|
Tell her that you really want to
understand better what her life has been like since you've known
her. Then ask her these questions (and don't interrupt her,
become defensive or give her advice or suggestions unless she
asks, the goal is to get her to unload her stress verbally):1) What was the absolute worst
time for you since we've been together?
2) Was that a time that you
didn't know if you were going to make it through? If not, what
was such a time?
3) What has been the thing that I
have been most clueless about since we've been together?
4) What is the thing that makes
you feel most trapped in your life (take a deep breath, because
the answer may be "You")? And how does it make you feel trapped?
5) What is something that would
be impossible for you to do or for me to do, but if either of us
could do it, it could dramatically make you go from feeling
negative to positive about your life?
Again, just listen calmly and
tenderly as she talks. When she finishes, look deeply into her
eyes, try to see HER pain instead of focusing on your own, and
say to her: "I'm really sorry (her name). I never knew it was so
bad for you." Such an understanding comment may cause her to
start crying (with relief) and will make it difficult for her to
see you as the person causing her so much pain, when you're now
the person relieving it.
Continue to resist the temptation
to put in your two cents or to defend yourself or make
suggestions. Let it sink in and hopefully, she might start to
soften.
If by the way this does help, you
might want to pick up a copy of my book,
THE 6 SECRETS OF A LASTING
RELATIONSHIP: How to Fall in Love Again-and Stay There ©2001
Putnam which is filled with tips and advice for recreating
closeness that has been lost.
If it doesn't work, I'm sorry,
but I still think it's your best shot atgetting things back on
track. Good luck.
Dr. Mark
TOP |
NEXT | BACK |
PRINT
For Love My
Wife, Couples Company actually responded twice as we will
sometimes do if one of our staff has personally lived through a
situation. First Laura Dawn addressed the issue of dealing
with uncertainty and regaining control over life.
Click Here to read her input to Love My
Wife..
TOP
|
