Marriage Advice

Four Bedroom Boo-Boos
by Susan K. Perry, Ph.D., contributor
Happy couples don't have perfect sex lives. Even when the love is strong, the libido may not cooperate, or the calendar may be too full for its own good, or - sometimes - couples make mistakes that keep them from enjoying themselves in the bedroom.

A Power Thank You for Thanksgiving. Why settle for giving a "thank you" when you can give a POWER THANK YOU?
If you want to make the people who are special to you, feel special, try a Power Thank You. It has 3 parts:

Part 1: Thank them for something specific that they did for you (it can also be something they refrained from doing that would have hurt you).

Are You in a Low-Sex Marriage?
Relationships are dynamic, constantly changing. When answering these questions, think about the past six months rather than the whole of your relationship. Answer them from your perspective, not your spouses. For your privacy, you can click the check boxes. This test is not connected to a database; only you will know your answers.

Can Your Marriage be Saved by a Valentine's Day Gift?
AUSTIN, TX January 30, 2010 – The traditional Valentine’s Day gift has become so clichéd that many couples forgo the practice entirely. Ask anyone over the age of 21 who has been in a relationship for any length of time, and they will tell you they are frequently stumped by the concept of a gift to convey the right message and that is not the ordinary chocolates, flowers, or an evening on the town. The point of the holiday in the first place is to convey to that special person that they matter more than anyone else.

Couples Costume Ideas
Costume Parties are your chance to let your imagination be your guide and add a spark to your love life. Here are five things to try that will show you that make believe and dress-up doesn't have to be wasted on the young.

Dating a younger Man Have I Become Adventurous in Bed. Because I'm Afraid I'll Lose Him?
Dear Dr. Susan
I am a widow with two boys. About three years ago I married a man six years my junior. Lately I have been getting very brave when it comes to our lovemaking, trying different things, which he really seems to enjoy. My question is do you think I am just doing this to make sure he does not stray, or is it because I am afraid he will find someone younger?

Ending the Power Struggle
Dear Dr. Mark,
My husband and I get into these power struggles that go nowhere. Both of us know it only makes things worse and can really mess up an evening if not a whole weekend, but once we are lock in this dance of death neither of us is willing to give an inch. What should we do?

Escaping Fort Brag: Husband's Rage
Dear Dr. Mark,
My husband of eight years is constantly making unreasonable demands, yelling at me until I am just overwhelmed by his anger, name calling and his threats to leave me and our son. If I try to leave the house to escape his angry outbursts, he will block the doors with his body and dare me to make a move. Other times, I have become so frightened, that I am on the ground shaking and crying uncontrollable. After being forced to listen to his tirades for hours, I am unable to go to work because I can’t stop shaking or crying.

Extra Pounds Make him Sexually Unattractive to Me. How do I get him to Lose Weight?
I have been blessed with a great metabolism, so working out has not been a priority; I am 5'1 105 lbs. I recently started working out for the health benefits and to stay in shape. I have tried to encourage my husband to do the same but he shows no desire to do this and our sex life has suffered for the past 6 years because of my lack of desire for his body. I have been 'gently' honest with him but I know that people do not loose weight until they are ready. I am starting to get very angry at the situation because I don't think that a man in his 20's should look like an overweight man. He carries it all in his stomach, even though he is tall, he has a large belly.

Fooling Yourself- When Rationalization of the Non-existent Is Your Definition of Love
Dear Dr. Mark,
I have been married to my husband for 2 years. He is 26 and I am 30. We have no children. He finished his MBA the same month we married, yet he has not even bothered to look for a job since the wedding.

Halloween Party Ideas
Come as you Aren’t: Everyone needs to dress the opposite of who they usually are. Prizes go to the best anti-person (most opposite of their real selves).
Villains and Vixens: Each couple dresses one as a favorite villain and the other as the damsel in distress, (you could really have some fun with this when you get home)

Interpersonal Hypnosis for Couples
By Mark Goulston, MD

Attaining a hypnotic state often helps people deal with problems on a deeper level. Think you've never been in a hypnotic state? Have you ever passed your exit and don't remember doing so? You were driving in a hypnotic state. Aware of what you were doing, (you didn't crash or go off the road) but basically in another world.

Marriage on its Knees: What happened?
The question that is on peoples' minds is 'what the heck was she thinking?' when Silda Wall and Hillary looked on as their men went public after being caught with their hand in the wrong cookie jar. Why so much curiosity?

Missing Kissing?
What is one thing that prostitutes and many married couples have in common?
They don’t kiss on the lips as often as they have sex.

My Partner Cheat? Never! 29 Red Flags That May Suggest a Cheater
Here are a few things that often point a finger to a cheater. While it is true that some of the following red flags may be sure-fire indicators, I've used the words "may suggest a cheater" because it may be wise to give your partner the benefit of the doubt when suspicions arise.

Paper-train your problem relatives for the holidays
Do you have any relatives or friends that ruin everyone’s time at Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner and you can’t un-invite them? Do you feel guilty at wishing they’ll either have other plans or be too sick to come? Do you wish there was a way to paper train them so they don’t mess on everyone else’s good time?

Poor Me' or 'Poor You' = Poor Marriage
Two of the biggest killers of marriages are self-righteous behavior and martyrdom. If your marriage has a prosecutor and a victim dynamic, here's how to end purgatory and rediscover the covenant.

Problem with Authority Figures
If you blind and deafen yourself to the authoritative people who want to help you, because of your resentment towards the authoritarian people who wanted to control you, it will make your life much more difficult than it has to be. And if you haven't noticed, life is already hard enough the way it is.

Professional Approach to Fighting
Calm down, choose your battles, don't sweat the small stuff. Excellent advice, but pretty much useless during everyday marital combat. What I've found works to lessen those inevitable conflicts is to play at being a "professional."

She's Lost that Lovin' Feeling
Dear Dr. Mark,
My wife of 10 years recently informed me that she is no longer physically/sexually attracted to me. My wife is 10 years younger than I am. Our sex life had been somewhat routine with little adventure or variety, but still satisfying to me. I am in almost as good a physical shape as when we married, although I have grayed considerably.

The 7 Tips for Staying on Track with Resolutions
1. BE REALISTIC. Don't confuse reasonable expectations with realistic expectations. Reasonable means "makes sense." Realistic means "likely to happen." It may be reasonable to stop smoking, start a new diet and begin exercising, but it may not be realistic to change all of them at once.

The Ten Keys of Marital Peace
We all go through tough times in our marriages. Yet it's how you get through these bumps that can make or break your relationship. Here are 10 ways to make it through and come out divorce-free.

The Top 10 Measures Of High Self-Esteem
Self-esteem should not be confused with self-confidence -- self-confidence is believing in your competence, whereas self-esteem is believing in your worthiness. You build self-esteem the old fashioned way, you e-a-r-n it -- through dedication, effort, and sacrifice.

Top 11 Mistakes Husbands & Wives Make that Destroy Marriage
In life and love, you may think you're supposed to always focus on the positive instead of the negative. However, unless you become aware of your own hurtful attitudes or actions -- so that you can correct them -- your chances of staying in love 'til death do you part are close to zero.

What's a guy to do when his wife is just not into sex?
Radio host: Dr. Mark, I have read somewhere that a man thinks about sex as often as a woman thinks about her children or how she looks. What do you make of that?
Dr. Mark: I didn't know women thought about their children or how she looks that often.

Quelling the Nagger Within
"Let me be a little kinder, let me be a little blinder to the faults of those around me, let me praise a little more."
—Edgar A. Guest

Dare to be Direct
Because we fear offending people's egos, we hesitate but should say to a potential client: "How can I help you?" If they get defensive and respond, "I don't need your help," pause and calmly say: "Then why are we meeting?" Calmly pause again.

Haunted by Her Threesome
Dear Dr. Mark,
The moment I met my wife, I knew we were perfect for one another; she had every quality I have ever sought in a woman.

Avoiding the Blame Game
Think about it. When you continue to blame, you avoid having to forgive. A powerful defense mechanism, blaming amounts to finding a target for your anger and frustration. It protects you from having to own up to your own shortcomings and your own contribution to the problems between you and other people.

Surviving the Gender Wars
It's probably true that more men like to watch sports, while more women like to shop. That men like to build, while women like to decorate. And we can probably just accept these differences. But why settle for simple understanding when you can actually utilize these distinctions to enhance your love connection?

Divorced Parents, Separate States
Dear Dr. Mark,
My friends look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I dread them.

Male Maintenance for Dummies
The preface to Nancy Butcher’s How To Make Your Man Look Good (Without Making Him Feel Bad) maps out the purpose of this unlikely style and self-help tome: showing you how to help “your man” achieve a state of optimum style and fitness “using a positive, holistic, ‘man maintenance plan.’ ”

Summer Loving
Remember those glorious times from your pre-teens, teens and young adulthood? Remember being so lovesick you could barely stand it when you were away from boyfriend or girlfriend? Remember feeling like you just couldn't wait until you were an adult so that you could actually live with the person you loved?

Is the Grass Greener?
So let's say your best friend is divorced and is now having a steamy affair. All you hear are the great details of passionate encounters lasting from morning to night. You however, have been in a relationship for years and, compared to your friend's, your love feels lifeless and your life feels loveless.

The Video Exhibitionists
Ana Voog shared an intimate night in November with a boyfriend — and a worldwide audience.

Laughing in the Bedroom
There is no place where egos are more fragile than in the bedroom. Sex makes one vulnerable. Both genders worry about how they will perform, especially early in relationships and, most intensely, during a sexual venture with someone new.

How to Survive When Your Kids Leave Home
Doesn't it seem like yesterday that your kids were running around in diapers and now they're out of the house for good? The time has passed as quickly as some of those childhood-years crises lasted.

How Can I Get Through to My Husband?
My husband and I don't talk like we used to. He avoids my attempts at conversation, most notably on relationship issues. When we do talk he often seems distracted. How can I get through to him?