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And I think you are tragically correct. I
can only describe it in comparison to something I once read in
how raising a teenager was like nailing Jell-O to a tree!
What Has Held Our Military Marriage
Together for 19 Years My husband
and I have thus far survived and thrived in marriage for over
19 years, even considering the usually high number of
deployment separations we've experienced, high even by Air
Force standards.. Nothing concrete comes to mind as
to how we survived for so long. At least not at this time.
I can only make reference to my religious
upbringing as it is often described as the "Religion of Love".
Agape is the Greek word for unconditional love. An
acquaintance brought it to my attention that I may be "in love
with love", and this is possibly why my marriage has survived.
This makes reasonable sense to me as I've apparently not let
anything of this earth come between my love for my husband
because it is love itself that I am in love with. Confusing?
Yes, I'm not sure how I got to this state of my being myself.
TOP
The Hard Part of Military Marriage
The most horrendous and difficult part of being a military
spouse is that for the past 12 years, I've basically been a
single parent. The myth civilians have that the military
families have substantial support and resources is far from
true. In actuality most spouses feel like widows for
months at a time. In truth there is little support and
much of the civilian population looks at military families as
"Us" and "Them".
My husband is active Army. I am retired Air Force.
Since we've been stationed with the Army for the last 12
years, I've become familiar with what the Army calls
family support. As an Air force veteran myself, I am unable to
benefit. When spouses are deployed, the military takes
care of them but all other burdens fall on the spouses and
families left behind.
What happens when he is deployed?
I've experienced an unusual phenomena that when my
husband leaves. The "household gremlins" move-in and
everything that could break down suddenly does! Leaving me
stressed with the day-to-day and not too lovey-dovy in the communication
department with my deployed spouse finally gets a chance to
call. Once, when taking my children to
school, the batteries were dead in both vehicles! One was brand
new! Luckily I have an angel neighbor who looks after me,
reminding me of little things like forgetting to put my trash out.
He even does this and other chores for me when my
husband is gone. Usually it is because I am ill or too stressed out
which causes me to forget!
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What American's Can Do to Help Military
Families It would be wonderful if
the civilian community embraced military
families when the spouse is deployed or
at war. Little things like creating a "Hearts Apart"
Community program to provide support in things such as
childcare, transportation (vehicle breakdowns), and minor
repairs. This can be done through community volunteers and
businesses by giving redeemable coupons so as the system is
not taken advantage of. Unlike when a spouse goes away
for a week or a month on a business trip, military spouses
often don't know where their spouse is, if he or she is alive
or when we will see him/her again. Check in on us,
invite us into your community. We move around a lot so
many times we feel without roots. It's the little things
that make a huge difference and help us make it through the
tough times and long separations even when we are apart.
By Elaine, (41) Copperas Cove,
TX
Master Sergeant, Air Force (Ret) & Current Army Spouse
Married 19 Years |
