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Now stand again with your arms out and start thinking negative
things about yourself. "I'll never get a job. My wife hates me." Ask
this person to push your arm down again. If you're focusing on negative thoughts,
they should be able to push it down with little or no effort, even while you try to
prevent it. Your mind is very powerful and it is one of the few things in your life
you really have control over.
The first time I saw
this done in a lecture in college, I didn't believe it. Then I tried it. I was
amazed and it taught me a very valuable lesson. The power of positive thinking.
How is it, a peasant in the streets of Calcutta with no material possessions can be
filled with a joy for life and be content, while someone born of privilege with every
advantage in the world will take their own life? The man in Calcutta appreciates
what he has now and doesn't dwell on what he doesn't have. He chooses to be happy,
no matter what. If your unemployed and frightened about what might happen, what if...this
is a crucial tool to surviving and thriving. Make a vow to yourself right now.
Say, "No matter what happens, I am happy and will stay happy. I will not
let forces outside of myself control me or determine who I am."
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Step 2: Become
the Master of Your Domain
Seinfeld aside, there is only one thing
in this world that you can completely control and that is you. You are the master of your
personal domain. You cannot control other people and they cannot hurt you mentally
unless you choose to allow them to do this. You cannot control places, if you could
you'd control earthquakes, the weather and the effect others have on those places.
Finally, you cannot control things or events. You can anticipate them, plan for them
and affect them, but you'll never control them.
Your thoughts, your
actions, your beliefs, these are the only things you are accountable for and the only
things that you can completely control or change. It's your choice and the power belongs
only to you. You can choose to be happy, hopeful and confident or you can choose to
wallow in fear, worry and regret. So which will it be? Which will help you get
to the end of this challenge faster? How will you master your domain?
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Step 3: Focus
on today
This very simple trick has saved my sanity and given me the ability to go on,
regardless of my fears. It works like this .
Ask yourself:
Do I have a roof over
my head today?
Do I have food in the
cupboard today?
Is my electricity
still on today?
Is my car still
parked in the drive?
If you answered yes to
any or all of these questions, take a deep breath. Relax. Today you are okay. You can't worry about
what will happen tomorrow. You could win the lottery or you could be dead. It's
an unknown and outside of your control at this moment. It's in the future and you'll
deal with that when it occurs. But today, you are okay. Chances are tomorrow
you will be okay. If you are worried about what might happen in two weeks or two
months, you're wasting energy on supposition.
Every time you begin to
future trip, start asking yourself 'Today' questions. Entrepreneurs do this a lot.
At times, when you don't know where the money is going to come from, today questions will
help you appreciate what you have, calm you and prevent you from freaking out about things
that in most cases, will never happen. And if they do, you'll survive.
TOP
Step 4: Define
your fears
This is an old salesperson's trick that helps overcome fears about cold calling
and negotiations. It works even better in personal situations. What are you
afraid of? Is it losing your home? Losing your credit rating? Losing your
family's respect? Not finding a job? Write them down.
Now, diffuse your
fears. What is the worst case scenario?
Let's take "Can't pay your bills". Worst case scenario:
bankruptcy and repo. Granted, this will make life a little uncomfortable for a
couple years, but it's not the end of the world. The way the credit industry is set up,
you basically pay the same penalty for a two 30 or 60 day late payments as you do
for a bankruptcy. The worst thing that will happen, you won't be able to get a
credit card or line of credit for a year or two unless it's secured. And all those
things you need credit cards for? With check cards, you don't need one anymore. TOP
If you have some credit problems or bankruptcy and you'll have to pay a higher interest on
your next car, sure. Maybe you should just live with the cars you have for the next
several years. You'll still be able to get a home, student loans, a job (people
understand credit problems due to unemployment), health care and a multitude of other
things; you'll just have to pay a higher interest rate or deposit. Thousands of
people declare bankruptcy every year and many will tell you it's the best action they
every took. Thousands lose their cars to repo men. There
is public transportation and in most cases you can get a decent
basic used car for around $1,000. Yes, it's not fun.
But given the worst case scenario, is it really that scary? Be
honest, it's just uncomfortable.
Credit problems do not make you a bad person or a bad financial risk; they just make life
a little more interesting for a couple years and you a little wiser about how you spend.
Just remember, credit problems will not kill you. They are not life-threatening.
TOP
But What if
You Lose Your Home?
What about
losing your
home? This is one where focusing on "Today" is really important and a
worst case scenario plan needs to be in effect. This is the one place where you need to
play the "What if" game in order to have a contingency plan. It will give
you peace of mind and enable you to focus on the present rather than worrying.
If you have a family,
no doubt you've made arrangements for your children's care should you and your spouse die.
Do the same now in the event you lose your home. Are there relatives or
friends your children can stay with temporarily until you get back on your feet if this
happens? Are you and your spouse in agreement about what to do if this should
happen? These are issues that need to be discussed in the beginning when you first
lose your job and are thinking clearly, not when the panic sets in and you are desperate.
Most importantly by doing this you've drastically minimized the possibility that it could
happen because you know what you will do if it does.
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Step 5: Use this Time to Grow
The best way to keep your spirits up when unemployed is to
engage your mind in something that interests or challenges you. Being home, you'll
become very familiar with daytime TV and all the bladder control problems people must
have, at least based upon the commercials. Within a week, you'll probably be bored
stiff. Now is the time to do all those things you said you'd do one day if you ever
had the time. Guess what? You now have the time. Here are some suggestions that just
might uncover a talent you didn't know you had.
Write a book for your
children
It doesn't matter what age they are and it can be fiction or non-fiction.
Do you have a teenager you'd love to tell about your experiences at his/her age,
but never seem to find the time?
Write a book about it and give it to him or her for
his/her birthday. What about your husband? Take a crack at writing an erotic
short story and surprise him one night. Join
Couples Club and
download a free copy of
Seduction's Sun for inspiration.
TOP
Learn a new skill
Become autodidactic (self-taught). Teach yourself a new computer
program, how to draw, play the guitar, arrange flowers or make jewelry. Learn how to
cook Indian food or another cuisine. What about photography? Write a business plan,
research a new product. Now's the time to learn and you just might discover a new
career.
Start a health and
fitness program
How many times have you used the excuse you didn't have enough time
to exercise? You have the time.
Volunteer at your local
school or shelter
This is your opportunity to give to those less fortunate or help
children help themselves. Pick a cause you're interested in and volunteer some time.
It's also great for networking and you just might find a new job!
Be careful if you're receiving unemployment and
volunteering. The state considers this "work" and will
disqualify you in most cases.
TOP
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Feeling Sorry for Yourself?
These movies are a reality check. If you live in the USA, no matter how bad you
think it is, be grateful your life will never be like this.
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Schindler's List is about people persecuted & who lost everything
including their families and still survived.
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The Killing Fields, like the preceding movie is about people who survive
much worse than any of us will ever have to deal with.
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The Grapes of Wrath is the ultimate Depression Era saga of lost jobs, family and hope. |
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