Portuguêse

'Mamãe, posso levar um amiguinho junto?'

Viajar com filhos dos outros pode ser ótimo para seus filhos e, às vezes, para você também

By SUSAN SPANO
 

LOS ANGELES: Most parents know that traveling with children is rarely easy, yet it is worth the difficulties  because it allows you to experience locations anew through the eyes of a child. Of course, children rarely like to travel alone so with addition of a young friend both your pleasure and "logistical problems" increase. TOP

Deb Pfiffner's family of Burke, Virginia usually vacations on the beaches of North Carolina. One year she allowed one of  her sons to invite a friend. This is a great strategy when you have an only child or if your child's friend is an only child.  Some families discover that everyone behaves better when a friend is invited. The children let their curiosity shine and display their brilliance as each attempts to impress the other.  The entire vacation with the additional influences becomes twice as fun. TOP

Bringing friends also opens you up to more problems and possible liability.  I know one mother that allowed her daughter to bring a friend on vacation.  Unfortunately when the family returned extra visitors had hitched a ride. The child's hair was full of lice!

Other parents have discovered that their children's friends are impossible to control and dangerous during play.  Their only recourse, though embarrassing is to make apologies, rescind the invitation and send the child home.

Jennie Fields of New York remembers one trip to Cape Cod, Massachusetts when her daughter brought a girlfriend with her.  Unfortunately, her daughter's friend caught the stomach flu.

"When it is not your child it is difficult to clean up the vomit and maintain the same affection you do toward your own. " she states. TOP

The Parents of Others
Allowing your child to accompany a friend on vacation is a tremendous responsibility. Alice Cary, author of The Parent's Guide to Hiking and Camping: A Trailside Guide states before your child leaves the house you need grant custodial rights in a document. This enables the adults accompanying your child to obtain medical treatment in the event you cannot be reached. You also need to know the itinerary and understand where in each country or state your child would likely be taken for in an emergency.  Make sure the guardians have in writing all medications your child is taking and any allergies.  If your child is going to be traveling outside of the country, check with the state department.  Many require official authorization for minors in addition to any normal papers for international travel.

Questions to ask the
vacationing parents
include:

1. Lodging accommodations, where and with whom will your child sleep

2. What sports and activities your child may participate in. 

3. Communicate your preferences for your child's diet including quantities and that which you do not approve of. 

4. Agree with the guardians on a tactic for dealing with homesickness, should this occur. TOP

Additional considerations:

5. How much money your child should bring for incidentals and activities. 

6. Articulate your preferences both acceptable and unacceptable for television viewing, movies and videos. 

7. Write down all instructions for guardians, thus eliminating any misunderstandings.

BEFORE THE TRIP:
If you are the parent bringing a child's friend, discuss ahead of time acceptable forms of discipline.  "Choose a relaxed environment and sit to discuss disciplinary methods with the parents.  This is the key to creating a relaxing and enjoyable trip," advises Dr. Mark Goulston, a Psychiatrist in Los Angeles. 

Though this is a delicate conversation, it is important to arrive at an agreement regarding discipline between both parents prior to embarking on the trip. TOP

"Keep the conversation relaxed and non-confrontational but ask about concerns," recommends Dr. Goulston.  "Explain how you discipline your own children and when.  Then ask the other parents how they would handle the same situation."

Better yet, "Know the child and know the child's family," recommends Deborah Baratta, co-founder of San Francisco's Rascals in Paradise, a travel agency specializing in family vacations.  TOP

Get to know the child and his/her family first by spending time with the child prior to leaving.  This will help you determine if you will enjoy traveling with him/her as well.

Parenting author Cary believes it is easy to discover which children will make good traveling companions and which will destroy your vacation and break your household apart simply by watching how your children play together, eat together and even take turns using the bathroom. If they're not going to make it over the long-haul you'll see the warning signs of quarreling, bickering and the "I'm bored" complaints.

Deb Pfiffner will only bring friend of her children to the beach that she likes. She informs the guest's parents that the guest child will be treated as part of the family, including helping with the chores and observing the family rules.

Proper etiquette for the parents of the invited child is to offer to pay their child's general expenses.  It is considered very poor manners if the child does not at least offer to pay for his/her portion of a restaurant meal or amusement attractions,

LOS ANGELES - Os pais sabem que viajar com crianças não é fácil, mas vale a pena enfrentar as dificuldades para ver novos lugares através dos olhos arregalados dos filhos. Os problemas multiplicam-se qdo se leva um amigo da criança - um "exceden-te," como diz minha amiga Deb Pfiffner, de Burke, Estado de Virgínia. Quando a família Pfiffner passa as férias na casa de praia, na Carolina do Norte, geralmente leva junto um excedente para cada um dos três filhos. TOPO

Jennie Fields, de Nova York, recorda ter feito uma viagem para Cape Cod, Massachussetts, com sua filha e um amiguinho que acabou contraindo uma gripe terrível. "Quando não é nosso filho, a motivação amorosa para limpar o vômito simplesmente não existe", diz Jennie Fields.

Outros pais - Deixar o filho partilhar as férias com um amigo é uma grande responsabilidade, segundo Alice Cary, autora de Parent's Guide to Hiking & Camping: A Trailside Guide. Ela afirma que, antes de sair de casa você deve conseguir uma carta assinada dos pais autorizando-o a obter tratamento médico para o filho deles, e informações sobre o seguro-saúde da família.Você precisará saber onde os pais poderão ser encontrados em caso de emergência, e se a criança toma remédios ou tem algum tipo de alergia. Se for uma viagem para o exterior, será necessária uma autorização oficial. TOPO

Você precisa se informar sobre os hábitos de dormir de seu convidado, habilidades atléticas, preferências quanto à alimentação, seus temores e sua tendência a sentir saudades de casa. Também é uma medida inteligente perguntar se a criança levará dinheiro para gastar como quiser, e que tipos de programas de TV, filmes e vídeos tem permissão para ver.

E como os pais da criança se sentem em relação aos seus métodos disciplin-ares? A chave para fazer com que a viagem seja tranqüila é falar com os pais de seu convidado sobre essas questões, antes da partida. Mark Goulston, psiquiatra de Los Angeles, diz que chegar a um entendimento sobre o modo como você disciplinará a criança é uma questão importante, porém delicada.  TOPO

"Converse de modo descontraído e evite criar constrangimentos," recomenda Goulston. "Conte-lhes como disciplina o seu filho, e depois pergunte como eles fazem isso." Melhor ainda: "Conheça a criança e conheça a família dela", recomenda Deborah Baratta, co-fundadora de Rascals in Paradise, empresa de turismo de São Francisco especializada em viagens de famílias.

Passe algum tempo com a criança antes de pensar em convidá-la para a viagem de férias. TOPO

Contas - Deb Pfiffner só leva para a praia as crianças de quem gosta. Ela deixa claro que o convidado será tratado como parte da família, devendo ajudar nas tarefas e obedecer às normas. A maioria das mães considera razoável pagar as contas da criança convidada, mas uma das coisas que ela não tolera são as crianças que não se oferecem para pagar a sua parte da conta nos restaurantes e atrações turísticas, como ela recomenda aos seus filhos que façam, quando viajam com famílias amigas. TOPO

Ela acha que para viajar com amigos a criança deve ter, no mínimo, 10 anos.

E esta não deve ser a primeira vez que ela sai de casa. Adolescentes podem tornar-se difíceis, em vista de sua necessidade vital de liberdade.

"Viagens de família são uma oportunidade para seus membros ficarem mais próximos", afirma o psiquiatra Goulson. "Levar mais crianças pode diluir a natureza de uma viagem de família. Por isso, reflita muito antes de convidar um excedente." TOPO

FIM

5 de junho de 2001:
Source: Los Angeles Times

As reported in São Paulo's

(Most times the hosting parent won't require this but the offer must be made. Not making the offer will be considered offensive and prevent your child from being invited again). Pfiffner recommends that you explain this to your child and teach him/her how and when to offer before your child joins another family on vacation.  The best way to do this is to speak with the head of household alone prior to arriving at the park or restaurant and simple ask, "Mr/Mrs. Jones, my parents have given me money to help with expenses.  May I assist with the meal?"

Pfiffner recommends that children be at least ten years of age prior to accompanying another family on vacation. Also make sure this is not the first time the guest child has ever been away from his home/parents.  Teens specifically can be very difficult.  Teens need space and time to be accountable to themselves, but they also require alert supervision.

"Family vacations are a tremendous opportunity to for your entire family to grow closer together," affirms Dr. Goulston.  "Allowing your child to bring a friend can minimize the family bonding.  You'll want to consider the impact of another child prior to extending the invitation." TOP

Related Article: Family Vacations Made Easy on New Web Site