Marriage Advice, Direction & Problem Solving Skills

 
 
 
Male Maintenance
for Dummies

Nancy Butcher’s
wonderful book. . .NOT.

By Marni Soupcoff
Featuring Dr. Mark
As Seen On:

 


The preface to Nancy Butcher’s How To Make Your Man Look Good (Without Making Him Feel Bad) maps out the purpose of this unlikely style and self-help tome: showing you how to help “your man” achieve a state of optimum style and fitness “using a positive, holistic, ‘man maintenance plan.’ ”  That is bound to be a relief to most readers.  We women have grown sick and tired of rigid, Western man-maintenance plans that cause irksome side effects and ignore our spiritual side.  We’re looking for a natural man maintenance alternative. 


How To Make Your Man Look Good (Without Making Him Feel Bad)
 
By Nancy Butcher
Perigee, 2002

However, after reading the preface, I was somewhat skeptical.  Could Ms. Butcher really live up to the lofty goal she’d set for herself?  And more importantly, could she really fill 165 pages with this stuff?  The answer turns out to be yes.

With the help of a very large type font, lots of dated cartoons, and a generous use of bullet points, Butcher manages to stretch about a five-minute conversation’s worth of material over an entire book.  She teaches us all the basics (“Feeding Your Man” in Chapter Two, “Grooming Your Man” in Chapter Six), and still has room for extra tips, like withholding sex until your man complies with your wishes.

 This is a wonderfully comprehensive approach that, aside from the sex part, can probably even be recycled when you adopt that new Golden Retriever pup or rescue a stray from the pound.   

One of the strengths of Butcher’s method is that you needn’t take her word for anything.  Her book is not merely a statement of her own advice and opinions.  Instead, she consults a number of experts who draw on years of professional experience to provide practical advice for caringly manipulating your partner into looking the way you want him to. 

Some of the best guidance comes from UCLA psychiatry professor Dr. Mark Goulston, who weighs in with insights into the psychological reasons men are slobs.  Dr. Goulston is particularly helpful when he advises how to approach the kind of man who feels he lives for everyone else and wants something in his life that’s just for him:

“Dr. Goulston suggests that you give him some breathing room and say something indirect, for example: I was thinking of how you dress like a slob and how it pisses me off.”  That sort of wisdom, my friends, can only be gleaned from a trained mental health professional.  Yet with How To Make Your Man Look Good, you’re privy to this information without ever having to set your head on an analyst’s couch.

Luckily, although Butcher’s guide is full of horror stories of women being embarrassed by how their men look, it is not simply an exercise in man bashing.  In fact, the author makes an effort to provide a man’s point of view of the difficulties of being male and wearing clothes. 

“It’s tough to know what kind of shirt to wear if you’re guy,” 29-year-old white guy “Liam” tells us (Butcher has “made up” people’s names to protect their anonymity).  “A lot of times, if you wear a long-sleeve oxford shirt, you’re probably too dressed up.  …  You feel goofy putting on a jacket.  You’d rather wear an overcoat.”  What’s a man to do? 

Apparently, poor Liam also finds himself stuck wearing free beer logo shirts because that’s the uniform of his sex and worries about other men thinking he’s “some mamby [sic]-pamby in loafers.”  It’s hard not to feel compassion for the guy.  But the good news is that if Liam’s woman reads Butcher’s words of wisdom, she will soon be explaining the benefits of flossing to him in her “best mean-but-sexy nurse voice.”  She may even start leaving him Post-it notes on the dashboard of his car reminding him to breathe (“[h]earts and smiley faces optional”).

Ladies, the bottom line is that How To Make Your Man Look Good is the best holistic man maintenance plan out there, hands down.  After reading this guide, you will finally be able to take control and stage-manage every aspect of your man’s life to suit your own whims and taste. 

Please bear in mind, however, that you must always be subtle and choose your words carefully.  As one of Butcher’s experts puts it in perhaps the book’s sagest piece of advice, “You can’t say to your man, ‘Honey, your hair looks like shit.’ ”  But apparently, if you can get him to think so on his own, you’re halfway there already.

—Marni Soupcoff, an attorney, writes from Toronto.

E-mail: tae@aei.org  

The American Enterprise Online: www.taemag.com
 

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