've been lazy -- get out there and do something together.

5. Try a walk without the iPod. You'll be amazed at what you can talk about.

6. Enjoy a special meal (at home or out, depending on budget).

7. Sit down and peruse your photo album together. This is a great rainy day weekend activity.

8. Give him a flower and a note to create pleasure and joy.

9. Clear the calendar and spend a day just enjoying each other -- including great sex. Have a date, like you used to.

The zing will come right back.

Pay attention to how you are dressing, how you look and what you're doing. Women don't understand how much guys like it when they have pretty underwear or are dressed up. He won't see your extra weight or your little wrinkles -- he'll just see that you dressed up -- for him. For that date night, dress as carefully as you did when you were really dating.

Once you've reminded him (and yourself) that you two can have a great time together, you can have a conversation about how much fun that was, and let's do it once a week. Tell him you'd like him to take a turn thinking of something you can do together for fun, but don't then dump the whole responsibility on him.

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