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Forensic evaluators diagnose PAS by having the parents take a
battery of psychological tests, doing a detailed case history
and by observation. They make recommendations as to what to
do. After the evaluator has written a report on the family and
made recommendations, nothing will happen to resolve the
crisis without court intervention.
The
alienated parent has to take the report to a judge who must
then be convinced that the child is being alienated and that
it is not in their best interest to stay in such an
environment.
It is
rare however that judges have any degree of mental health
training. They most often learn about PAS from the bench. It
usually takes several trips to court to point out how badly a
child is being treated before a judge is willing to act.
TOP
How are PAS cases resolved legally?
Judges are inevitably conservative in their orders. Even when
the evidence is overwhelming that the alienation is occurring,
the court order may still end up saying, "the parents are to
make joint decisions about the child's welfare," when this is
impossible to do.
This
is further evidence that the judge doesn't understand the
magnitude of the problem. The judge in one of the most severe
PAS cases I worked on was from the old school. He was tired of
having the litigants continue to appear before him. One day he
said, "Why don't the two of you go out in the hallway and kiss
and make up." This is an example of how frustrating these
cases are for judges. Indeed, these are the hardest cases to
decide.
Judges have been slow to place serious sanctions on the
alienating parent. If there is no threat of severe fines, jail
time or sole custody to the targeted parent, the chances are
remote that the out-of-control parent can be stopped.
It usually takes a dramatic situation where court orders are
broken to force the court to change primary custody. Often it
is only a matter of time before alienating parents become
desperate and their unstable mental health gets the better of
them. People in an official position start to recognize the
alienating parent as being out of line, and become supportive
of the targeted parent.
TOP
What
is the best way to deal with PAS?
The
parents I know who were successful in getting primary
custody of their children in a PAS situation shared the
following characteristics:
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They completed a comprehensive parenting course and
stuck with it until they rated excellent in the knowledge,
skills and methods taught. Their parenting skills became
superior.
-
They were even-tempered, logical and kept their emotions
under control. They never retaliated. A person who reacts in
anger is proving the alienator's point that he or she is
unstable.
-
The children were the primary concern.
No
matter how awful the harassment got, the fear of keeping
their daughter or son in that environment kept them going.
They were driven to continue trying to get the court to
understand the seriousness of the issues and to change
primary custody to them.
-
They were willing and able to go to the financial expense of
seeing it through.
-
They got help from a skilled family lawyer who had
experience with parent alienation syndrome.
-
They became good at understanding how the courts work and
the law as it applied to their case. In many cases, because
of excessive expenses, parents even ended up as pro per
(called pro se in some states) where they were representing
themselves without a lawyer.
-
They had a case where a forensic evaluator made a strong
statement about the alienation and recommend changing legal
and primary custody to the alienated parent. Some parents
had to go back to the evaluator to demonstrate that his or
her earlier recommendations were not working.
-
They persevered in demonstrating that they were rational,
reasonable, and had the best interest of the child at heart.
-
They provided the court with an appropriate parenting plan
that showed how the child would be well taken care of in
their care.
TOP
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They understood the nature of the problem and focused on
what to do about it, even though they and their children
were being victimized. (Alienated parents who got caught up
in "how terrible it all is" and spent time judging the
situation, went under emotionally.)
-
They didn't live a victim's life.
-
They were proactive in seeking constructive action.
-
They avoided adding to the problem. One father expressed it
like this: "I don't know how to make it better with the
mother, but I do know how to make it worse."
-
They kept a diary or journal of key events, describing what
happened and when.
-
They documented the alienation with evidence that was
admissible in court.
-
They always called or showed up to pick up their children,
even if they knew that the children would not be
there. This was often very painful, but necessary. You must
be able to document that you tried. The alienator alleges
that you have no interest in the child.
-
They focused on enjoying their children's company and never
talked to their children about their case. They always took
the high road and never talked badly about the other parent
to their children. They absolutely never showed a child any
court orders or other sensitive documents. They didn't let
the children overhear inappropriate conversations on the
telephone.
-
They didn't violate court orders. They paid their child
support on time and proved that they could live within the
letter of the law.
-
They were truly decent, principled people. It was obvious
that they loved their children.
Can the alienation
of children be reversed?
As children get older, the alienation can be reversed with
proper psychological care. However, it won't work if the
alienating parent is not contained. PAS is among the most
severe types of emotional child abuse. There will be scars and
lost opportunities for normal development. The child is at
risk of growing up and being an alienator with an
alienating parent as the primary role model.
This is an edited version of the full
article:
Parents Who Have Successfully Fought Parental Alienation
Syndrome by Dr. Jayne Major.
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