1. He won't commit to a future with you.
A man who is
in a very unhappy or unsatisfying marriage can feel swept away
by how wonderful you make him feel. He may even blurt out,
"I've never felt this way before and I can see spending the
rest of my life with you." This may sound like a commitment to a future with you. It's not. Don't confuse his loving the way you make him feel with his loving you and making a commitment to you.
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2. Cheating on his wife tells you how he deals with any situation he doesn't like.
You are evidence of his avoiding dealing with unpleasant situations head on. This means that he's likely to resort to some devious behavior with you if the two of you encounter relationship problems.
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3. Hiding is exhausting.
Having to keep your
relationship a secret can attack your self-esteem and cause you to
miss out on one of the wonderful aspects of a relationship. Walking
together freely and radiantly through the world can fill you with
the glow of being with someone who is proud to be with you.
4.
He's got his cake
and is eating it, too.
He has a legitimate married
relationship that helps his public persona and he has an
illegitimate one with you to make up for what he's missing in his
marriage. As appreciative as he sounds, many women who are involved
with married men come to resent his having the best of both worlds,
when she has the least.
5. Can you love someone
who is so disrespectful of his wife?
The existence of your relationship with
a married man tells you how little he respects his wife by lying to
her instead of being a man and telling her he wants out.
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Consider the Personal Cost
Think to about what being a mistress
or the man on the side says about you.
It says you have so little
self-respect that you are willing to settle for a relationship that
will never allow you to grow, love or be truly love.
It says you are so desperate for
attention you are willing to take table scraps (leftover time,
attention and affection) rather than do the work to find someone who
places you first above all else.
It prevents you from being available
to a person who can truly love and appreciate you.
By being with a married man or
married woman, you tell the world you are only good enough to be
second string.
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6. Lose
his respect and it's over.
Even though he's the one who pursued
you. Even though he's the one that made it difficult to say "No." And even
though he tells you how wonderful you are. At some level, he's going to have
trouble respecting you for settling for such a flawed relationship. Like the
Groucho Marx joke,
"He may not want to be of a relationship that would have him as a partner."
7. You're not a home wrecker;
you are an accomplice.
Like it or not, you are a
willing participant in a man violating his vows and betraying the trust of his
wife -- not to mention grossly disappointing his children and making it
difficult for them to see him as a role model.
8. You're kidding yourself.
Despite his reassuring you how
much you mean to him, his not ending his relationship with his wife in an
above-board and respectful way -- and not beginning a legitimate relationship
with you -- are actions that speak louder than words.
9. Beware the guilt boomerang.
Many men (and women) have
difficulty accepting full responsibility for their deceitful actions. Human
nature finds it easier to blame than to accept shame. If he is caught by his
wife or conscience, don't be surprised if he tries to blame you and get you to
take the fall.
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10. Time is
too precious to waste.
Ever notice how quickly the years go as
you get older? Because it's convenient and comfortable, a relationship with a
married man can go on for a long time -- and before you know it, eat up the
precious time you might have had in a healthy relationship with a chance of
flourishing. When people who have been involved with married men finally move
on, they often regret having wasted the time in a dead-end affair.
One final thought:
95% of all marriages that begin as
adultery
end in divorce.
Many of you have
written in requesting the faith component to this list. Below we've
assembled a list of the New and Old Testament Passages within the Bible
addressing adultery.
If you're Jewish or
Muslim,
the Old Testament Passages pertain to your faith.
If you're Catholic, Protestant or Mormon,
we've provided both the New and Old Testament passages:
The Granddaddy of the
Scriptures on Adultery
from The Ten Commandments:
Exodus 20:14
"You shall not commit adultery."
Followed by Exodus
20:17 "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife (or husband)."
Old Testament passages dealing with Adultery:
Lev 20:10, Duet 5:18, Job
24:15; Ezek 23.37, Jer 13:27, 3:8, 20:23, 23:10; Hos 2:2, 3:1; Exodus 20:14,
20:17
New Testament passages dealing with
Adultery:
Matt 12:39, 5:28, 5:32, 19:18; Mark 7:21,
10:11; Luke 16:18; John 8:3; 2 Pet 2:14; Rev 2:22; Heb 13:4; Prov
6:32; 1 Cor 6:9; James 4:4
And on Lust:
Old Testament: Prov 6:25, 11:16
New Testament: Matt 5:28, Gal 5:16,
1 Thess 4:5, James 4:2, 1 John 2:16
Compiled from
The New King James Version of the Nelson Study Bible |
