A Success Story: The Modern Day Stork
with Parenting Contributor Brenda Dalzell"Sisters through adoption and artificial insemination, yet sisters all the same"
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Recently my two younger sisters came down from Northern California to visit me. Since I don’t get the chance to see them often I thought it would be a great opportunity to get a portrait of us. So we decided that we should all wear red, (being the holidays), and drove down to the portrait studio.
The photographer was quite friendly and asked what was the occasion for the picture. “Sisters”, we said with giggles, and then we waited for the perplexing look that we always get when we tell strangers our relationship.
You see if you saw the three of us walking down the street, sisters would be the last guess you’d make. Yet if you took the time to get to know us the bond would be unmistakable.
For beginners, I was adopted at birth. Yet growing up my parents always told me how special I was, and that because they couldn’t have children I was chosen to be their daughter. Both my mom and dad were open to any questions that I had as I grew up and answered as much as they could about my birth mother. They even told me they would support me if I wanted to find her. To me however, I had a loving mom, dad, grandparents and family, and the adoption issue was never an issue, just a part of my own uniqueness. Yet our exceptional family doesn’t end there.
Enter my sister. By this time I was 12 years old and my dad had re-married. My step mom and dad wanted to have children, but since my dad is infertile it would take a miracle for my step mom to ever get pregnant. They talked about foster children, adoption, and probably every fertilization technique possible. My step mom was still in her thirties and wanted to have the experience of pregnancy and labor (bless her), so they decided on artificial insemination.
For those of you who are not familiar with this I’ll give you the basic idea. After all the initial check-ups and counseling my father and step mom went to a sperm bank and filled out a form describing what they were looking for in a male sperm donor. Seeing that my dad is a tall, Caucasian, redhead, they decided to get as close as possible to that description. Then they inserted the sperm from an anonymous donor (probably a starving medical student) into my step mom. Walla! Nine months later my sister Melissa was born. She has my dad’s coloring, while looking like her mom. She’s quite intelligent too!
Well if that’s not interesting enough they decided to have another baby. This time they decided to outdo themselves and adopt. This time the baby would come from halfway around the world. After lots of paperwork, money, and patience, my fat 6- month old sister arrived on a Korean Air jet from Seoul, South Korea. By this time I had been flying up periodically to see my dad, so my sister Melissa (who was three at the time) believed that sisters came from planes. Her version of the modern-day stork.
Now we’re basically all grown up. Sohee is fifteen, Melissa 17, and I’m 12 years older than Melissa, (you do the math). We look very different from each other and we all initially came from different ways and means, but we share the same unconditional love from our family and we all know that we were attained and conceived with a deep desire to be loved and nurtured.
Not to say that people never question our family. I’ve been asked if I want to find my “real” mother and father. To that I always say that the people who changed my dirty diapers, cared for me when I was sick, and financially supported me are my real mother and father. Anyone can make a baby, but it takes real love, devotion, sacrifice, and money to be a real mother and father. Other people wonder if my Korean born sister has problems with her identity. Of course she’s curious about her heritage and from time to time she’s had to deal with insensitive kids her age that used to make fun of her eyes because she looked different from her sisters. Yet the support and love from our family has shaped her into a talented and confident young woman.
Our family might not be conventional; we’re not blood related, we don’t look alike, and we were all conceived in different situations, but we love each other as sisters and our differences make our bond even stronger than the blood that runs through our veins.
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Brenda Dalzell started her career in childhood education during 1991. Her unique approach integrates film with acting to create unique tutoring programs for young children of the Montessori private schools. She also owns a company specializes in performing and orchestrating creative parties and movement (exercise) programs for young children throughout Southern California. Additionally Brenda is an English professor at South Baylo University and at California College of Management Sciences. Through her company and teaching engagements she instructs a diverse range of clients, ranging from young children and concert violinists to company CEOs.
