EXCEL CAREER COUPLES

FEATURES

 

 

FINANCIAL | FINDING WORK | PSYCHOLOGICAL EFFECTS

Excerpt from: Laid Off Now What

7 Steps to Overcoming Negative Self-esteem After a Job Loss

Step 1: What if...Staying Focused and Keeping Positive.

Did you know that negative thoughts effect you physically?  Here's proof.  Stand with your arms spread out like a cross.  Think of something positive like "I am the best at what I do.  I am invincible!".  Ask someone to try to push your arm down while you're thinking this and make an effort to prevent it.  This should be difficult for them. 


Watching depression
 is crucial

Now stand again with your arms out and start thinking negative things about yourself. "I'll never get a job.  My wife hates me."  Ask this person to push your arm down again.  If you're focusing on negative thoughts, they should be able to push it down with little or no effort, even while you try to prevent it.  Your mind is very powerful and it is one of the few things in your life you really have control over. 

The first time I saw this done in a lecture in college, I didn't believe it.  Then I tried it.  I was amazed and it taught me a very valuable lesson.  The power of positive thinking.   How is it, a peasant in the streets of Calcutta with no material possessions can be filled with a joy for life and be content, while someone born of privilege with every advantage in the world will take their own life?  The man in Calcutta appreciates what he has now and doesn't dwell on what he doesn't have.  He chooses to be happy, no matter what. If your unemployed and frightened about what might happen, what if...this is a crucial tool to surviving and thriving.  Make a vow to yourself right now.   Say, "No matter what happens, I am happy and will stay happy.  I will not let forces outside of myself control me or determine who I am." TOP

Step 2: Become the Master of Your Domain

Seinfeld aside, there is only one thing in this world that you can completely control and that is you. You are the master of your personal domain.  You cannot control other people and they cannot hurt you mentally unless you choose to allow them to do this.  You cannot control places, if you could you'd control earthquakes, the weather and the effect others have on those places.   Finally, you cannot control things or events.  You can anticipate them, plan for them and affect them, but you'll never control them.

Your thoughts, your actions, your beliefs, these are the only things you are accountable for and the only things that you can completely control or change. It's your choice and the power belongs only to you.  You can choose to be happy, hopeful and confident or you can choose to wallow in fear, worry and regret.  So which will it be?  Which will help you get to the end of this challenge faster?  How will you master your domain? TOP

Step 3: Focus on today
This very simple trick has saved my sanity and given me the ability to go on, regardless of my fears. It works like this .
Ask yourself:

  • Do I have a roof over my head today? 

  • Do I have food in the cupboard today? 

  • Is my electricity still on today? 

  • Is my car still parked in the drive?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, take a deep breath. Relax. Today you are okay.  You can't worry about what will happen tomorrow. You could win the lottery or you could be dead.  It's an unknown and outside of your control at this moment.  It's in the future and you'll deal with that when it occurs.  But today, you are okay.  Chances are tomorrow you will be okay.  If you are worried about what might happen in two weeks or two months, you're wasting energy on supposition.

Every time you begin to future trip, start asking yourself 'Today' questions. Entrepreneurs do this a lot.  At times, when you don't know where the money is going to come from, today questions will help you appreciate what you have, calm you and prevent you from freaking out about things that in most cases, will never happen.  And if they do, you'll survive. TOP

Step 4: Define your fears
This is an old salesperson's trick that helps overcome fears about cold calling and negotiations.  It works even better in personal situations.  What are you afraid of?  Is it losing your home?  Losing your credit rating? Losing your family's respect? Not finding a job?  Write them down.

Now, diffuse your fears. What is the worst case scenario? 
Let's take "Can't pay your bills".  Worst case scenario: bankruptcy and repo.  Granted, this will make life a little uncomfortable for a couple years, but it's not the end of the world. The way the credit industry is set up, you basically pay the same penalty for a two  30 or 60 day late payments as you do for a bankruptcy.   The worst thing that will happen, you won't be able to get a credit card or line of credit for a year or two unless it's secured.  And all those things you need credit cards for? With check cards, you don't need one anymore. 
TOP

If you have some credit problems or bankruptcy and you'll have to pay a higher interest on your next car, sure. Maybe you should just live with the cars you have for the next several years.  You'll still be able to get a home, student loans, a job (people understand credit problems due to unemployment), health care and a multitude of other things; you'll just have to pay a higher interest rate or deposit.  Thousands of people declare bankruptcy every year and many will tell you it's the best action they every took.  Thousands lose their cars to repo men.  There is public transportation and in most cases you can get a decent basic used car for around $1,000.   Yes, it's not fun.  But given the worst case scenario, is it really that scary? Be honest, it's just uncomfortable.

Credit problems do not make you a bad person or a bad financial risk; they just make life a little more interesting for a couple years and you a little wiser about how you spend. Just remember, credit problems will not kill you. They are not life-threatening.

TOP

But What if You Lose Your Home?

What about losing your home?  This is one where focusing on "Today" is really important and a worst case scenario plan needs to be in effect. This is the one place where you need to play the "What if" game in order to have a contingency plan.  It will give you peace of mind and enable you to focus on the present rather than worrying.

If you have a family, no doubt you've made arrangements for your children's care should you and your spouse die.   Do the same now in the event you lose your home.  Are there relatives or friends your children can stay with temporarily until you get back on your feet if this happens?  Are you and your spouse in agreement about what to do if this should happen?  These are issues that need to be discussed in the beginning when you first lose your job and are thinking clearly, not when the panic sets in and you are desperate. Most importantly by doing this you've drastically minimized the possibility that it could happen because you know what you will do if it does. TOP

Step 5: Use this Time to Grow

The best way to keep your spirits up when unemployed is to engage your mind in something that interests or challenges you.  Being home, you'll become very familiar with daytime TV and all the bladder control problems people must have, at least based upon the commercials.  Within a week, you'll probably be bored stiff.  Now is the time to do all those things you said you'd do one day if you ever had the time. Guess what?  You now have the time. Here are some suggestions that just might uncover a talent you didn't know you had.

Write a book for your children
It doesn't matter what age they are and it can be fiction or non-fiction.   Do you have a teenager you'd love to tell about your experiences at his/her age, but never seem to find the time?  Write a book about it and give it to him or her for his/her birthday.  What about your husband?  Take a crack at writing an erotic short story and surprise him one night. Join Couples Club and download a free copy of Seduction's Sun for inspiration.  TOP

Learn a new skill
Become autodidactic (self-taught).  Teach yourself a new computer program, how to draw, play the guitar, arrange flowers or make jewelry.  Learn how to cook Indian food or another cuisine.  What about photography? Write a business plan, research a new product.  Now's the time to learn and you just might discover a new career.

Start a health and fitness program
How many times have you used the excuse you didn't have enough time to exercise?  You have the time. 

Volunteer at your local school or shelter
This is your opportunity to give to those less fortunate or help children help themselves.  Pick a cause you're interested in and volunteer some time.   It's also great for networking and you just might find a new job! Be careful if you're receiving unemployment and volunteering.  The state considers this "work" and will disqualify you in most cases. TOP

Feeling Sorry for Yourself?

These movies are a reality check. If you live in the USA, no matter how bad you think it is, be grateful your life will never be like this.


Schindler's List is about people persecuted & who lost everything including their families and still survived.

The Killing Fields, like the preceding movie is about people who survive much worse than any of us will ever have to deal with.
 

The Grapes of Wrath is the ultimate Depression Era saga of lost jobs, family and hope.

 


Study your religion
Be honest.  How many Christians have read the entire Bible?  And those of you in the Jewish faith?  What about the Old Testament?  It's funny, most of us call ourselves Christian, Jewish or Muslim and few of us have read and studied the entire works, which represent our beliefs.  And if we have, it was in our youth, several decades ago. If you can't remember calculus after 20 years, do you really remember what John. 3:16 means?  If you're Christian and you can't answer this, you might want to hit the Bible again.  This passage is the foundation of our faith.

 

Step 6: Your Best Weapon

The best weapon you have against depression and a feeling of helplessness during this period is your brain.  Keep your thoughts positive.  Engage your mind in activity.  Use this time to grow.   Don't give up on yourself and don't let your fears rule your future. TOP

Watch the movies recommended above.  It's impossible to think you are in such horrible shape after seeing what real, life threatening trouble and pure unemployment looks like in a movie like The Killing Fields or The Grapes of Wrath.  The fact is, no matter how bad you think your life is right now, millions have lived much worse. Your situation right now is temporary.  This too shall pass and you will survive.

If you need some positive inspiration, try catching an episode of Biography® or Behind the Music®.  Both will give you a feeling that you can conquer anything life throws at you and an appreciation for the challenges even the successful must face and surmount. TOP

 

 
TV Programs That Give You Hope

    One of the great things about watching A&E's Biography is that you realize setbacks like unemployment  are the pathway to success.
 

 
As for VH-1's Behind the Music, you'll gain an appreciation for tenacity and the pursuit of your ultimate dream.
 


 

Step 7: Self-esteem 911:  When your self-worth is tied to your title and income

We saved the best for last.  If you are dealing with this issue, you are in for one incredible ride and a whole new world is about to open up to you if you have the courage to go through this.  Congratulations.  This period of unemployment is going to give you the trademark of great men:  Humility, confidence and understanding.

I had this problem, that is arrogance and a belief that how much money I made and my position were what made me a respectable person. It's funny how life gets in the way.  I'm a strong believer that as soon as we get cocky, God puts us in our place.  On the following page, you'll hear my story and the rather unusual lengths I went to in order to deal with the issue and ultimately find myself. NEXT

TOP | BACK |

 
 

TOP

E-books on
Career Issues
Download these
Resources Today!
 

Laid Off, Now What?  

Surviving Under & Unemployment Financially, Psychologically & the Inside Secrets to Landing a New Job Fast
 

 
 

It's All Free For Seniors!

Here are thousands of little-known giveaways for
people over 55.
 

 

 

How To Survive And Thrive Without A Job
 


Resume And Cover Letter  Secrets Revealed
 

 

Successful Interviewing 

A veteran headhunter tells you the secrets of success in interviewing for a job.

 

Job Interview Answers
Software that helps you prepare for interviews and IQ tests.
 

 

 

Future Proof Your Career

Future Proof Your Career is a self-assessment, career planning tool to help you find the work you are best suited to.
 

 

Instant
Public Speaking
Success

New breakthrough public speaking system that will have YOU speaking to thrilled audiences without being terrified!
 

 

Learning
To Work With The Press

A public relations handbook.

 

Discover Your Life's Purpose

Discover your life's purpose and incorporate it into a career. 

E-book Search Engine:
Over 11,000 titles in our library!  Enter a subject or keyword below and find your perfect book.

 
Excel Home
Archives
about
Laura
 

EMAIL
this
ARTICLE
 to a friend


Comments?
Tell Us What
You Think!


LAID OFF NOW WHAT?
Covering the Financial, Psychological and Job Seeking
SKILLS FOR SURVIVING UNEMPLOYMENT


Insider Tricks for the Unemployed & Under Employed!
MORE INFO

 

Reader
Feedback

 

TOP

 
Please Read Our:
Privacy Policy
Legal Disclaimer
Home | Advice  | Features  | Jungle Mystique  | Shopping  | Corporate | Club
Dating  | Romance  | Relationship  | Marriage Sex  | ParentingFinance
Law 
| Fitness | Health

Copyright © Couples Company 1999-2004
All Rights Reserved