When these components are strong and plentiful, your marriage
is vital and durable. When any of them are weak or in short
supply, your marriage becomes troubled and fragile. Take this
short test to determine where your relationship stands.
1. Chemistry
Chemistry is the sizzle, romance and passion that
sweeps you away when you first fall in love.
Test yourself: How often are you turned on by the way
your partner looks dressed and undressed? (1 = Rarely, 2 =
Sometimes, 3 = Often)
2. Respect
Respect is more about how good of a person both you and
your partner are than how good each of you make the other
feel. You demonstrate respect by how well you listen.
Test yourself:
How frequently do you listen to your partner and hear them out
without interrupting? TOP
3. Enjoy
Enjoying your marriage is simply about having fun just
being with each other. When you’re with your partner (or even
thinking about him or her) it makes you feel lighter and puts
a smile on your face.
Test yourself:
How often do you and your partner have lunch or dinner with
just each other? TOP
4. Acceptance
When acceptance is present, you feel welcomed as you,
as opposed to having to prove yourself. When acceptance is
missing, you feel judged and as if you can’t do anything
right.
Test yourself: How frequently do you feel you can be
yourself with your partner? TOP
5. Trust
Trust makes it safe to bare your
neck and your heart, to confide personal fears and dreams,
without worrying that they will be used against you or that
you'll be taken advantage of. It takes seconds to destroy
trust, and years to rebuild it.
Test yourself: How often are you able to tell your
partner things you feel embarrassed or ashamed about?
TOP
6. Empathy
Empathy is about understanding --
and feeling understood by -- your partner. It’s asking “What’s
it like for my partner right now?” rather than presuming you
each know when you really don’t.
Test yourself: How frequently do you feel understood by
your partner?
If you and your partner scored "3s"
across the board, the secrets to a lasting relationship are
abundant -- and clearly no secret to your relationship.
Congratulations!
If however, either of you scored less than 3 in any of the six
areas, set aside time to talk through when and why any of
those areas deteriorated. Make it a dialogue instead of a
debate. Talk with instead of "at" or "over" each other.
And listen openly rather than defensively. Then decide what
each of you specifically needs to do now to restore the
Chemistry, Respect, Enjoyment, Acceptance, Trust or Empathy so
that you can fall in love again -- and stay there.
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