A Husband & Father’s Guide to Living in his women's world

Upon entering my home, I am greeted with piercing shriek, the kind I've become accustom to have both the privilege and the burden of being the only man in a house full of women: one wife and five daughters.

Even in the calmest of moments, which I savor, I know given time, (usually a couple of minutes), a new crisis awaits just over the horizon. Sometimes it is a spider, and sometimes it's something that reminds me just how human, humans are. Today's crisis: the toilet.

The shriek greeting me emanated from my wife who was horrified. The toilet was stopped up...with floaters. Oh boy. My wife quickly explains in minute detail the minutes leading up to this crisis. The funny thing about being a man in a house full of estrogen, you quickly become accustomed to the most intimate detailed descriptions of various bodily functions, issues and peculiarities that fall under the heading of 'too much information' anywhere outside of the family cocoon. After the lengthy explanation of how the toilet got this way, I asked her why it is that she and the girls needed so much toilet tissue to clean-up? Perhaps this is why Europeans are so fond of bidets, preferring to keep their trees rather than flush them?

Her reply to the need for enough toilet paper to plug up the toilet was simply that women require a soft touch. I knew logic wouldn't win in this situation. Call it male intuition, or simply familiarity with a woman’s world for the past 20years, I simply smiled at her explanation, opted out of logic and immediately went downstairs to get the power plunger. This wasn't the first time the toilet backed up due to too much toilet paper. Based upon the rationalizations used, it wasn't likely to be the last. However this little antidote does illustrate how men and women think differently.
The Difference between a Man and Woman's Brain

Is this the only peculiarity that is different between the genders and are they even gender specific? I can assure you, that there are many more and that they are indeed gender specific. Take for instance my training to put the lid on the toilet bowl down after I use the bathroom. It’s second nature now. I never leave it up and I never get any complaints from the ladies in the house. However, my wife’s ex-husband who frequently visits his girls in the house and whom we all get along with quite well, always leaves the toilet seat up after he uses the bathroom and our sixteen year old screamed after he left! She was beyond incensed that he still doesn’t lower the seat and asked why he doesn’t learn from me?

Therein lies the difficulty with men in general and the ability to conform to women’s needs in particular. My wife often says to me that she loves me because I’m a “gay straight man”. Why and what does she mean by this? Well, we know from numerous comedians’ monologues, television shows and movies among thousands of articles and books that gay men tend to be more sensitive to women’s needs than straight men and they better understand the peculiarities of a woman’s mind. I also often recommend that people watch a presentation by a pastor on the difference between a man’s and a woman’s brain, the link to it is here. While I don’t agree with some of his opinions, one salient point that he mentions is that a woman’s brain is driven by emotion. My biotechnology and science background confirms this reality because of the physiological and hormonal differences in the genders brains. They are real. They make us think and act differently and they certainly make us look differently. So as a man that deals with the unique, daily issues that a woman faces, I can and do understand them, do not freak out about them, respectfully engage in solving the problems that are posed (while the vast majority of men would furrow their brows and shake their heads, instead of simply seizing the moment and resolving what we as men don’t think is a problem).
From Toilet Tissue to Puberty

Apart from toilet tissue being rolled up in balls and gently touched to a woman’s soft and sensitive skin and the toilet seat, I can assure you dads of girls, that you are all aware of what puberty issues you will be or may be dealing with. One such event occurred recently when my youngest daughter had her first menses. Best known as “period”. Guys, you’ll just have to learn the lingo, but don’t use it, be polite and use the sophisticated terms. While your wife and daughters will make fun of you openly, in private, they will thank you for being sensitive to their needs and situations. Just try commenting to your ladies when they are being emotional that it must be their period. You’ll be lucky if you just end up in the doghouse, but I’m sure a worse fate would await you for that simple quip!

So what happened during this potentially traumatic event for my young daughter? Well, I was warned to do nothing! Despite being that “gay straight man” and having gone through a number of first periods before, each daughter is different and requires a different “finesse” to this and other issues. Despite being a proud father of a combined five girls and having gone through a divorce, a failed engagement and any manner of relationship foibles, I was told to shut-up and let her mother talk to her about what to do about the “flow”, what to wear and to enlist one of our other daughters in showing her what to do with the panty liner, pad and later (guys can still be quite ignorant) tampons, not recommended for 11-13 year old girls. So what if the sheets are ruined, clothes underwear, etc…? Guys want to solve problems, but it isn’t a problem unless we make it one. The crisis passed and while she is still learning what to wear and how to solve any staining issues, she’ll deal with it in her own way. Hrmph! A dad just has to stay back!

That silence can be very difficult though. As you know, men have to put their two cents in and we, as fathers have to put our energy into some other issues while these are pervasive in the house. So what did I do? I cleaned the mattress, washed the clothes and emptied the wastebaskets. Menial perhaps, but a great way to use the pent up energy and desire to solve the problem! If you can’t do this, go out and garden, do something, but don’t inject yourself into a truly feminine issue, no matter how much you may know, or think you know.
Your Knowledge Is Irrelevant

I am very lucky in that some recognition of my skincare knowledge has allowed me to help my girls with their acne issues as they move through and beyond puberty. They frequently come to me and ask me how to resolve outbreaks, pustules and other skincare issues. I glow in the knowledge that I am being let into one of the inner sanctums of a female; that being appearance and skin maintenance. While not all girls and wives care about their appearance, I would argue that the vast majority of the female gender does care about the way they look and take care of themselves.

Most fathers aren’t so lucky to be let into so important a part of their wife or daughter’s world, but they can still inject themselves into financial matters, limited aesthetic areas, gardening, cooking, sports or other traditional male rolls. That is indeed a disconnect that is real between the genders and while we can consult the girls on sports attire, we won’t be asked to comment about their clothing choices. Again, I am fortunate to be intimately involved here, because I was in clothing manufacture and was a model early in my adulthood (often asked to show my portfolio to my daughters and their friends for LAUGHS no doubt!). Those credentials still don’t absolve me of being a man and a father completely. So when some of my daughters want to rip or cut t-shirts, wear what I think is excessive make-up or something that is too sexy for a teen, my wife simply says, I’ll take over. Again, I have to learn to simply acquiesce and if my daughter needs me to pick her up because she is being harassed, or some other reason, then that will be my job for the moment. Remember, just give her a hug and she will remember that forever. Part II: Being A Male in A Female World – Brace Yourself!

About the Writer

Lorne Caplan started his career in biotech and medical device financing, moving into spas, skincare and all things anti-aging related. This led him into his current focus on romance, passion and intimacy products and services. As a father and stepfather to five girls, his unique understanding of female physiology and mentality combined with his own personal experiences, allow for a unique and all encompassing perspective on these subjects. Lorne is a speaker and presenter. He has appeared on television shows such as Dr. Phil and is frequently published and quoted in multiple media outlets like Shape, and Spa 20/20,