Attract Love by Leaving Your Supervisor Self at Work

By Laura Doyle

Before we met, my husband dated a third-grade teacher. She was so used to telling kids what to do all day that she had trouble stopping. She would tell John to “go sit down” and “put that away” as though she was still talking to 8-year-olds. Needless to say, that wasn’t good for the intimacy in their relationship.

Anyone who is accustom to running her projects or staff all day--where aggression and a take-charge attitude are necessary--will tell you it can be hard to stop managing when the working day is done. But if what you want is to be intimate with a man, then it’s critical to learn to change your hat when you’re off work. That inner-manager of yours is obscuring your femininity–that side of you that's soft, tender, vulnerable, receptive and attractive.

One of the challenges for dating career women is learning how to leave your career self at work and become your feminine self with him.

Maybe it’s been a while since you honored that part of you that wants to be taken out for dinner, walked home, asked about, thought of, caressed, and just plain taken care of. It’s okay to admit that part of you relishes feeling protected and cherished. These are undeniable feminine qualities. Since femininity is what men are fundamentally drawn to, those are the qualities that will attract a man who's right for you. Since you have a feminine mind, body and spirit, all you have to is remember who you are. TOP

Taking a feminine approach to dating means that when you leave the workplace (or even when you're interacting on a social level in the workplace), you turn off your ambition and bossiness and relax into your womanly grace. You have the power to magnetize men with your manner, your scent, your body and your voice, which will serve you far better than a know-it-all attitude or toughness in the dating arena.

One way to remind yourself to transition is by doing something sensual when you’re off work for the day. For instance, lighting a scented candle when you walk in the door at night can help you mark the change from supervisor to siren. Petting your dog, having a hot cup of tea or cocoa or putting on lotion could also do the trick to ground you in the female, which is where you want to be to making dating enjoyable and effective. TOP

Revealing your feminine qualities allows a man to show his strengths, too. For instance, if you let him treat you, you give him the opportunity to demonstrate his generosity and ability to please you, which makes him feel proud and happy to be with you. If you dismiss his offers in the name of self-sufficiency, you reject him. If you try to one-up him or even the score, you're competing with him like one of the guys, instead of luxuriating in his adoration and affection. Now, he wonders why he should bother trying to do anything for you because he feels superfluous.

Pleasing a woman makes a man feel more masculine and good about himself. Men want to see your soft side so they can show their strength. By being feminine, we allow our man's masculinity to shine.

Men and women really are infinitely different, and you'll enjoy the foil of his masculinity to your femininity if you surrender to both.

As James Thurber wrote, "I love the idea of there being two sexes, don't you?"

Relationship expert Laura Doyle is the New York Times best selling author of The Surrendered Single. She has appeared on Dateline NBC, The Today Show, Montel Williams and The View. 

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