If your child is between 11 and 15, over the next 9-months they'll gain comprehensive skills they did not have when this tragedy occurred.  It's important to revisit the issue with them often.  We are finding that children in this age group relive terrorists or traumatic events each day as  they understand better the world around them.

Put Terrorism into Perspective

Your child is better off worrying about getting hit crossing the street by a wayward motorist than terrorist attacks.   This banned MTV ad puts this in perspective, which is why the US government had it pulled.  It doesn't support the war on terror and it places terrorism in its rightful place with more ominous threats to our children. TOP

The following is from the September 22, 2001 broadcast EXTRA did on speaking to children on terrorism: TOP

As originally heard on the 9/22 episode

Once upon a time, in a land far far away...actually here in the United States and not even a year ago, America was safe and secure for our children.

But on September 11th, that fairy tale went up in flames. Children watch as planes smash through skyscrapers, buildings topple like blocks, and parents cry. But it’s our children who may be suffering silently.

It’s not only the very young who are traumatized. “Extra” spoke with several teens at Salesian High School in Los Angeles that are clearly hurting. One of them said, “It's scary to think that now it's coming to the U.S.”

What we're hearing in the halls of this school, and so many others across the nation, is that now more than ever it is important for these kids to talk and for adults to listen. TOP

It’s feelings of helplessness that psychiatrist Mark Goulston says adults can help prevent. So do we let the children know that it's okay to be afraid? Goulston says, “Absolutely, I think it’s one of the best conversations you can have with your children. If you say there's nothing to worry about and they see something in the news, they begin to think, ‘Well, not only is the news saying we're in danger, but I’ve got a parent who lies.’"

Goulston also says the more action you take as a parent, the better you and your children will feel. Students in Austin, Texas are raising and all across America are raising money. One of them told us, “They need our help and we should rally around them.”

From raising money to sharing feelings and expressing emotions, Americans of all ages begin to heal. TOP

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The above suggestions work well with children under eleven. As time goes by, we've realized older children are continuing to have difficulties. The following suggestions are geared for children 11 years of age or older.  Younger children will encounter these difficulties in later years but their minds are not developed enough to understand the big picture at this time.

What should you being doing to continually help your children understand this and avoid the trappings of hate?  How do you deal with the terrorism that confronts us? TOP

1) Do some research in the Muslim religion and your own so you can intelligently speak about the differences and similarities.

There is a lot of misinformation out there.  Our article, Misunderstanding Islam is a good place to start.

The United States was founded on the idea of religious freedom; it's extremely important that we protect this right.  By understanding the principles behind each belief system, you will be able to demonstrate to your children when people are using religion to manipulate people and when they are adhering to beliefs.  By understanding Muslim, you will also be able to guide your children based upon your own belief system.  It is difficult to explain differences and similarities if you don't know what they are.  Children see through falsehood and uncertainty. TOP

2) Speak about suicide. 
The issues in the Middle East are glamorizing it as righteous. Watch the movie "What Dreams May Come" starring Robin Williams with your children.  This movie's theme is about suicide and its consequences.  Discuss it with your children.  What Islamic-extremists describe as the path to heaven is not, even in Islam  The message that children of all faiths are picking up is that suicide for a cause is good and that it will make you famous.  This is very dangerous, especially to young minds. TOP

3) Bring your children into the debate
If your children are present during a newscast or debate featuring opinions of Palestinian or Israeli representatives, talk about what your child is feeling after hearing the opinions.  Much of what you'll see is anger and deflection of responsibility.  This is an excellent opportunity to discuss the ramifications of not taking responsibility for your own actions and the consequences of blaming others for your problems.  You'll see this on both sides of the issue.  It's also a good learning opportunity for older children about how politics and policy are made.  If your child had the ability to solve the problems of the Middle East, what would he or she do?  Ask.  You might be surprised. TOP

4) Be an example and bridge the gap.
Are there Muslim children or families in your neighborhood or attending your child's school?  It's in our nature as people to distrust and fear what we don't understand.  Take the initiative and extend the hand.  Get to know the parents, ask them dinner or to picnic.  Most openly Muslim families are feeling assaulted, many are ashamed of what people are doing in their religion's name.  Every religion has its positive and negative aspects.  Fear and misunderstanding focus us on the negative.  Knowledge and friendship open the doors to the similarities and pave the way for common ground. TOP

5) Use this as an opportunity to review your values and morals
One of Ten Commandments is "Though Shall Have No Other Gods Before Me".  Much of what is happening in the Middle East addresses this, but review history first.  Even within the past century, ignoring this guidance has proven disastrous. TOP

In 1933, people swore an oath to Hitler first, and God second, was eradicated from consciousness by the state. This allowed Hitler to alter morality.  Twelve million died.  In Communist Russia, an oath was sworn to Stalin and he was considered before God.  Again, religion was obliterated.  Thirty million died.  These are examples of people using idolatry to manipulate.

For the war on terror

Muslim Extremists and Christian Zionists describe their actions as being done in God's name, yet their allegiance and oaths of loyalty are to humans and causes disguised under God's name.  The Israelis state Palestine is theirs because God gave it to them...even though most have no ties ethnically to Palestine.  (95% of Israelis are of northern European decent and did not convert from paganism to Judaism until 800 years after Christ died and was resurrected).  Again God and religion are used as a cover and excuse for immoral acts by all three faiths involved.  Coincidently, all three faiths forbid these acts each commits in His name.

For parents, this is an important lesson, identifying those with mal intent whom use religion and God to justify their actions.  It's a heavy subject, but important in each person's ability to not be manipulated by those driven by hate, power and greed, the real motivations for war and terror. TOP

6) Ask your children what they think about others and why they think that. 
Preteens and teens are heavily influenced by their peer groups and will often adopt the sentimentality and stance of those they perceive as leaders.  This age group has an innate need to fit in.  As a parent, knowing these thoughts and asking for reasoning behind these thoughts is a responsibility.  Challenge your children.  If they have opinions you find detrimental, walk them through their decision-making process. 

Many times children will form opinions without facts.  They want to be treated like adults and this is one way you can do that.  Questioning their facts and requiring proof (even if you know them to be correct) will teach lifelong debating skills and motivate them to provide substantiation to their beliefs. This will strengthen both of you and prepare them for life as an adult.  It also builds self-esteem. TOP

7) Pay attention to your own reactions. 
You know the drill.  Teens are always looking for ways to prove you wrong or inconsistent.  As adults, we understand that sometimes we may have an emotional outburst.  For us, it's just letting off steam.  After an hour or two, we get our senses back. To them, it's "You lied.  You told me one thing and I saw you do another."  For any parent who's been trapped in the "You lied to me," syndrome, explaining that human nature and  a temporary adult fallibility to a teen is near impossible.  If you yell at the TV or make a comment in frustration, your child will take it as the gospel truth.  Undoing the damage is ten times harder.  Your best recourse is to hold your tongue when your child is in the room and ask what they think and why.

Teens and preteens will be running policy in fifteen to thirty years.  An opportunity has presented itself for us to raise a generation of fair thinking, compassionate and decisive leaders, children that question rather than accept.  How we help our children through this will determine if the future will be one ruled by hate and lies or one ruled by respect and truth. 

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