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Continued...
Dear Boo Boo 66:
I
think you need to either find a relative or even a shelter
for battered women where you and your son can go and stay.
If
what you say is accurate (because there are always two sides
to every story), your husband is in big time denial with
regard to his causing any of the problems you have
mentioned. Add to that the fact that he becomes verbally
and in the past physically abusive and you have a recipe for
disaster, if not tragedy.
I
know the idea of getting away from him is overwhelming,
but realize that (his) actions do not and will not respond
to (your) words; actions only respond to counter actions. |
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Resources for Military
Spouses
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Your counter
action NEEDS to be to get away from him and to not return until he
is willingly and actively in an anger management program and most
importantly until he realizes and accepts the fact that he is
abusive. If you say, "He'll never do that and never accept that he
is abusive" then you need to think of how to stay away from him
permanently.
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I'm sorry to
be so blunt with you, but what I'm telling you is probably no
surprise. Isn't that true?
If you're
still on the fence about taking these self-protective actions for
you and your son, what would have to happen before you would know
that you don't have a choice? More physical abuse to you or your
son? Your son showing signs of stress (such as bed wetting,
nightmares, tantrums, fear of going to preschool)?
Think of
which family members you and your son can stay with and/or check
with the police about shelters or other places you can stay. You
can also do a search on the internet under "domestic violence" to
find out about resources.
And DON'T,
DON'T, DON'T go back to him until he accepts that he needs help for
his anger, is getting it and has started to use less abusive ways to
cope with frustration in his life.
Best Wishes and Stay Safe,
Dr. Mark
Related Articles on Couples Company:
WHAT TO DO IF YOU OR YOUR CHILDREN ARE BATTERED
Leaving An Abusive Relationship Checklist
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Resources for Abused Spouses
and Children
American Women Overseas
3300 N.W. 185th Street, Suite 133
Portland, OR 97229
Toll-free: 1-866-USWOMEN (International Crisis Line)
(1-866-879-6636)
Phone: (503) 907-6554
Fax: (503) 907-6554
E-mail:
awos@awoscentral.com
Organization dedicated to assisting American women living
overseas victimized by domestic violence. Outreach, safety
planning, extensive support services, general info on
domestic violence at website.
Apna Ghar
4753 North Broadway, Suite 502
Chicago, IL 60640
Phone: (773) 334-0173
Fax: (773) 334-0963
Crisis Line,
Illinois: 1-800-717-0757
Crisis Line,
Other States: 1-773-334-4663
Email: info@apnaghar.org
Apna Ghar is a domestic violence shelter serving primarily
Asian women and children, and was the first Asian shelter of
its kind in the Mid-Western United States. Apna Ghar takes
its name from a Hindu-Urdu phrase meaning "Our Home", and
since January 1990 has served over 3500 domestic violence
clients.
CHILD HELP USA Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD
(1-800-422-4453)
Provides crisis counseling for adults as well as children,
and nationwide referrals to services for families.
Dept. of Defense
Domestic Violence Task Force
Focus is on systemic changes required to strengthen the Department of
Defense's comprehensive domestic violence in the military
program.
Domestic Violence
Articles and resources for military personnel and their families from the
American Forces Information Service.
Domestic Violence In The African-American Community
E-mail: WMAIL@lcgnet.com
Domestic Violence in America:
Challenges and Solutions
Report from the American Academy of Nurse Practitioners 16th Annual
National Conference, July 2001, regarding the role of
nurse-practitioners in domestic violence cases.
Ending Violence Against Women
Population Report
Population Information Program
Johns Hopkins School of Public Health
111 Market Place, Suite 310
Baltimore, MD 21202-4012
Phone: (410) 659-6300
Fax: (410) 659-6266
E-mail:
poprepts@jhuccp.org
Reconstructive Surgery/Domestic Abuse Line
1-800-842-4546
Joint program of the National Coalition Against Domestic
Violence and the Academy of Facial Plastic and
Reconstructive Surgery. Provides free reconstructive surgery
for victims of domestic violence, male and female.
Responding to Domestic Violence: Where Federal Employees
Can Find Help
Online publication from the U.S. Office of Personnel
Management: Government resources for federal employees in
abusive relationships.
Seeking Shelter
Article from the Legal Times regarding asylum
laws and their application to women seeking asylum for
domestic violence in cultures which support a husband's
"right" to use physical and sexual violence against a wife.
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Health Privacy Principles for Protecting Victims of
Domestic Violence
A report from the Family Violence Prevention Fund regarding
privacy and disclosure laws pertaining to victims of
domestic violence.
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How An Abuser Can Discover Your Internet Activities
From the American Bar Association's Commission on Domestic
Violence.
Innocent Spouse Tax Relief Eligibility Explorer
Information from the Internal Revenue Service about
procedures allowing a victim of domestic violence to apply
for protection from the tax liabilities of her spouse or
former spouse without revealing her identity or location.
Maitri
P.O. Box 60111
Sunnyvale, CA 94086
Toll-free: 1- 888-8-MAITRI
E-mail: maitri@maitri.org
Free, nonprofit organization based in the San Francisco Bay
Area, helping South Asian (Bengali, Indian, Pakintani and
Sri Lankan) women with domestic violence, emotional abuse
and family conflict.
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Mental Health Services for
Children Who Witness Domestic Violence
An examination of mental health interventions for children
exposed to domestic violence, and the challenges mental
health professionals face in working with these children and
their families.
To download a free PDF file containing the entire report:
Muslims Against Family Violence
Stepping Together, Inc.
P.O. Box 30486
Oakland, CA 94604
Phone: (510) 483-2220
Toll-free: 1-800-909-1606 (24hr LifeLine)
E-mail:
director@steppingtogether.org
A San-Francisco Bay Area based group working to eradicate
family violence and abuse within the Muslim community in the
Bay area and nationwide.
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National American-Indian
Court Judges Association
1301 Connecticut Avenue, N.W.
Washington, DC 20036
Phone: (509) 422-6267
Fax: (509) 422-6268
E-mail: mail@naicja.org
Information on various domestic violence tribal codes, free
publications, resources and referrals to help on- and
off-reservation.
National Domestic Violence Hotline TDD
(for the hearing-impaired)
1-800-787-3224
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National Latino Alliance for the Elimination of Domestic
Violence
En Español
P.O. Box 322086
Ft. Washington Station
New York, NY 10032
Phone: (646) 672-1404
Toll-free: 1(800) 342-9908
Fax: (800) 216-2404
E-mail:
Information@dvalianza.org
A national group of Latina/ Latino advocates, community
activists, practitioners, researchers, and survivors of
domestic violence working together to promote understanding,
sustain dialogue, and generate solutions to move toward the
elimination of domestic violence affecting Latino
communities.
SSA Provides Assistance to Victims of Domestic Violence
How victims of domestic violence can apply for and receive a
new, confidential Social Security Number, including Q&A and
other recommendations for protection, from the Social
Security Administration.
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