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1. Have
High Hopes But No Expectations
If it appears that your partner has forgotten the date, avoid
a pushy reminder such as, "I hope you are planning to do something
special for Valentine's Day!" Partners, especially husbands, respond
much more positively to wishes than to expectations or, worse,
demands.
Rather
than putting pressure on your partner to read your mind (usually
incorrectly), come up with plan for Valentine's Day together. On
Feb. 1, say, "Why don't we do something special this Valentine's
Day? We both talk about how we miss the sex, fun and romance that
have been pushed aside by our jobs, kids, parents, etc. Let's plan a
quiet and romantic dinner followed by a sexy evening -- and keep
kids, TV and work from getting in the way." Such a gracious and
positive invitation is likely to entice your partner into eagerly
joining in.
2. Take a
Stroll Down Memory Lane
On Valentine's Day, consider revisiting a place that the two
of you frequented during the earliest months of your relationship.
The memories will remind you of your early feelings for each other
-- feelings that have remained and grown stronger over time.
Do
make sure to choose somewhere that hasn't changed too much over the
years. You don't want to be disappointed and think, "Gee, maybe life
has changed, and it really won't ever be the same."
3. Talk About When It
Was Great
You are what you say, so on Valentine's Day, talk about your
wonderful and even humorous relationship memories. Recap how and
when you met and what you first thought about each other. Share some
of the comical moments from your first dates or your wedding. Then,
talk about the rough times and how you made it through them
together. Recalling vivid details as you speak will not only bring
back the memories, but the feelings as well.
4. Be Grateful and
Multiply
Sincere and heartfelt gratitude is the best booster shot you
can give your marriage. Think of three things involving your
relationship or your partner for which you're extremely thankful and
acknowledge them on this special night. Use the "power thank you"
technique: First, tell your partner what he or she has done to make
your life better; second, acknowledge how much effort it took for
him or her to do it; finally, let your partner know what he or she
personally means to you.
5. Forgive and Move On
Use Valentine's Day to let go of three things you have been
holding against your partner. Talk about what they are, how they
hurt you, why you've been holding onto them (hint: it's usually to
protect yourself), and why you're now forgiving your partner and
giving him or her a clean slate (hint: because you'd rather take
another chance on love than have your loving feelings worn away by
this grudge).
6. Follow Through
Seal your new love with a kiss, but don't leave your
relationship's fate to good intentions. Instead, plan on setting up
a weekly "date night." Go to places more oriented toward couples
than toward singles or families. Then talk about the things you
appreciated most about each other during the previous week.
At these weekly dates, also mention things or
occurrences that you wish the other had handled differently. Make
sure to tell your partner what you wish he or she had done, rather
than leaving your mate out on a limb guessing. By being honest about
your feelings of disappointment or hurt in their early stages, you
can prevent them from snowballing into anger or full-fledged wounds.
There's a well-known saying that living well is
the best revenge. If that's true, perhaps the best revenge on the
terrorists whose hatred tried to destroy us on Sept. 11 is loving
well. And there's no better time to start than on Valentine's Day.
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