MASCULINE ENERGY
FEMININE ENERGY

Which are You?

In our article on relationship covenants we discussed the need for one party to be masculine energy and the other to be feminine energy in order for the relationship to build easily and to the splendid satisfaction of both. This article goes into what constitutes masculine energy and feminine energy, how to recognize it and why it's important you Masculine and Feminine Energy understand. Most of the information included in this overview article is derived from the lectures and books by Dr. Pat Allen this writer has read and attended, put into practice and benefited from.

Dr. Pat Allen, the author of Getting to I Do, Staying Married & Loving It and The Truth About Men Will Set You Free…but first it will Piss You Off. She's an expert on helping couples achieve a covenant relationship, regardless of their religion, race or sexual orientation. Much of her success is owed to the identification of masculine and feminine energy within the couple dynamic and helping individuals stay true to their core needs by understanding the basis of each.

Masculine vs Feminine

At work, everyone is masculine energy and we all fluctuate between both spheres. One aspect though will be more comfortable than the other and it is this aspect that dominates our wants, needs and desires. Whether you are masculine energy or feminine energy is not determined by your sex. It also has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

Masculine Energy: Respect

Masculine energy people (75% of men and 25% of women) tend to be the director in the relationship and the primary nurturer. If asked the question: "Would you rather be respected or adored and cherished?' a masculine energy person will prefer to be respected. What a masculine energy person thinks is far more important than how he/she feels.

Feminine Energy: Cherish

A feminine energy person (25% men and 75% women) is more concerned with being cherished, having his/her feelings acknowledged and receiving affection. When feelings and attention are given, a feminine energy person feels respected. A feminine energy person cannot stay with a mate he or she does not respect. To gain that respect, the masculine energy person needs to take the lead in many of the couple's activities. Which activities are determined by the covenant. Just because someone is masculine energy doesn't mean he/she is good with money or being assertive.

What about someone who wants to be respected, adored and cherished in his or her relationship? Dr. Pat Allen has a word for him or her too: narcissist.

As a couple, you divide tasks according to competencies and you each agree to attend to specific tasks. How can you tell which you are? If you've ever been in a relationship where you've found your mate's lack of initiative drove you nuts, you are definitely feminine energy. If you've ever been in a relationship with someone who drove you nuts because he/she constantly tried to take control of everything, you're masculine energy. In both cases the relationships failed because two masculine or two feminine energy people found each other and were unable to meet each others basic primal needs. When each person's needs are met, that's a covenant and for 75% of the world's population, it does by in large follow traditional gender roles. For the other 25% of successful relationships, it's the inverse.

FEMININE-FEMININE, MASCULINE-MASCULINE

What happens if you get two feminine energy people together in a relationship?

Steve and I had been dating for about 4 months. He was sweet, very attentive a little bit younger than me. One night he left my apartment at about 10:30 and promptly came back up. “My car has been stolen," he said followed by “What do I do?"

I'm thinking to myself, 'You're 28 years old…you don't know?' but refrained from disclosing. Rather I said, “Call the police; file a report and then call your insurance company. You need to do this within 48 hours," I said. “Do you want me to drive you home?"

This was one of many instances that clued me in I was dating a feminine energy male. The fact that he appeared helpless in a situation that didn't warrant it really turned me off. I also resented the fact I had to take control in this (and many other situations that followed). That's a big clue to both in the relationship, if one of you finds yourself increasingly irritated with the other, particularly in the first few months, you're probably mismatched. When two feminine energy people are together, no one makes the first move. You both want to be nurtured, seduced and pursued, which means no one pursues. It's very frustrating and unless one of you takes the masculine role, regardless of how uncomfortable it is, you will never have sex. For the woman in this situation, it parallels dating a gay man. They're great girlfriends, but horrible lovers in a heterosexual relationship.

A feminine energy male usually isn't gay. He is just happier being in the background and these men are often attracted to and attractive to women who like to and need to be in control. If the man is feminine energy, he appears weak and indecisive to the feminine energy female. However, he is attentive, supporting, caring and calm reason to a masculine energy female. The feminine energy female in turn appears cold, uncaring, nagging, angry and disappointed the more the relationship progresses to a feminine energy male. However if he's with a masculine energy female, she is the star of his world and he does everything he can to help her succeed. She in turn makes him her confidant, takes care of him and supports him in all manners possible.

What about two masculine energy people? This will be fun…for about eight weeks. He and she will compete on everything and this gets old because neither feels appreciated and each must constantly be 'on'. Eventually both look elsewhere for romance. Masculine energy needs to be respected and if both are vying for that respect and using the means to garner respect from a feminine energy partner, both end up frustrated and unfulfilled.

WHICH ARE YOU?

Who is the masculine and who is the feminine is determined within the first 5 seconds of your first meeting, (work related meetings do not apply). Masculine makes the first move. Feminine receives the advance. That doesn't mean the feminine can't get his attention and use body language to let him know she's interested. It just means he needs to come to her, not she to he if you want the relationship to start off on the right foot. Of course if she's the masculine and he's the feminine, then she needs to make the first move. It's all about balance and it's that balance that makes a successful covenant.

I'm going to guess a percentage of you reading this are hemming and hawing, looking for exceptions and possibly plugging me into an archaic cliché. Enjoy. When I first learned this stuff, I did the same thing. Concurrently I'm going to bet that a greater percentage of you reading this are having an 'Ah ha!' moment reflecting on past relationships and suddenly realizing why they didn't work. Got to love those moments. That's what happened with me, after I rebeled against the concept for about six months. Then I started putting it into practice and when I did that, my life and the quality of my love life changed. It doesn't take much, but the results are fabulous. The top three changes I made that ignited my dating life based upon the above are found in the following article: Three Changes that Ignite Your Dating Life.

You may not like the ideas, but they work and they work splendidly.

Happy Covenant!

Why Brides Change Their Last Name
Covenant vs Convenient
Three Changes that Ignite Your Dating Life
Origins & Traditions: Changing Last Names
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The Eight Stages of Intimacy #6: Emotional Intimacy