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Our biggest problems started when I got pregnant. He
wanted nothing more than to have a child. He was truly
excited. But as things go with pregnancy; I had some
problems, working many hours a day on my feet caused a lot of
pain for me, he started accusing me of not loving him because
I wasn't interested in sex anymore. It wasn't that I lost
interest. It was just painful for me. I asked him to be
gentler, but he never was. He began drinking a lot more than
usual. He always drank, but it began to happen every day.
And a lot. And his mood would turn sour at the drop of a
hat. We began fighting a lot, and when I wouldn't back down,
he would go punch through a wall. He is like Jekyll and Hyde!
It scares me when he acts this way. I have to walk on
eggshells around him. After the baby came and while I was on
maternity leave from work, he got a good job. He had spent a
lot of time off and on unemployed. I had to take the brunt of
the financial burden...and there is a lot. All the while, he
was using the ATM card for little things that weren't needed.
I asked him not to, but he kept using it.
But while on leave, after he got a job, he then turned on me
telling me I was lazy and expected me to do housework
everyday. He would be irate if he came in and found that I
had been at my parent's home during the day, or just didn't do
anything. I cannot make him understand that I am home with
two children, both desiring and needing attention. The
overwhelming desire to get help with them outweighed the
little things that needed to be done at home.
But my biggest problem is that he isn't helping with the
chores. I even have to take the garbage out because it's
always forgotten. And when he has a fit and tears things up,
I am the one who has to clean the mess. Sometimes he destroys
things that are very personal to me, and cannot be replaced.
But the walls are taking the brunt of the abuse. And we
rent...
I guess my question is how can I make him understand that he
needs to get help with his drinking, and anger? And what can
I do to help? I have considered counseling, but we cannot
afford it. I have started shutting down when he pipes up
instead of retaliating. I am beginning to lose my self-esteem
because he makes me feel as though nothing I do is good
enough.
What should we do?
Sherl
(F) 31, Texarkana, AR
Married 7 Months
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