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Dear
Ghost Chaser:
Alcohol can create a lot of
problems when you're dating. If you have a tendency to do destructive things when
you drink, it's probably a good idea to give up drinking altogether. When you're not in
charge of yourself, your thoughts and your actions, you need to do some work.
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If you
can't stop thinking about an ex does that mean you
don't love your current? |
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| Start by quitting drinking, then exploring your own
thoughts and feelings. Before you can create a loving connection with others,
you must be in charge of yourself. Calling an ex because you feel insecure in a new
relationship, and then lying about it is obviously damaging to your new
relationship. Sometimes, discontent and destructive behavior happens because you are
not really finished with the past relationship, nor ready for a new one. Many
people who believe they are happy in a new relationship betray their true feelings in by
sabotaging that relationship. Below I've listed the ways you can
make sure you are ready for a new relationship. |
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You may not have lost this relationship yet, but if you
don't clear up your
problems, you will lose it. You need to sort out your thinking before you're
going to be able to function appropriately in any relationship, with anyone.
You are asking me questions,
but the answers lie within you. Only you know what you're afraid of, and what is
missing in this relationship.
Good luck,
Tina
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Are You Ready for a
New Relationship?
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Do your grieving
- take some time
after a relationship ends, before you begin dating again, to "let go" and
acknowledge that the relationship is over. Write about your feelings, talk to a
sympathetic friend, or go for counseling to express and understand your grief.
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Analyze what went wrong last time.
Don't just look at the mistakes your partner made - look at your own contributions to the
breakup. Look for what you need to learn: to listen more, to communicate better, to
have more patience, to control your temper, to build your self-esteem, to control a
drinking problem.
-
Know what you're looking for. Do
you want a partner who will talk about feelings? Do you want a 'relationship lite' (no
heavy commitment; just a fun time)? Are there special things you want to do
together? How do you feel about spiritual values, honesty and openness,
monogamy?
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Don't be in too much of a hurry. Decide
to take your time, and find the right kind of person before you settle down to
one partner. Give yourself a choice by meeting a lot of new people, and doing group
activities before you get too involved with just one person.
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ACTION PLAN
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