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The Best Gifts in Life Are Free
Usable Insights with Dr. Mark
Goulston
Every person on this planet can
afford to give this priceless gift!
Phone call home (calling card), 75
cents
Xmas card (Hallmark), $2.50
Airfare home (roundtrip), $350
Unsolicited thanks (from a grown child), priceless
Up until I was 35 years old I considered myself a
coward, because I stayed too much in my comfort zone, took too few
risks and gave into my fears. Then my first child was born. One day
when she was three months old and I was holding her in my lap, she
looked up into my eyes with total love and total trust. I realized
that if she looked into my eyes that way when she was twenty and saw
in me, what I saw in me, she would be disappointed. And I couldn’t
do that to her.
What I was most afraid of and thus avoided was being on the spot,
humiliating myself or being ridiculed. That is why I rarely asked
questions— either at home or in the world (except in my capacity as
a psychiatrist/psychotherapist)– up until that time in my life. On
that day I started to say, “Yes” to all the things I had previously
said, “No” to from fear.
Now on nearly a daily basis I go out of my way to put myself on the
spot. That is why I give talks, grant interviews, write articles and
books. When it goes well, it gives me confidence; when it goes
poorly, all the better, because that makes me stronger and
inoculates me against cowardom.
You might wonder how things turned out since my daughter is now 24.
Six months ago I received the best gift I have ever received. It was
an email from her:
“Hi
dad, last night my friends ----- and ----- and I were out walking in
Manhattan discussing how lost and confused we felt (BTW they all
have jobs), when I interrupted as I often do to say, ‘My dad said
-----.’ And just as often, it stops the conversation and makes it
considerably better. I’m not so sure my friends could say the same
about their dads. I’m lucky to have a dad who is so wise, even if he
is far away. I love you. See you soon, Lauren.”
Don’t wait until it’s too late to give that kind of thank you to
the people you’re grateful to.
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Usable Insights.
© 2006-2007 Mark Goulston |
