What about when the alarm goes off and you say, 'just a few more minutes' while you listen. Suddenly the announcer says thirty minutes passed...yet to you if felt like only five. That is a hypnotic state. See, it's not as scary as you thought. Or as hard as you thought. Ideas, solutions and alternate avenues often come to us when we are in an altered state. Dr. Richard Bandler, the founder of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) pioneered the use of hypnotic states induced through language
and sound. His work has cured addictions, apathy and other behavior problems often in one session. That's how powerful dealing with issues in an altered state is. Today, rather than spending hundreds of dollars for a hypnotist, technology products like the MindSpa induce a hypnotic state to facilitate relaxation, conflict resolution, learning or energize you whenever needed. Different hypnotic states optimizes your ability to solve problems and can help curb the emotional tendencies in fights often bring out.
The following hypnosis script will assist couples whom have become alienated from each other. I often use with those separated or about to file for divorce and it successfully takes each back to happier times, reminding each of the good in their marriage, something fights, miscommunication and outside pressures has erased from conscious...but not the unconscious memory. The idea is to wake up those subconscious feelings and re-establish them in present tense within both the man and the woman.
To use this hypnosis technique, I have the husband and wife sit facing each other and in a low quiet voice, begin coaching them through with the script below. To do this at home I'd recommend either having a friend read the script...or...if you like your privacy, use a tape recorder and record the script below in your own voice, SLOWLY. Substitute his name and her name for he and she. Then get your partner and set aside an evening when you will not be disturbed and play the recording. No drugs or alcohol please
drugs which interfere with your subconscious. If you follow through with this script, you might well be amazed! Hint: You will need some facial tissue! Getting Our Relationship Back Hypnosis Script
(Pause for about Ten Seconds and begin the next section. During this entire script, husband and wife must continue to look at each other without deviating)
Keep looking until everything else except each other’s eyes begins to blur.
You may feel tempted to look away,
That uncomfortable awkwardness you’re feeling ... is just intimacy.
And the awkwardness is the ache to feel that intimacy again.
Pause and locate that ache,
It may be in the pit of your stomach,
Or possibly in your neck as you swallow from nervousness
Wherever it is, feel it leaving the lifeless place it has been
After it atrophied from disuse.
Feel it trying to push up and out into your awareness
Like a baby trying to be born into the world.
Feel your ache to feel close again
pushing as hard as it can
in order to make it out through
the coldness or numbness that has replaced it
Feel your fear that when you look into each other’s eyes,
you will only see disappointment, anger, or frustration…
Or worse see a stranger that you don’t know.
you may see any or all of those…
Take as many deep breaths as you need
In order to persevere and not look away
Keep looking and you’ll begin to see other things…
Keep looking and you’ll see
That no matter how disappointed, angry or frustrated your spouse may feel,
he or she DOESN'T want to feel that way.
Keep looking and see that even if there are moments he or she HATES you,
That what he or she hates even more, is hating you.
He doesn't want to hate you,
She doesn't want to hate you,
If you sense that your partner is holding up a wall
Realize it is not to push you away,
But to protect them because they believe
Instead of forgiving them,
(Pause for about ten seconds but keep looking into each other’s eyes and let this sink in)
Remember when you first met.
Remember how your spouse looked.
And how they looked at you.
Remember how you smiled when you first saw your spouse.
and how he or she smiled when they looked at you.
Feel the ache you have to put a smile back on your spouse’s face,
Feel the pain of it being so difficult to do that now,
Especially when it was so natural and easy to do when you first started dating.
Remember how you felt a connection between the two of you.
How you and your partner were able to lower your walls and defenses
After having kept your walls and defenses up for so long
Remember how you both could finally admit to yourself
How alone you had felt before you came into each other’s life
that aloneness and loneliness was finally gone.
(Pause for ten seconds, but keep looking into each other’s eyes)
Remember when you first kissed,
Remember the first time when your skin touched each other
How your skin felt, touching your partner
How your skin felt, being touched by them.
Remember how your skin had felt before
How it had become used to either no touch, empty touch or bad touch
And remember how those touches were washed away and replaced by good touch,
Good touch, soft, tender, strong and electric all at once.
Remember how good it felt to be together
To have someone to belong with and to.
(Pause 10-20 seconds and keep looking into each other’s eyes)
Remember the comedy of errors and the frustrations of planning your wedding
The bickering, the arguments, sometimes tears
and even fears that maybe it was a mistake
But then you both made it to the ceremony, the party afterwards,
And to the relief when it was over.
Remember when it was just the two of you on your wedding night.
And then heading off on your honeymoon,
The meals, the side trips you took, the holding hands,
And then holding and being held every night.
Remember feeling his arms and her arms touching and holding.
Remember the closeness, the comfort.
Keep looking at your partner and how they want to feel those feelings again
See how much your partner wants to let go of all the things that have come between you.
And forget all the bad times
And remember more clearly the great times.
See how they want and need you to know that as strong
Is as easily and as deeply as they can sometimes be hurt or injured
And when you see them getting angry or cold towards you
It is always because they are reacting to feeling hurt, injured or disappointed.
And that each time you do something that hurts them
It takes a long time to come back.
They want to give it a chance.
they want to give your relationship another chance
And that if someone asked them right now
Do you ( her name ) take ( his name) to be your partner for life?
To cherish, respect, forgive
she would say is, “I do and I will.”
he would say is, "I do and I will"
The answer still is I do and I will.
(Pause for 10 seconds, but keep looking into your spouse’s eyes)
Now as we approach the time
When I will give you back your relationship
Rather than me speaking for you
It’s more important that you each speak and hear each other
On your new chance for a happy marriage
With a clean slate
Leaving the past behind you
And stepping into your new future together
That neither of you will dishonor
Because it’s not that often that
Do you (wife’s name) take (husband’s name)
Give the benefit of the doubt,
Recognize, acknowledge and thank
Or continually bringing up
As your partner, spouse and best friend for life?
(If you as the wife do, say, “I do” looking into your husband’s eyes)
Do you (husband’s name) take (wife’s name)
Give the benefit of the doubt,
Recognize, acknowledge and thank
Or continually bringing up
As your partner, spouse and best friend for life?
(If you as the husband do, say, “I do” looking into your wife’s eyes)
Then, with the power the two of you have invested in me
to help you let go of the hurt and anger from the past,
to be quick to forgive and slow to anger
and to rediscover your love for each other
and commit to treating each other with loving kindness,
I now give you and your relationship,
A clean slate and a new beginning.
Don’t blow it! A second chance is a terrible thing to waste!
You are now free to hug and seal your agreement with a kiss.
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(c)2006 Dr. Mark Goulston, All Rights Reserved |
