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The messy room with the un-made bed and the clothes strewn
about is clean and neat. The wet towels that were flung all
over the bathroom now hang dry and tidy. The telephone rings
less frequently and the computer is available more often.
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Trips to the grocery store are not the
same. The special food that the now absent college student
loved and expected to see in the pantry and in the
refrigerator are not put in the shopping cart. There is one
less lunch to prepare in the morning and a few less dishes to
wash at night.
Parents adjust when a child leaves home
for college but it is a bittersweet experience. Pride and
tears surface often; pride in a good kid who is off learning
to be independent and tears for the very same reason. It is a
stage that begins with loving the child, moves to launching
them and then ends up being a bit painful because of missing
them.
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For parents in this situation I promise
the tears subside. What does not subside, however, is the
parental tendency to worry. Do not listen to those who tell
you to leave your child alone so they can learn to be
independent. Stay connected, call at least weekly and be aware
that even if your son or daughter is in a reputable Catholic
university or college, they will require attention and
guidance from home. The act of leaving home does not
guarantee maturity.
The following words are from a young
woman, a college senior at the time they were written. They
are taken from an article she wrote for her local newspaper.
Binge drinking, late-night parties and less-than-admirable
stunts are not strangers to college campuses. When venturing
off to college, many women and men are not prepared for the
life challenges that are not listed in the endless brochures
and brag sheets about the college of choice.
When leaving for college, I was not the only one who was
hoping to gain the knowledge, strength and wisdom I needed to
be a whole woman. My parents were also looking forward to
witnessing this phenomenal transformation.
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Unfortunately, my first few years of college were
smothered with hardships and challenges that I am still
struggling to overcome today. I was one of those students who
thought I could handle the dark side of the uncertain world of
college. For two and a half years, I slipped...into a
whirlwind that clouded my good judgment.
With a broken heart my mother recalls when she tried to
convince the university to help her. These university
officials, who were made up of mothers, clergy, grandfathers
and educators refused to help my pleading parents. Instead
they hid behind the idea that I was an adult and would tell
them what was wrong when I was ready.
I was fortunate enough to transfer to a university that
encouraged individual excellence and outstanding scholarship.
The exciting four years of college have
the potential to shape students into motivated leaders, teach
men and women who they really are, and inspire them to make
this world a better place. But, when life’s roadblocks hinder
this growth, parents have to be there for their children.
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Yes, universities should be willing to ease the parent’s
anxieties, but mothers and fathers need to not only talk to
their children, but to listen.
Listen to what your child is not saying about this fragile
and delicate time in his or her life.
College is an exciting time for both
parent and child. It is a time of growth and independence. It
is also a time to ease the parental controls and
concerns not to cut them off completely.
Enjoy the peace and quiet that comes
when a child moves out of the home and goes to college.
Remember however that your wisdom, experience and guidance are
still important to your maturing young adult child.
Other Articles Dealing with Parenting
Children over 18:
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