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Before
we met, my husband dated a third-grade teacher. She was so
used to telling kids what to do all day that she had trouble
stopping. She would tell John to “go sit down” and “put that
away” as though she was still talking to 8-year-olds. Needless
to say, that wasn’t good for the intimacy in their
relationship.
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Anyone
who is accustom to running her projects or staff all day--where
aggression and a take-charge attitude are necessary--will tell
you it can be hard to stop managing when the working day is
done. But if what you want is to be intimate with a man, then
it’s critical to learn to change your hat when you’re off
work. That inner-manager of yours is obscuring your
femininity–that side of you that's soft, tender, vulnerable,
receptive and attractive. |
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One of
the challenges for dating career women is learning
how to leave your career self at work and become
your feminine self with him. |
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Maybe
it’s been a while since you honored that part of you that
wants to be taken out for dinner, walked home, asked about,
thought of, caressed, and just plain taken care of. It’s okay
to admit that part of you relishes feeling protected and
cherished. These are undeniable feminine qualities. Since
femininity is what men are fundamentally drawn to, those are
the qualities that will attract a man who's right for you.
Since you have a feminine mind, body and spirit, all you have
to is remember who you are.
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Taking
a feminine approach to dating means that when you leave the
workplace (or even when you're interacting on a social level
in the workplace), you turn off your ambition and bossiness
and relax into your womanly grace. You have the power to
magnetize men with your manner, your scent, your body and your
voice, which will serve you far better than a know-it-all
attitude or toughness in the dating arena.
One
way to remind yourself to transition is by doing something
sensual when you’re off work for the day. For instance,
lighting a scented candle when you walk in the door at night
can help you mark the change from supervisor to siren. Petting
your dog, having a hot cup of tea or cocoa or putting on
lotion could also do the trick to ground you in the female,
which is where you want to be to making dating enjoyable and
effective.
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Revealing your feminine qualities allows a man to show his
strengths, too. For instance, if you let him treat you, you
give him the opportunity to demonstrate his generosity and
ability to please you, which makes him feel proud and happy to
be with you. If you dismiss his offers in the name of
self-sufficiency, you reject him. If you try to one-up him or
even the score, you're competing with him like one of the
guys, instead of luxuriating in his adoration and affection.
Now, he wonders why he should bother trying to do anything for
you because he feels superfluous.
Pleasing a woman makes a man feel more masculine and good
about himself. Men want to see your soft side so they can show
their strength. By being feminine, we allow our man's
masculinity to shine.
Men
and women really are infinitely different, and you'll enjoy
the foil of his masculinity to your femininity if you
surrender to both.
As
James Thurber wrote, "I love the idea of there being two
sexes, don't you?" |
