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What
I find though is that society is much more accepting of this
type of relationship than with the reverse. History shows us
that this is okay. I am wondering what the chances are for a
relationship of this sort - younger woman, older man has
surviving. Is it different than that of an older woman,
younger man? Do younger woman really like playing house and
won't they get bored quick enough when they find that they are
playing a silly game? What about children? Is it that the
older man wants to be a kid longer in their life and that
woman will make them feel younger? Couldn't this be true for
the older woman? We all get into a rut and we have to learn
how to get out of it by trying new things in the relationship.
But being us, we will slip back into the routine as time goes
on and will the same situation occur then?
There are many other questions relating to this that are
pretty basic.
Thank
you for your time.
Andie F (44)
Discovery Bay, Hong Kong
Together 21 years 9 Months
TOP
Dear
Andie --
The situation you address isn't really about age differences.
It's about cheating and what you can do to lessen the chances
that your husband will cheat.
Most men have affairs because they are bored or the excitement
of the "adventure" thrills them. They have affairs for the
sex. Men don't have affairs simply because of lack of love.
Most women have affairs because of an incredible need for
closeness, friendship and intimacy that is not being met by
her husband. They don't have affairs for the sex. And their
maternal instinct of protecting their babies and keeping the
family together is a strong antidote to adultery.
TOP
The
age issue you bring up is irrelevant. 80-90% of all
relationships beginning through
adultery are doomed to failure in the United States.
This is well documented by the marriage and divorce public
filings with state and local government county clerks offices.
Hong Kong may be different due to cultural acceptances, but
human nature is the same anywhere in the world so I suspect
the number is also extraordinarily high.
Rather than focus on her age and whether or not the
relationship has a chance, (issues you have no control over),
let us focus on what you do have control over. How you
react and what you do.
Given that most who stray do so
looking for what is lacking, if
you want to keep your guy from cheating on you, this is what
you need to work on: excitement, adventure and thrills. You
need to keep things fun, spontaneous and unknown. In the
bedroom and outside of the bedroom. A man who is having his
sexual and fun needs being met by his wife is far less likely
to be tempted by another woman.
TOP
Far too often, women use sex as a negotiating chip. To do so
sabotages your relationship. Many a woman will give of herself
freely (or for a price). Men's need for a release is a
biological one. If you don't help him meet it, he will go
elsewhere. Yes, a lot of wives are partially to blame for
their husband's affairs. Rejecting your husband sexually is
basically saying that you don't love him. It's like telling
him you won't feed him when he is hungry. Unfortunately,
feminists will never have the body and mind of a man and will
continue to destroy marriages by giving power mantras to women
regarding pleasing their husbands sexually.
Cheating goes well beyond sex though. Men stray because
someone makes them feel sexy, powerful or attractive in a way
that their wife is lacking. One of the simplest solutions is
by continuing to romance your husband with weekly date nights
and little romantic gestures that let him know he still rocks
your world. And hey, when the romance starts flowing you'll
probably get in the mood for a wonderful night under the
sheets. You might want to check out 300 Creative Dates to get
things back on track.
Michael Webb
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