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15 Steps to
Conquering
Unemployed Negative Self-esteem
The first thing to realize is you are not your job and good
people are not measured by their bank accounts. You may need to repeat this to
yourself for several weeks until you believe it.
Then do the work:
1. Make a list of your personality assets:
Friendly,
outgoing, good listener, etc. Delete any that refer to your title or the amount
of money you made. Look at what is left. This is how you define yourself.
2. Maintain regular contact
with your
friends
Try not to withdraw and avoid people. Men
especially will do this when things get tough. If you have a
friend who is unemployed, check in often.
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3. Create a Friends' List
Ask your close friends to write down at least ten
words they would use to describe your personality and why they like you. This is how
other people see you. Compare your list with your
friends' lists.
Are
there similarities? Do your friends see you one way and you see yourself another?
Keep your friends' lists with you.
When you
feel down, read it and remind yourself who you really are.
4. Fake it 'til you Make it!
Keep your mind
filled with positive affirmations and repeat them every morning when you get up. In
time, you will start to live them and believe them, even if you feel silly saying them
right now.
5. Stay away from alcohol
and drugs
during this period.
Alcohol is a depressant and most drugs will prevent you from feeling what
you need to go through. You'll stay stuck in your present situation without having the
ability to get out.
6. Write down what you are afraid of.
Then
write down the worst case scenario. Now, pretend like you are giving advice to a
friend. What would you tell them about these fears and What ifs? Write down your
advice to solving each fear and what you can do to overcome it or prevent if.
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7. Celebrate little accomplishments:
A
response on a resume, a referral, an interview. Acknowledge these positive events
and make them important.
8. Pray, even if you feel silly or aren't
convinced
there is a God or a higher power.
Not quite sure how to pray? Try asking for the courage to make it through the
challenges. Ask for guidance and the ability to understand what God's plan is for
you and ask for the humility to accept whatever it is. Then trust in the fact it will be
exactly what you need even if it's not what you want.
Download
The Serenity Prayer
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9. Resolve to be happy,
no matter what happens.
10. Keep busy.
Learn a new trade, write a
book, take classes, do anything to keep your mind occupied and your hands busy. Go out to
industry events and keep up on industry news.
11. Work out and keep your body active too.
Exercise will improve your mood. It will also help
burn up some of the anxiety you are feeling. Keep a regular schedule by getting up in the morning just like you are going to work
If you find yourself withdrawing, try to resist sitting around all day and watching TV and
instead go out where people are.
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12. Talk to people you respect who are where you
want to be.
Chances are they have failed and rebuilt themselves from nothing. You'll
know them. They have this glow about them and seem very non-judgmental, patient and
wise, but mostly something about them draws you to them. Most successful people have
encountered a lesson in humility and had to come to terms with who they pretended they
were before they could become who they are.
13. Ask for help.
Find a support group or confidant
you can trust.. This can be a psychologist, priest, rabbi, or informal support group like
AA. Being around people will keep you motivated. Staying solitary day after
day will sap strength and enflame your fears.
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14. Watch uplifting shows and movies
Shows like Biography and movies like Working Girl,
It's A Wonderful Life and Rudy will keep your
spirits up. Feeling sorry for yourself? Try movies
that show you how bad things can really get and remind you
to be grateful (and kick yourself off the pity pot) like
Schindler's List, The Grapes of Wrath and The
Killing Fields.
15. Schedule at least one lunch
a week
with a friend or business colleague.
This will help you feel like you're still working and
return your focus to career and away from yourself. If
you can't meet a friend for lunch, spend a couple hours at
your favorite coffee shop and talk to new people. The
idea here is to get out, talk to people and feel like you
normally do when employed. -END-
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