Dear Dr. Mark:
I was interested in your response to the woman whose husband was overweight. You suggested a couple of ways she could bring this problem to his attention. Yet as a person who has battled weight and eating issues most of my life, I can tell you that this won't work. It is far more likely to leave him feeling angry and rejected. The title of your next article on the same page -- "The Blame Game" -- seems to me to be more in tune with what's going on with Mrs. Skinny. She has had to take a job that kept her away from him more, and perhaps other things haven't gone the way she planned. If he loses weight, I'm betting it won't be enough to give her a satisfying life. My advice to her would have been: You can't change him, but you can change you. You're dissatisfied. So look at *your* life. Where can you find time to do the things that relax and renew you? How can you make time to do special things with your husband? My guess is that when your life is going well, your sex drive -- and your appreciation for your husband -- will rise as well. Instead of pushing him to join a gym, try cooking him a healthy, delicious meal once a week, or making a tradition out of a Sunday-afternoon walk. It's not so much about calories and BMI as it is about spending time together connecting, talking and listening.

JR (F) 37
York, Maine